In shock

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  • scouser47
    scouser47 Member Posts: 963
    edited December 2012

    Benny, the top of my bald head is about to come off !!!! The shop story has incensed me beyond words. The bxxxh why would she even touch your hair ? You are more of a lady than me, she would have received the sharp edge of my tongue. They must have a head office you can contact. Report her please, that would be a sackable offence here or assault.The thought of you crying in your truck after finally getting out and about is so sad.

    Glad you are eating well and the face stuff sounds good. I slap Astral on every day and have done for many years I have some wrinkles but compared to some old farts of my age I ain't half bad lol.

    Bangs are great, I glued mine to a fabric covered Alice band pop it on, then hat or scarf on top and feel utterly gorgeous ha ha. Wigs are great but sometimes you just want to be comfy.

    Flanalette sheets, haven't had them for years but need new bedding so think i will invest in them this time. Hope yours fluff up really well.

    The temperature where you are makes here look like Barbados ! We Brits are real whimps. Some of my family live in Toronto and when they tell us how geared up you all are for bad weather conditions we are green with envy.

    Keep on getting stronger. ( big hug ) X

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  • Traii
    Traii Member Posts: 1,138
    edited December 2012

    Benny...Im with Edi, that shop assistant would of had an ear full from me too..what a b#@!/....i would have walked out but you kept soldiering on...so proud of you :)



    Edi, my hair (whats left, aint going anywhere...lol)

    Its stuck...ive pulled at it washed it combed it...still there...makes me wonder!!



    How you feeling?



    Dakota u there? How u feeling?



    3rd and last Taxotere Weds for me :)

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  • Dakota212
    Dakota212 Member Posts: 1,153
    edited December 2012

    Hey girls -

    Wow had a lot to catch up on!!! Benny- that is awful!!! Showed so much restraint. I don't know if I could have done it!!!

    I feel pretty good kids keep me really busy on weekends. My little guy scored today in hockey, yay and my baby girl had soccer. A holiday party and finally got our tree up!!! Whew !! Hope all u girls are great !!! We got this ;)

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  • Dakota212
    Dakota212 Member Posts: 1,153
    edited December 2012

    Oh edi - what is astral??

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  • scouser47
    scouser47 Member Posts: 963
    edited December 2012

    Dakota, Sorry it is all over moisturiser in a mid blue pot. Quite a thick but light cream. I slosh it on to remove makeup as well, then slather on and leave to soak in.If you have ever seen Ab Fab with Joanna Lumley ( famous english star ) she swears by it and has beautiful skin. It isn't expensive and was recommended to me by my friend who is a beautician also with beautiful skin.

    How lovely that your little ones did so well. You must be so proud.

    Get you with the tree up,( impressed ) I have just put lots of glittery gold decs on a large plant in the corner of the room plus a few lights. GD's seem to like it thank goodness.

    Must get in to loft and find nativity scene. When it is set up smallest GD has the honour of placing the crib and baby in front of Mary and Joseph. Last year she looks up at me with her bright blue eyes and says " Look Nana baby cheeses has no clothes on " We were helpless !She then folds up a kleenex and tucks him in.

    Hope SE's ok for you x

    Traii, you, me and Dakota will go and get that bxxxh who upset our Benny who's self  restraint WAS admirable.!

    The assistant would have been minus her long brown hair and there would not have been any chemo involved in her hair loss if I had been in the store. We are proud of you Benny you are a role model for us all.

    Wonder what your hair is up to ? I still have stubble coming through but it is in patches so perhaps that's how it happens. My friend only lost some at the back and bit on top with her paticular chemo she could get away with a comb over.

    Last Taxotere, must be such a relief will be thinking of you Wednesday.

    Glorious Monday to you all.

    Edi X

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  • Traii
    Traii Member Posts: 1,138
    edited December 2012

    ha ha Edi, so true, no chemo involved for that sales assistant to loose her hair if you, Dakota and myself got to her.....bloody B@!#$!!!!

    You enjoy your sleep cyber mummy...I'm at work, not busy at all thus on internet...shhhh.....lol !!

    I like being quiet at work.......especially on a Monday and especially whilst my DS is at his nannas house today playing away......lol ahhhh the peace and quet....:)

    Glad your DG loves your gold glittery christmas tree......!!

    I forgot to comment the other day about your DG's other nanna whom had BC and didn't look after her for 2 years.....well I know that as much as you need to take it easy etc you couldn't go for that long without having her at your house or looking after her..I think the more we think of 'germs ' etc the more crazier we would get.

    My son had a throat infection the other week and as much as I thought omg, I'm going to get it , its going to delay this weeks chemo....I soldiered on, didn't have sore throat etc, lets just hope the Neulasta shot worked and bloods come back all good tomorrow when I get them.!!

    I have no idea whats going on with my hair...I'm having these lower pack pains at times, almost like period pains without the period....I'm a little worried but know its probably nothing and I'm worried over nothing, but I'm just paranoid about every ache and pain I'm feeling lately......(I guess I'm not alone with saying that)!

    Good night enjoy your sleep..sweet dreams :) xx

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  • Dakota212
    Dakota212 Member Posts: 1,153
    edited December 2012

    Edi-

    I need to look that up. Sounds great!! Dies anybody know about periods. Is there any luck that that will stop. I mean good lord there has to be something good !!

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  • Jennie93
    Jennie93 Member Posts: 1,018
    edited December 2012

    Dakota, I was under the impression that at my age (49) the chemo would surely put me into menopause but just my luck, I did get a period 2 weeks after first chemo.  Ugh!  However that was a little over 5 weeks ago and no more since, just a little random spotting, so fingers crossed maybe they have stopped?  I agree, there must be some silver lining!  

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  • Dakota212
    Dakota212 Member Posts: 1,153
    edited December 2012

    Jennie -

    Thanks for sharing!!! I am 2 weeks shy of 41. If I have to be bald I should at least be free of that !!!

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  • Jennie93
    Jennie93 Member Posts: 1,018
    edited December 2012

    LOL, no kidding!!  I did think of a couple of "silver linings".  One, not having to shave armpits anymore (still couldn't get at the one on the surgery side anyway & it was driving me bonkers!  Very glad to see THAT hair fall out!) and two, while I don't recommend the "chemo diet" to anyone, I am still losing weight.....

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  • Dakota212
    Dakota212 Member Posts: 1,153
    edited December 2012

    Jennie -

    Very true no shaving is a blessing. I am hungrier than I was before chemo. I think it's the steroids for Me. Can't quite figure out what I want to eat tho... Lol

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  • bearcub
    bearcub Member Posts: 485
    edited December 2012

    Okay I am real mad.....I want to kick the crap out of that assistant...and lately my patience has been limited...I would have grabbed a hunk of her hair and yanked as hard as I could. I used to be a hot head redhead!...To bad we didn't live in Calgary...we could have all gone together into the store with our bald heads...we could have said out loud that we hope our hair doesn't grow in like hers!!...okay now I am just being bratty.



    Dakota you remind me of my daughter who is a hockey and soccer mom. You must be so proud of your kids. It's nice you felt well and were able to share the fun of tree decorating, sounds like a quality weekend.



    I had a hysterectomy when I was 46 so can't help any of you with the period questions...



    Benny glad you feel better today...I bet the next go round they will be on top of everything and it will be better...



    Everyone have a great week!!

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  • Jennie93
    Jennie93 Member Posts: 1,018
    edited December 2012

    bearcub, I just laughed out loud at the thought of us all walking in there with our bald heads!  hahahahaha!!!  We would put her in her place, eh?

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  • bearcub
    bearcub Member Posts: 485
    edited December 2012

    Jennie it would have been funny...we would have looked like a bald headed lady gang!!



    Benny have you ever heard of Irvines outside of Calgary, horse tack ect?

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  • Traii
    Traii Member Posts: 1,138
    edited December 2012

    ok so when are we meeting in Calgary ??? lol....oh just the thought of the look on her face would be priceless !!

    Dakota, can't help with the period question, mine stopped thanks to Zenadex .. ( shutting my ovaries down whilst on chemo to maybe help protect and save them incase I want more kiddies)!

    I must admit, not having a period is divine but oh my, the hot flashes I'm having, I'm starting to feel like my mum....lol

    oh and well done to your kiddies......what a weekend you must of had Smile

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  • Dakota212
    Dakota212 Member Posts: 1,153
    edited December 2012

    Count me in for the road trip!!! I am up for a fight !!! This poor lady if we get a hold or her!! I am so proud of my kids. They are what keeps me going. They have their moments tho... Lol speaking of gotta get them to bed!!! TTYL 😎😎😎

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  • websister
    websister Member Posts: 1,092
    edited December 2012

    Benny - was the store Compassionate Beauty?

    I have been there several times and they have always been professional and kind, they work with women of all ages and types of cancer so the teenage girls could have been there with or shopping for a friend.

    One of the front desk ladies has had breast cancer and wears a lymph edema sleeve and glove. There is also a room behind the desk that is more private where a person can try on wigs and hats out of public view. I found two great hats last time I was there with the recommendations from the front desk person.

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  • bennymuffins
    bennymuffins Member Posts: 412
    edited December 2012

    Websister, yes, it was Compassionate Beauty.... the one and only time I've been in there so can't speak to the professionalism, but that one woman really should not have done that to me. I didn't see either of the salesgirls wearing a lymphedema sleeve. Both were quite young. And the teen girls... i wondered if they were considering some of the mastectomy forms, not sure why. I didn't need her pulling my hair out, especially in front of other store customers and the teen girls. Yikes. I don't want to go back. Yell

    Edi, you had me laughing out loud over the baby cheeses story! I kept picturing those little tiny goudas wrapped in blankets. LOL Thanks for the tip on the Astral. I looked it up online and the reviews are great. I am going to pick some up if I can.

    Bearcub, yes, Irvine's Tack and Trailer. I bought my Tucker saddle there. It is a HUGE store now as they've just expanded again. They have in stock roughly 700 saddles at any given time. It's in the middle of the country so you can trailer your horse in, tie her up and try saddles on right there.

    Did not make it out to the barn today as was still tired. Will try again tomorrow. Does the chemo fatigue last throughout the whole time? And if so, how long after chemo ends will my energy and strength return, anyone venture a guess?

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  • websister
    websister Member Posts: 1,092
    edited December 2012

    Benny - sorry to hear that was your experience. Is it possible that because you had cut your hair the night before that the salesperson may have touched it to indicate that she realized you were losing your hair and looking for solutions, when she did, some came out, not an intentional pull?

    A difficult experience for you, especially when you are feeling so vulnerable.

    Do you think you will enjoy your purchases anyway?



    It has been very cold here in Calgary, hasn't it? I only made it out once this weekend myself. The chemo fatigue is cumulative. I think the issues you had with first chemo have caused a lot of your fatigue, next time may not be as bad. I am hoping that by mid-January things will be becoming more normal for me energy wise.
    Sending hugs

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  • bennymuffins
    bennymuffins Member Posts: 412
    edited December 2012

    I'm not sure. She definitely grabbed some of my hair and pulled, and she did say Oh dear, look at you. What are we going to do about this? Perhaps it wasn't intentional, but it came across very badly, ill-timed and insensitive. I bought a sleep hat (which I find too snug so am not wearing), a pre-tied scarf in rust (which I do wear around the house) and the velcro bangs, which are way too long so I need to get them fixed yet. My hair is falling out mostly on top so I look like a clown. On the sides it is still very firmly attached. But I did cut my pigtails off so it's very short now, and hair is everywhere! Right now I am walking around the house with my wig (that I love) and my straw cowboy hat. I look weird but why break tradition haha! Laughing The scarves I bought to do this (see below) cowboy/braid look are too thick and don't work so must find new thinner ones.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GHBVaCyL0Gg&feature=plcp

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  • Bevlee
    Bevlee Member Posts: 28
    edited December 2012

    Just had a Great weekend.. at one point I was laying on the trampoline in the sun, drinking a cold beer and listening to my fave Madonna album.. (Ray of Light) and appreciating every moment of feeling healthy!! 

    I told 'Wolf' (DH) that if I lose my eyebrows and have to draw some on ..  if I wake up grumpy, I'll draw some grumpy ones on!!! LOL  just to give him a 'heads up'..

    Hope you guys are all feeling OK.. I feel a bit guilty feeling so well .. 3 days left..  EEK! 

    XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

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  • scouser47
    scouser47 Member Posts: 963
    edited December 2012

    Hi Benny, just watched that video. What a lovely look and just perfect for you. Hope you find right weight scarf to use.

    I was seething for ages about that assistant and found Compassionate beauty in a google search. Was going to ask you if that was it and lo and behold it was ! They have a box for a review and if I was you, would defo write one.Up to you of course.

    I know you don't want any hassle at the moment but if you can stop this happening to another lady it will be worth it.If they know the day and time you were there a bit of empathy training would not go amiss for the assistant on duty.

    You won't go back, how many others ? If it was my business I would want to know feedback. You don't have to give your details but it is a bit like my Reiki Master told me once. if you have something that has upset you write it down then burn,bury, or put it in a box. Works for me, but otherwise go back on a different day and maybe find the nice assistant Websister has dealt with and deal with her. If the bxxxh is on duty tell her that you wanted to buy lots and lots but you will find another shop as she is on duty. In a really loud voice. ha ha.

    Can't wait for GD to wrap up the baby cheeses next week lol..

    Sleep hats I found really comfy when hair really short .I also found light thermal pull on hat good under scarves or hats ( doesn't show ) when no hair makes them sit better and look less flat to head.

    Your fatigue will lessen I am sure. As the others say you have been through the mill.I am almost at no 3 and bit tired for about a week but then can feel energy returning day by day.Hope you find this too.X

    Jennie and Bearcub, Baldy Birds gang members as from now lol.

    Jennie, too old for periods ( thank goodness ) can't help there. Love the diet tho. Lost a stone and feel much fitter and everything fits with bit of wriggling room.Also armpits hair yay! always hated this job.x

    Bearcub, have you enough fluff to tell what colour it will be yet ? I always wanted red hair like my Mum but dark blonde instead. My ED has honeyblonde hair a mix of red and blonde, it is lovely.x

    Traii, had a lovely sleep thanks.Glad work quiet for you. I would sooo miss GD's they are all my medicine. As you say we can be paranoid about germs little one had cough and sniffles while she was here but so far so good. We can't not see anyone for six months or so and you Mum's have to lead normal lives.Me and other Nana going to see little one's xmas concert. Can't wait.

    Had same shot as you and also praying it does the job it is meant to do.x

    Websister, glad you had a better experience at the shop than Benny. Maybe her assistant was a trainee, always found thay don't really care as long as paycheck at end of week.Still no excuse for any kind of touching or comments.x

    How is your lovely Mum ?

    Will check in tonight.

    Edi X

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  • Traii
    Traii Member Posts: 1,138
    edited December 2012

    Lol Bevlee, love the grumpy look eyebrows sound, never thought of that ( thank god I've still got my eyebrows - knock on wood ) !!

    Sounds like you had a great weekend, don't you just love summer :)

    Now I know why my hubby likes shaving his hair....I love when I'm in bed and that breeze comes and the head gets thats nice cold breeze ahh...lol

    We can feel eek together, my next ones on Weds so going to have my bloods tomorrow (fingers crossed that they are all fine and dandy to go ahead with my last Taxotere before one of my thumb nails all off ) !

    Edi, have fun at your GD's concert, just stay away from coughing or sniffly kiddies or adults ..... wear a scarf around your neck and discretely lift it over your mouth and nose ... lol

    Praying that the Neulasta shot works for you too ....

    I've been ringing around to see if anyone around my area is going to be open new years day so i can have my lot of blood work for my 2nd Jan chemo...damn , no one open on the 1st Jan, prob cos they are all having a piss up..!! well never mind I'll just have to drive 1 hour to my hospital to have my bloods but I will see if i can go in on the day of chemo a little earlier than my onc appt so I can have them there, saves me a trip and I don't really want to drive into the city on New Years Day!!!

    Enjoy your day lovely warriors......you are my strength when I'm feeling down , just to know we are going on the same route in life right now is my strength of courage...love to you all xx

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  • cowpower
    cowpower Member Posts: 293
    edited December 2012

    Traii, when I had chemo scheduled around a holiday, they just did the bloods right at chemo day, while the premed saline was running. I hope you can do the same. I loved those days, "one stop shopping! "

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  • Bevlee
    Bevlee Member Posts: 28
    edited December 2012

    Man, this is scarey!

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  • Dakota212
    Dakota212 Member Posts: 1,153
    edited December 2012

    Hi warrior friends!!!

    Benny -

    Hang in there girlfriend. It has to get better. Do what u feel comfortable doing. Sorry u didn't get to see diamond.

    Bear cub -

    I am so proud of my kids. I couldn't get they this without them. They make me get up and get going.

    Web sister -

    U are so sweet seeing a bright side if things. What a great person u are.

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  • hwhranch
    hwhranch Member Posts: 149
    edited December 2012

    I just wanted to say that I had a needle biopsy done on my lymph node the same time as my breast tumor.  My breast tumor was over 5c and the lymph node was swolen.  But it was the only one that was cancerous...I think they removed 15 and only the one showed cancer....and mine had not spread anywhere.  It's really hard but you just need to wait till you get that diagnoses so you know what you are dealing with.  Since my tumor was so big I had to undergo chemo before any surgeries.  We shrank that sucker big time but I still had to have a mx because there were 3 small islands on the outer edges of where the tumor was...and it was kind of horse shoe shaped.  Deep breath and try to stay positive and move forward.  Once all the tests and dr's visits and treatments start you will be one busy woman killing this cancer.

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  • Lesleyanne67
    Lesleyanne67 Member Posts: 225
    edited December 2012

    Benny



    I just saw your post when you were having a rough time a couple days ago. I wish I had seen it sooner.



    First I can only echo the sentiments about your experience in the store. I did have people say several insensitive things during my journey. I went through the agriculture inspection station - we have these in California, and it was one of the days when I finally had some hair so I went without a hat or wig but it was basically shorter than a buzz....the attendant said have a nice day sir. I LOST it. I had makeup on and I did not think I looked like a sir. For some reason it just really hurt me that day. I wanted to rip his manhood off, figuring since he "thought" I was a sir I needed it more than he did..... Hee hee



    Funny the things that can be upsetting or hurtful when I look back now. But here is what I really want you to know. This whole cancer treatment is a process. Part of the reason those of us a few years out come back is to help then ladies in the "thick" of it is to pay it forward. Someone did it for us and let me tell you, I was 41 and stage 3a. I had days when I wanted to quit treatment or thought i would die. There are good days and bad days and there is no exact formula for what days will be good or bad. Everyone is different and responds or reacts different. That is why all we can do is share our experience to take some of the fear of the unknown out of the equation. Ease apprehension and stress, show that you can make it through it.



    Why make it through it, well that I guess is obvious. But anyone who tells you treatment is anything other than "sucky" is lying. Everyone of us given the choice would NOT do chemo. I HATED being bald, I cried, I hated people telling me it would grow back....ugggh, I told you how I wanted to carry a buzz clip and shave a strip on people who said that : ). BUT the alternative is worse. I did NOT want to die at 41. Not treating my stage 3a with chemo, well maybe there would be a miracle, but the likelihood was I would never have a shred of normal again if I did not at least try. So this is temporary, a very horrid temporary, but I can promise

    you there will be days - later, where you will feel normal-ish.



    I say all this despite the fact that I have personally had a rough road the last 2 years with my attempts to reconstruct after radiation. I put myself through all this by my own choice and even knowing fully informed the possible risk of attempting silicone implants in radiated tissue...but it was a faster recovery, less time off work, and heck it DOES work for some people....now I have had 8 surgeries in 2 years....so I do NOT feel normal because I have had 3-4 surgeries a year and constantly recovering. Failed implants due to infections that are extremely painful. I had surgery in August that took 12 hours and I head back for a stage 2 I knew about THIS Friday.



    I don't share all this so anyone feels badly for me, and this is not a out me, it is about you guys, what I am trying to really say is take it one day at a time. I know that may seem simple or trite, but the truth is it is a process. If you have chemo, surgery, radiation, it will take a good year of your life. Then if you have to delay reconstruction you have to typically wait a year for radiated tissue to "heal". So it is a process and you need to give yourself the OK to feel what you feel and not feel bad about ANYTHING you feel. Don't compare where you are in relation to anyone else. Dosages are based on your weight and height, so how you react will not be the same. Some people struggle everyday throughout their treatment and I even knew someone who ran a half marathon (I did not want to hear about her anymore and told my "friend" who thought that was encouraging it made me feel weak and inadequate so she could keep THAT sort of heroics to herself, wink wink)....AND there is everything in between and there is no right or wrong, it is a PERSONAL journey. If you feel sick 20 days after, do

    what. Don't beat yourself up. I just allowed each day to unfold and accept it for what it was,

    good or bad. It is what it is was a daily mantra. : )



    So Benny, I know it is rough, and I know you want to reclaim your old self - THAT is exactly why to see this all through no matter how bad it gets, it IS the best hope you have to reach that goal. You can do this. I never did say it would be easy, but it will get better. It might be worse before it gets better, I can't promise you have seen the worst yet, but maybe you have!!! A friend from high school was diagnosed a year ago and we spoke and I basically told her there is going to be a whole year of your life you will wish you could forget. I wanted to cover every mirror, when I would catch a glimpse of myself, well I just looked nothing like me. Puffy and bloated from steroids, bald, I was one of the lucky ones who gained weight instead of losing it, and I had always been tall and thin with long hair, it was REALLY hard. I am vain I admit it. I am STILL not myself yet, but i WILL get there. Seriously I am a type A control freak so the best lesson in all of this for me was realizing I really was NOT in control and when I surrendered trying to control what I could not and live in the moment, even if that moment sucked big time, I could make it to the next day.



    I think of you all the time. My last chemo was June 30, 2009. I did the dose dense A/C/T every 2 weeks. I can't believe I made it through, but I did. You are a tougher cookie than you know and my opinion is there is NO such thing as big girl panties during chemo. Feel what you need to feel. If you are angry and you need to break something - go ahead. If you want a huge pity party and want to lay around in your PJs and cry all day- do it. If you want to eat bad, deep-fried food- do it. There are no rules right now, whatever it takes to make it to the

    next day AND don't judge yourself. Don't feel bad that you are not you, or you can't make it to the barn, just do what you can when you can, period. It is freeing really, trust me, just let go for the next year, it really is the only choice you have : )



    I hope this does not come across "preachy" it is really just a big permission slip! Sending big hugs and wishing not just Benny, but all of you in the eye of the storm, as minimal side

    effects as possible!!! Happy holidays.



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  • carlads
    carlads Member Posts: 241
    edited December 2012

    Good Morning Warrior Sisters,

    Yesterday was a tough day I had to say good bye to my Coastie Son he had to return to Texas.  I was happy to see him but it is bittersweet!  Goodbye is so hard on all of us.. 

    I have been going on the TN thread, but I just don't feel the connection like I do here with all of you. I guess because we all started this journey together.  Dr appt today nerves are getting the best of me again. Those darn pathology reports.  I think I told you all he said everything came out clean I did have the nuclear dye and my sentinel node had microscopic cells that tested positive he said it was like being a little pregnant .  So protocol required an auxiliary node dissection.  He said they looked good to him but we won't know til the report. I am just hoping I get at least one drain out today!  

    Benny, I probably would have been in tears!  Our emotions are already on overload and situations like that certainly don't help.

    Traii, I hope your blood-work all turns out well.  Not sure when my Chemo will start I meet with the oncologist Friday. 

    Dakota, you're right your kids will be your strength and they will get you through this.  I sure miss my kids being small but it helps with my little Grand-daughter she is a angel..  I am so blessed to have them live in the same town.

    Everyone else have a wonderful day!

    Sending love to all, 

    Carla


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  • Dakota212
    Dakota212 Member Posts: 1,153
    edited December 2012

    Lesley-

    I applaud u!!!! So well said and every bit of it is true!!! We have no control over anything. Do what feels right today. We are here today!!! Thanks so much for ur inspiring words!!!

    Bevlee-

    I am sooo jealous would love the sun and a cold beer, tho I did have not one but two chocolate Martinis yesterday. Very good... Lol

    Edi-

    I love ur stories. Ur the best!!!

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