Winter RADS 2012 Club...Please come join the fun!

Off to get my left foob deflated this morning. RO said it will be in the way for rads. I am so depressed about this. Tomorrow is the CT and mapping. It all sucks.

Loveofcritters- I totally understand the whole missing time from work thing. I either have to go early in the morning or late in the day. I can't afford to miss anymore work.

Dianarose: I am sorry that you have to go through this. After all that you went through to now have it deflated has to be a real bad feeling. Post as soon as you can tomorrow and let us know how you did, ok? I think, though that today's ordeal will be the worst day of the two, emotionally.

deeteeone: I'm glad your employer is human. That is how we all should be treated! TLC never hurt anyone, and you need that don't you? Let us know how it went. The first day I was crying.

Loveofcritters, I'm so sorry your boss is being such a jerk.  It boggles my mind that people can be so un-understanding re: a cancer diagnosis.  It's not like we all want to be going to radiation!  I'm just sorry you have to deal with that, and I hope your radiation center understands that you don't have a lot of flexibility in your schedule.

2 treatments down...23 to go.  Sigh.  At least progress is being made!  They are using something called a "bolus" with me - does anyone understand what that does?  I don't really understand how it helps and if it means that my skin will react differently...

Hope all you ladies are feeling good!

My deflation was quick and it looks like a flat tire. I don't cry often, but had a bit of a melt down tonight. I am just tired of all of it. This started 14 months ago with a suspicious mammogram.Then 2 biopsies, a lumpectomy, and 3 weeks later a bmx followed by 5 months of chemo. It will be a long six weeks. I have to go for my scan and mapping tomorrow. I hope they can use the old tats. My PS promised she will inflate me the same day of my last rad. My MO was so nice today. All my counts were back to normal and he was surprized how well I did with the chemo. He even gave me a hug.

When I did the chemo I was so tired, but couldn't sleep. I know from round one that with radiation you can sleep. It didn't make me tired until about week three and then I was in be no later than 7. I was finished in March and by June I was back to my normal self as far as fatigue goes. 

Loving: (I understand that out-of-pocket deductible so well! Even one day into next year would cost me a mere $5,000 to start the deductible all over again.) You may not have to wait in the waiting room...did they tell you to go right back after checking in and get changed? I am in such a rush when I hit the front door they probably feel a wind rushing through the room as I make for the changing room. Did you have your simulation yet? I think many of us have or are going through anger too. I am 56 yet even I feel young compared to the others there.

cider8: I had to learn a great deal from our sisters that have gone through this already. My doctor didn't recommend anything either. I understand those emotions so well, it seems that we feel so alone at least for the first couple of times. Is that what you were feeling? I am having the same treatment, today will be 15 of 31. So far so good, and the back of my shoulder and clavicle are getting the zaps too. I keep thinking how close that is to my lungs and heart, and hope to goodness that the machine is calibrated right and the nurses are lining me up right...worried about everyone doing their job right is what sucks me of peace.

fhny2012: I have never heard of a bolus. Let us know what that is! You're on the track now...it does get old.

dianarose: I am glad you got through yesterday with a hug. I was hoping that you would be able to have the inflation right away when finished but don't feel informed enough to say it. Your doctor gave you a collective hug from all of us! Please let that hug sustain you as you face off with this latest set back. Tell us how you do today with the first one. As far as sleep....I was in bed at around 6:30 last night. I think that the fatigue for me is really sleepiness, not tiredness if that makes any sense. But, like you, it feels good to sleep after the chemo nightly wakefulness. And with winter upon us, the bed is nice and warm....zzzzzzzz

Sonya: I know. It is good that we have each other. After just a little while no one really wants to hear about this. You start to see their eyes glass over. Is it the day and age we live in? where people won't listen and feel empathy for another's pain? I don't know. The advice here has really really helped me, I will tell you that. And to know that I can vent here is also great...so you just come on here and we will listen and also comfort you in place of your friends there where you live. We all need some TLC and empathy.

Gotta run and get ready for another day. Have a good one sisters!

I have been in Rads for two weeks and have already discovered that the 'start time' varies all over the place. I get there 15-20 minutes before my time and I know who goes just before and after me so I can kind of judge whats up by seeing them or not. I have been taken really early, early, on time, late and  really late in just two weeks. I am not one to keep my mouth shut but have not questioned it yet and neither have they. I pretty much know what the answers will be: someone was late, the equipment was acting up, someone didn't show/cancelled.   I am retired but I do have other appts or things to do after the Rads so when they are late it upsets my schedule.  AND I want to get home before the maddening hoards get off the interstate coming home from DC.

I have an Ortho appt today 45 minutes before my Rads and 5 minutes away. Its almost an emergency appt so I took what they had. I will go early and hope I get taken a bit early. Figuring that today because I have this other appt the Rads center would take me early or on time so I  told my primary Rads tech about the appt and she said to call her if it looks like I will be late and not to worry.  Today is  also doctor day . I just hope it works out. My Ortho is a sweetheart and I am the 2nd appt after lunch so it should be ok.

I can only imagine what it would like if I were still working. I worked 45-50 minutes away on a good day so having Rads at lunch would be out of the question. Having them first thing in the AM would have worked for me because alot of the Wash DC area rush would be outta here but not sure how it would have worked for my employer. I worked at home 3 days a week so that would have helped.

Terri

Dianarose, Your melt down is understandable.  That is a long time to be in active treatment and it wears down even the strongest of the strong around here. 

Loving,  Yeah, a lot of times the B/C patients are the youngest in the room.  I know what you mean.  I feel sorry for those older people I see, because I think rads will be harder for them.  I feel sorry for the younger people I see, that they shouldn't have to even go through this.   Don't worry about Christmas.  It will be the year "mom showed us how to get thru' something difficult."  You don't have to be a superwoman, just a real person role model and believe me that is giving your kids something more precious than anything you can put under a tree. 

This might be a little late for some but if you really don't want tattoos, ask if they will just mark you with a Sharpie marker.  I had that and the markings never rubbed/showered totally off.  They could touch them up daily, and they gave me a marker to use over the weekends as needed.  Other than getting a green marker stain on the one bra I wore during that time, there was no downside for me.

I did get three tatts this time.  I told them to make them TINY, but mine are slightly larger than fine-line felt tip marker.  Oh well, these are not on my chest so it's not like the world will ever se them.

What I want to stress is that you may not be given a choice, but if you ask you will probably find that they do have an alternative to the tattts.

Hi All... hope tx are going well,.  anyone getting cat scans and/or xrays in between RADS.....Told I was getting a CT scan tomorrow -5th day of RADS -so far so good - no major issues - having the 15 day protocol..

hate all this radiation --- gets me down...

Loviing, glad your first day went well. I had 14/33 today and am so used to it that i totally zoned out and was surprised to be finished. The techs scard the hell out of me when they came in the room. I like the spongebob stickers.

Heidismom I guess I am getting tired too since I just woke up in my chair and read your post. My skin is also getting pink. The aloe felt good tonight. I have to find something to keep my compression bandaging from the lyphedema from rubbing around in armpit/chest area. I will have to get creative as the bandaging is quite thick. Oh well, its only for a few weeks more on both counts. Sleep well and knock another treatment off tomorrow. I cross mine off my calendar in black sharpie when I get home

Jazzygirl: I don't have that kind of experience but just wanted to let you know our hearts go out to you! And I have the nerve to complain...it must be a heck of a problem to have to go out of state and worry about everything from lodging to work to the home front being taken care of. That is just a lot on someone's plate when they need to rest! I hope someone can help but I haven't heard of internal for breast cancer to this point.

dventi: They scan me once per week. I have 31 treatments. The other girls said it is normal.

loving: Glad your first day was good. Now it becomes a kind of rut after the first week. Next emotion to watch for on your radar is anger. I am mid way almost and that is how I feel. I remember reading the posts from the fall rads girls and several were extremely angry...cussing angry. It gets old. You get tired and cranky.

cvmarilyn: That must have been a sad treatment for you. How strange that it was on your dad's birthday too. I hope it made you feel less alone somehow, like your treatment was meant to be and your dad was there with you. Are you doing ok now?

Loving: I'm sorry but 2 xtra treatments IS a big deal. I would try to put a brave face on it too, because what else can you do except endure? I loved what elimar said on her post about your kids this Christmas, it was exactly what I wanted to say and tried but couldn't get the right words out. Perfect.

cowpower: I LOVED your idea of an olympics for rushing into treatment. I would probably get arrested for taking off my clothes in the car on the way there and running into the building with my bra half off! That is what I feel like doing now!!! So many people have seen my breasts what does it matter if a few more get a peek?

Well ladies off of here to go and sit on the couch with a cup of coffee and try to face the day. Does anyone else feel like life is slipping between their fingers like water? The days turn into weeks that turn into months, etc. and I don't feel like I have ever lived. Just a to do list every day. Duty and responsibilites, and no joy.

sonson, well I wasn't even posting much on here for the rest of AC because I felt pretty bad. I think I was more tired when I fasted before and after AC but I still don't think I'd change what I did. It was overall more comfortable for me to just sleep than to deal with the gut pain plus the Neulasta usually knocked me out too. I don't know how many people on chemo experience more gut pain than nausea - it may have something to do with my celiac but also as my MO reduced my steroids, that eased the pain a bit too. I should document up more of this info on that space I think before I forget it. I have made even better waffles since that recipe - I am SO hooked on buckwheat, it's maybe a little weird but then much of our country eats wheat every meal so I guess there's that comparison...