Having a hard time tonight...

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Jacknet
Jacknet Member Posts: 6
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

My wife was diagnosed 18 mos. ago with triple negative stage 3c breast cancer and it's been a fight ever since. We went through all the treatments recommended by the good folks at Memorial in Chattanooga specifically the Mary Ellen Locker Breast Cancer Center. 8 mos of chemo, then surgery (complete left breast) then radiation. After that the oncologist said the cancer was gone according to the last pet scan. She recommended we go to Vanderbuilt and see a doctor she knew well and was doing studies on drugs. We got into a study that provided a drug with chemo every 3 weeks to kill the blood cells that cancer leaves behind. That drug was avastin and I don't know what the other two drugs were but it was administered IV every 3 weeks. After 6 mos. of that another pet still revealed no cancer. According to plan the chemo was stopped and we were supposed to go back every 6 weeks now and continue the avastin. About 2 weeks into this she started noticing bumps under her skin at the site. Our family doctor said to get in immediately for a pet. The oncologist at Vandy said I want to see you tomorrow. We drove to Vandy (200 mi. one way) and the doctor counted 39 lessions and started her immediately on chemo which is starting to make her sick again. I don't know how much more I can take. I only have 2 other guys I can really talk to. When I'm alone and start thinking or after I talk to her and she says that it looks like the bumps are multiplying and spreading, I just want to sit and cry. I don't know what to do. 

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  • Moiralf
    Moiralf Member Posts: 1,056
    edited November 2012

    Oh I am so sorry. This is such a terrible disease. To have gone though so much and to have good results and now this. The roller coaster is unbelievably hard.

    I don't have any advise about your wife's treatment. It does sound that she is in good hands but that is not all of the problem is it? The emotional cost for both of you is something else to deal with. Words don't really describe the pain inside.

    Having someone to talk to and cry with is important for both of you. Support is vital. If possible find a cancer counsellor, they have understanding of what patients and families have to deal with and they are a safe place to vent without hurting loved ones. You are in a very hard place as is your wife and getting though each day is all you need to be looking at. The future will take care of itself. Fear is our greatest enemy when we are dealing with the what ifs and thinking about tomorrow.

    Be kind to yourself and know that it is very normal to be scared, even for big strong men. It's hard to stand and watch and not be able to fix things. My husband hates that he can't take this away from me. That is just the way it is but you are not alone. Reaching out here and even just reading others helps. You can't be strong all the time but that is not a failing. It is normal and expected. Get whatever help you need and look after each other. Hugs and holding each other tight are helpful too.

    All the very best to you and your wife and please come back and talk again if you need.

    Moira

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  • ruthbru
    ruthbru Member Posts: 57,235
    edited November 2012

    Cancer Centers generally have social workers who are specifically trained to help people in these situations. Ask if you can meet with one. Some other things you can do are; ask if there are any caretaker support groups in your area, and the American Cancer Society has toll free numbers one can call for advice and support at an hour of the day or night, and as you care for your wife, you need to take care of yourself too....exercise is a very good way to clear the mind and guard your own health as you cope with this difficult time. My very best, Ruth

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  • Jacknet
    Jacknet Member Posts: 6
    edited November 2012

    Thank you ladies for taking the time to write those kind words. 

    I will look into the support at the facility. Yesterday we still hadn't heard if it has spread. The gears of medicine don't turn at our pace, especially during the holidays. The results haven't arrived at our doctors office yet. More waiting. More anxiety. I do walk for some relief but it's not the answer either. We really just have to walk through it in the end don't we?

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  • Jacknet
    Jacknet Member Posts: 6
    edited December 2012

    Hi everyone - Well things are looking up. My wife is showing some signs of the latest flare up dissapating a little bit. Even her doctor mentioned it in her last visit. She also went to the Living Food Institute in Atlanta for 10 days. They eat nothing but raw foods for a month. Many people have been cured of cancer while doing this. My wife has more energy than she's had in a long time even while doing another round of chemo. My friend Eddie with liver cancer is going to try it soon and my wifes' brother and wife who are not sick are going to try it. It's a really neat place. Has a huge kitchen and while your there they do all kinds of positive mental exersizes. Many other therapies involved including a good cleaning out but I won't mention how they do that. I think you all know what I mean. It's not the answer for everyone but it helped my wife who has stage 4 breast cancer. We go back in 3 weeks for a PET scan to see if it's spread any. 

    Moira: I'm wondering how you are doing as you seem to have had what my wife had. I'm sorry I don't understand all the codes at the bottom.

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