In shock

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  • websister
    websister Member Posts: 1,092
    edited December 2012

    Benny - I read your post from yesterday and agree with what others have told you. I know that you had Neupogen in the hospital and so that probably contributed to your bloodwork being OK at this point but because your counts dropped so much lt time they will give Neulasta, probably for each chemo from this point on. Hopefully this time you will have your anti-emetics straightened out and on hand and you will be prepared at the first sign of either diarrhea or constipation.

    Take this 'opportunity' to get prepared for next week, make those veggie dishes, soups, prepare something extra special for you and Benny and Diamond for Christmas, celebrate early with them so you can really enjoy the celebration. Print out all the encouraging posts and emails and keep them very close to read over when the going gets tough. Get outside this week, spend a reasonable amount of time with Diamond and at the farm (tell yourself that you will leave before you are exhausted and make sure you bring food and drink), go for some walks, spoil yourself, play your guitar, eat well, contact friends - do anything and everything that builds you up and makes you feel good.

    Then when you go for the chemo, visualize it killing any remaining cancer cells and making your remaining cells stronger, not weaker.

    Think of the reduced dose in the terms that you have also lost weight since the original dosages were determined, maybe at your new weight it is exactly the right dose for you.

    Sending healing hugs

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  • bennymuffins
    bennymuffins Member Posts: 412
    edited December 2012

    Traii, I so envy you with your weather. It is -11 C. here and dropping, and snowing. Not even an option to go outside for some fresh air. I didn't sleep last night either, just lay awake staring at the ceiling til the room got lighter.

    Lesleyanne, I don't know if they are giving me anti-nausea drugs in the IV? I will ask. I assume they are. He is going to change up my medication regimen for next week. So, lower chemo dosage and Neulasta shot and different med schedule should help. I am just concerned that it isn't going to be enough to kill the cancer. He did a bit of a turnaround yesterday, compared to what he's been saying all along. The first time I met him he said I likely had cancer cells floating around and would need chemo; it would 'significantly' increase my survival. Yesterday he said the margins were so clear it's possible that they got it all and chemo wouldn't be all that important. I don't know if he's saying that to make me feel better or what? But he hasn't completely given up as he's trying something different this time. I am just concerned it's not going to be enough.

    Bearcub, yes, I did have an e coli infection, and they are not sure if I got it at home or picked it up once I got to the hospital :( My bloodcell count plummeted on the 7th day and that's why they want to give me the Neulasta shot. The nurse yesterday was quite excited about it. She came into the room and said "Great news, you're getting the Neulasta shot!" The only reason my bloodwork is fine now is because I got the Neupogen shot 3X after the fact and have had 27 days to recuperate. My bloodwork was dismal all through my hospitalization. I do not have a support system, which makes things very scary. I have no husband, no siblings, no kids, no mom or dad. I do have a good friend who I can call but I don't want to burn her out and she's taking all of this quite hard.

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  • bennymuffins
    bennymuffins Member Posts: 412
    edited December 2012

    Oh websister, I just saw your post. I must have been typing mine when yours went up. Yes, we will do things differently this time and hopefully no hospital, no bloodcount plummets, no near death experiences haha! Thank you for the vision, it's a good one, and i will do my very best to stick to it. It's been easier for me to go to the dark side because I have lost faith in the system and myself. It's day 28 today and I still feel like death warmed over. And to be honest, this weather is not helping at all. But I am forging on. I am making my favourite spinach soup today.

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  • Dakota212
    Dakota212 Member Posts: 1,153
    edited December 2012

    Web sister -

    Great advice!!!

    Benny-

    U sound better today!!! We r here for u. At least by cyberspace. We will pick u up and help u!!! Hang in there girlfriend !!

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  • bearcub
    bearcub Member Posts: 485
    edited December 2012

    Benny you do sound so much better today, I can hear the fighter coming back. Spinach soup sounds yummy, have a bowl and cuddle up with the kitty. Try and get outside before your next chemo, you may have to bundle up, but it feels good to breathe in some fresh air and see the trees and hear the birds. Try and take a treat out to Diamond and just give her some loving, she will certainly give it back.

    I asked about the Irvines tack as the owner when she was just a little girl lived around the corner and would come over and play at the house. She and her sister went to school with my kids. I Knew she had a nice tack store in around Calgary.



    You can do this Benny! Remember you will be riding through the fields by next summer...treatments done! This is just a bump in the road...yes a nasty bump but you can do it.

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  • Traii
    Traii Member Posts: 1,138
    edited December 2012

    Benny...come to melbourne...weather is supurb and will definetely lift your spirits up!

    Spinach soup yummy....

    You do sound much better today in your emails....my motto benny...i stuck by it at 18 years of age with prior cancer and again now Mind Over Matter.. positive thinking comes from the mind....yes my mind wonders to dark places but you just gotta kick your butt in gear and say i can do this...kill this cancer kill kill kill and before you know it, treatment will be done. I believe, i have hope, i have faith in you that now your onc and u know your SEs now and believe this time round lowered dose...booster shot etc will work for u. Yes youll get bone pain for a few days but its manageable. We are your support team...dont u forget that girl....take websisters great ,advice go print those spirit lifting emails..u show this cancer its not going to win grade 3 or not grade 3 ..u are stronger than that so u need to get that in your head girl....

    Question after chemo are u having a masectomy???

    Take care make the most out of this time prior to chemo and please remember we are now your family...we are your sisters that will give u a kick up the butt when your down :)

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  • Dakota212
    Dakota212 Member Posts: 1,153
    edited December 2012

    Benny -

    Take traii's advice but if ur headed to Melbourne so am I !!! I have always wanted to go there!!! I love to watch tennis weird maybe but I would love to go to the Australian open!!! Lets go ;) we got this our Benny sister!!!

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  • Traii
    Traii Member Posts: 1,138
    edited December 2012

    Dakota tennis in january...come...lol weather is so hot in jan...we'd be slip slop slappin on that sunscreen !Lol

    How u goin? Chemo nect week?

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  • Dakota212
    Dakota212 Member Posts: 1,153
    edited December 2012

    I can't complain thankfully, butt sores.... But (haha) this too shall pass. Yes # 4 A/C for me next week 1/2 way!!! Yahoo!!! Feel like there just might be an end. Benny hang in there!!!! U have 6 total???

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  • Traii
    Traii Member Posts: 1,138
    edited December 2012

    Oh no butt sores:( well dakota interstung ebough when my dad had colon cancer and prepared for colonoscopy his onc said to rub mylanta on his butt hole ..sorry tmi!! But it worked and relieved the pain !!

    Whoo hoo half way feeling IS THE BEST! I have 3 more CMF regimen now but a little worried as onc said i cant have neulasta shots cos this is iv day 1 and day 8 then from day 1 thru to 14 im having the C part orally leaving me one week with nothing then start again....so bringing my finish date now to 13 march one day after my birthday!!

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  • Dakota212
    Dakota212 Member Posts: 1,153
    edited December 2012

    Traii -

    Not TMI at all for me anyway. I have also heard Vicks value rub and I mentioned to the dr today and they said its common so I felt better embarrassed but felt better so thanks !!! Yay almost done work now home to my second job kids !! I will catch up later ladies :)

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  • Dakota212
    Dakota212 Member Posts: 1,153
    edited December 2012

    Ok train I am confused about how ur treatment goes??

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  • scouser47
    scouser47 Member Posts: 963
    edited December 2012

    Hi gorgeous girls.

    Benny, you DO sound so much stronger well done. They lowered my dosage last time and I was much better. Honestly think it's a bit of trial and error. Never crossed my mind that less of it meant it wouldn't work. You are a real worry pot. Think positive thoughts at all times don't be a cup half empty girl, cup is half full !!

    Websister is truly our Wise Woman. Just enjoy the time before next chemo as she says spinach soup sounds gorgeous, lots of nourishment, lots of fresh if icy cold air and defo snuggles with Diamond. I believe animals have healing powers and she wants her Mom to get better real soon.

    Keep up the good work beautiful Benny we are your family wether you like it or not lol X

    Websister, you are a woman after my own heart. I am packing in as much fun and laughter as possible before 3rd chemo next Tuesday. Had great time at Bingo this afternoon. Early xmas dinner, yummy. few drinks. tons of laughter and I won £ 100.00 GBP with a full house plus bottle of wine for DH.! Going away for weekend of 60's music with dear friends so if I feel yuk after chemo will have lots to look back on.

    Hope your Mum still ok and you too. X

    Dakota, how are your little bundles of joy ? Bet they are besides themselves with excitement about Xmas. X

    Traii cyber baby girl, Edi on her way to kick ass. Can't believe that nurse didn't put your gloves in the freezer after all !!! Bxxxh. Glad the rest of it wasn't to bad. Still perishing here but not as bad as Canada. Brrrr.

    This CMF is tablets as well isn't it ? Onc dept said they will explain more about it nearer the time. I am doing very good impersonation of an ostrich, if I put head in sand it will all go away lol.

    Hope SE's minimal for you this time X

    Bearcub, Lesley,and all other Warrior sisters keep up the great advice it helps each and everyone of us.

    I have eyes like pee holes in snow, think I need to lay down my baldy head. Wooly hat going on for bed, that and the bedsocks along with thick fleecy pj's complete the look of a goddess.

    Hugs for all of you.

    Edi x

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  • Dakota212
    Dakota212 Member Posts: 1,153
    edited December 2012

    Edi-

    My kids are awesome and I know I gave said it before but they r the reason I get up everyday and keep going!!! U my friend are my inspiration also. I love that u have yet to let this set u back in any way!!!! I hope u have a fabulous weekend and I can't wait to hear some stories!!! Hugs ;)

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  • Dakota212
    Dakota212 Member Posts: 1,153
    edited December 2012

    Oh and I ordered my astral today!!! 😄😄😄

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  • websister
    websister Member Posts: 1,092
    edited December 2012

    Hi everyone



    It's morning here in Canada. Today in Calgary we are supposed to warm up to -1C. Sounds like a good day to get out in that fresh air.



    Life is definitely busy right now. I am taking an on line course towards a Business Analysis certificate. The course ends on Monday so I've been catching up on assignments and studying for the final test. I visited Mom yesterday, she looks and feels pretty good, my chemo brain was a bit of a problem though - I plugged in a curling iron to do her hair but forgot about it when I left. Halfway home I realized I'd left it on, had to quickly call the hospital and get them to go do it.

    Today is a potluck Christmas celebration with the Autism association that I have worked with here. I also have a gingerbread house decorating party this evening. Hope my energy holds out :)



    Traii - hope you are doing ok with side effects.



    Dakota - I'm so glad you have your kids. Sounds like they have an awesome Mom also.



    Benny - hoping today is a 'Diamond' day



    Everyone else, hope it's a good day. I need to get started on mine :)

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  • Dakota212
    Dakota212 Member Posts: 1,153
    edited December 2012

    Web sister -

    Good luck with the exams. I hope undo get to everything else that will be fun!!! I like the diamond day!!!

    Benny -

    I hope it is a diamond day for u!!!

    Enjoy all 😄😄😄

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  • Traii
    Traii Member Posts: 1,138
    edited December 2012

    Good Morning from Melbourne...17degrees and rain today!!! 6am right now!

    Good Luck for your exams Websister.

    Yes chemobrain...i cant even remember if i had my dex yesterday arvo!!!! At least i remember my son had dinner...lol



    Diamond day sounds good benny !



    SEs are itchy feet butnoisturising with my olive oil cream!



    Mouth not AS furry but im sure its on its way!





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  • Dakota212
    Dakota212 Member Posts: 1,153
    edited December 2012

    Good morning Traii-

    Lunchtime for me and I am bored at work waiting for my next patient !! Glad u remembered to feed ur son... Lol hope the fuzzier stay away!!

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  • Traii
    Traii Member Posts: 1,138
    edited December 2012

    Edi..cyber mummy...CMF Is part oral..the c bit...14days...onc said SEs not as bad as tax so he said my tax SEs are minimal!!!! Then CMF is not as bad....wonder if Ill loose the rest of my hair .....lol



    Hope your well and ready for your weekend.

    I got out n about buying pressies yesterday for the adults...decided to make baskets with chocolates and bom boms and candles etc.....

    The 40th bday im going to tomorrow I made her a 'naughty 40s ' box made if lotsa goodies...wink wink with sexy lingerie and a gorgeous 40 wine glass....amongst other things!!!

    Cant wait to see her face and the face if her when stripper enters room as we've all put in money for that!!

    Hopefully Ill be right on the night with minimal SEs!!!

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  • Traii
    Traii Member Posts: 1,138
    edited December 2012

    Well Good Arvo to u Dakota...:)

    Yes good thing I fed him..he wouldnt have let me forget about his food anyways...lol..u know what boys are like...lol



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  • Dakota212
    Dakota212 Member Posts: 1,153
    edited December 2012

    Traii-

    What a fun gift!!! She will love it :)

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  • leazer21
    leazer21 Member Posts: 4
    edited December 2012

    I am sorry for your health, but its not the end. You have long road for the whole treatment and only you can overcome it, think positive and understand that there are many people loves you. There are many treatments you can do. Think also that the breasts are not vital so its not hard for you.

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  • scouser47
    scouser47 Member Posts: 963
    edited December 2012

    Websister, good luck with exams, sure you will pass with flying colours. -1 here too tonight guess that is almost warm for you lol.Love the story about leaving tongs plugged in we went out for the day not long ago and I had left the iron on !! DH almost had hysterics when we came home. OOPS.

    Dakota, hope you like the Astral, I swear by it. Almost packed for weekend away. Just going to eat well and catch up on everyone's news. 60's music will be a bonus.

    Traii, hope those SE's keep at bay for party. Present sounds great. Stripper even better lol. Glad you are feeding DS but as you say being a male he won't let you forget.

    Benny, are things improving any ?

    Bearcub,Bevlee,Lesley and anyone else this flippin chemo brain has left out, blessings on you all.

    Edi x

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  • bennymuffins
    bennymuffins Member Posts: 412
    edited December 2012

    Bearcub, riding Diamond through fields with complete freedom and wild abandon is what i live and strive for. That vision is keeping me going. I just hope the SE's lighten a bit or my horse won't even know me for the next few months.

    Traii - I would LOVE to come to Melbourne! When I was 9 my dad wanted us to move to New Zealand. He promised me I could have a pony, so I was so excited to go. Unfortunately my mom chickened out so no NZ and no pony for me. I hate cold and really should be somewhere warm, not Alberta. It's like living in a freezer for 6 months of the year. Why is it that the economy is always good in places where the weather sucks? I won't be having a mastectomy after chemo. I had a lumpectomy only as the cancer in the breast was only 1.7 cm. It's the lymph nodes that are the biggest issue.

    Dakota - I'll go to a tennis match in Melbourne with you if you'll come to a horse show in Melbourne with me!? Deal?! Laughing Yes, I've got 6 chemos to get through: 3 FEC and 3 Doxitaxol (sp?).

    Edi, peeholes in the snow! OMG my mom used to use that expression all the time, I love it! I didn't know they lowered your dose too? That makes me feel better. Have fun at the 60's party, it sounds like a riot. I love theme parties! I still haven't been able to find the Astrol here but haven't given up yet.

    Websister - my goodness, you have so much going on at the same time. Is it possible the curling iron incident isn't so much about chemo brain but just about how busy you are right now? You are an inspiring warrior to us all, me especially.

    I did not make it out to the barn today. Instead I spent the day with poor Benny at the vet clinic. He woke up barfing this morning and straining to go in his litter box. So, off we went to the vet where I blew $200.00 I didn't have. But he is my number 1 priority so it had to be done. The vet thinks he has a sensitive tummy so she gave him IV fluids, a B12 shot and put him on a bland diet. Well, you can imagine the look I got when I gave him a can of rice and venison tonight. If looks could kill....

    It's supposed to snow tomorrow but I am going to try really hard to get to the barn. This afternoon I actually felt almost normal again for the first time in 29 days. 29 days. It was so great to feel almost normal.

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  • bennymuffins
    bennymuffins Member Posts: 412
    edited December 2012

    Okay, this is kind of funny. Here's a picture of me going out to get groceries tonight. This is the first time ever I am wearing my wig outside in public. I'm wearing a winter hat (which makes it feel more secure) because it's still a bit cold and quite windy. Looks pretty realistic, no?

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  • bearcub
    bearcub Member Posts: 485
    edited December 2012

    Benny my dose was lowered for two cycles also, you are not alone in that. ...poor kitty, maybe he is just worried about his mama...



    It has snowed half the night and all day, I woke up early this morning, was getting ready for my CT simulator (radiation prep) at 8:30 and heard on global tv that we had a snowfall warning....I opened up the blind to the patio and it was a friggin whiteout....and about 10 inches of snow piled up. Figures.....why today did that happen...I live 26 km. north of the city and had to share the road with logging trucks that blow up the blowing snow...gosh I thought I would not make it. Scary....snowblowed for 2 1/2 hrs when I got home, DH works 12 hr shifts and just could not leave it for him.



    ..my hair is growing its about 1/4 to 1/2 inch...white....I wish it was darker so it showed...it will take forever to cover this scalp....my DH tells me I look like a chia pet.



    Everyone have a great friday

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  • Lesleyanne67
    Lesleyanne67 Member Posts: 225
    edited December 2012

    I LOVE love love the hat and I am jealous you get to go thru chemo in the winter....ha ha ha.  I can tell you in Reno in the summer I was SWEATING bullets and actually whipped the wig off a few times TOOOOO hot...

    You made me laugh at the thought of Benny looking at the bland food.  I have 4 cats and they keep me in line!

    In New Orleans for my Stage 2 flap surgery - <clapping sound of black hollywood clapboard> breast reconstruction take 6 - SERIOUSLY.  Just chillin all marked up and getting ready to go under the knife for what I hope is the LAST time for a long time!  Wish me luck!

    Hang in there girls you are doing GREAT!!!!!

    Lesley

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  • bearcub
    bearcub Member Posts: 485
    edited December 2012

    Looks awesome....Benny!

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  • bearcub
    bearcub Member Posts: 485
    edited December 2012

    Good luck with surgery Lesleyanne

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