it's been quite a year

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited September 2012

    Reality- I know how scary it is.  I had my bone scan come back with 3 abnormal spots (on the sternum) so am in that limbo state as well waiting on further testing.  I can tell myself a hundred times a day it is probably "nothing" but once you know your body is capable of "something" it is difficult to convince yourself completely.  I like your screen name, though, because the reality is it is probably nothing on mine and I hope for you, too.  I know these difficult days of worrying are just part of my new horizon, though.

  • crystalphm
    crystalphm Member Posts: 1,138
    edited September 2012

    Kate, if you don't mind my asking (since we have the same diagnosis) why did you get the scan in the first place?

    Having both breasts removed I really don't know what I am looking for anymore. lymph nodes enlarge and get small again, scars pull... I just don't know my new normal. Thanks.

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited September 2012

    Crystal- I don't mind at all.  I've been having pain in the sternum area so my GP sent me for a chest x-ray which came back normal.  She was being extra cautious she said in ordering the bone scan but it came back abnormal so next was a cat scan which showed abnormalities, too.  So now she's passing me back to my oncologist who told me today it looks "suspicious" but could be something benign.  She's reviewing everything right now to see what's next.  I thought I knew my new normal.  Guess this is my new new normal- for awhile anyway.  

  • jwilco
    jwilco Member Posts: 486
    edited September 2012

    Kate, Reality, I pray your scans come out ok.  I know if it were me I would be in a full blown worry tizzy.  I'm working on that though. Going to try mindfull meditation to help me live in the moment.

    I recently had my nipple construction and minor fat grafting.  I had fat grafting before and it was a lot more than this time.  But this time I feel these weird bumps in the lypo area.  I know it's only scar tissue from that procedure, but really did my mind have to go there? 

     <sigh>  It's just so hard.  But I swear, one way or another I will get through this and move forward.  I am going to try the support group again.  Sometimes they have guest speakers and I feel that just because the first one was a little weird I don't want to remove the possibility of it helping me just from the one bad experience.

    The has been a tough year.  I still come to this site because it is sort of a support group too.  I appreciate each and every one of you that share your experience.  Thank you.

  • mybee333
    mybee333 Member Posts: 1,189
    edited September 2012

    I had lots of weird little lumps and bumps, almost swollen little tunnels, after microfatgrafting this past summer.  They are gone now.  I still have twinges of pain at times in the fat grafted areas.

  • Maddie57
    Maddie57 Member Posts: 296
    edited September 2012

    Hi Kate33,

    I am so sorry you are STILL waiting for a definitive diagnosis. That must be soooo stressful for you. An answer one way or another is much better than the waiting and worrying. At least then you would know what you are dealing with. Thinking of you such a lot.

    I know what you all mean about the numbness. This website has been a lifeline. I tried the UK Breast Cancer website, but felt more at home on this one. Even on here I sit and read your comments which give me a great deal of information and comfort, but often don't feel I can butt in and comment on anything - although I reply in my mind! I don't know about you but I was on my own when I was given my diagnosis. I could hardly swallow as my husband had passed on his cold, and I was still black and blue from a difficult milk duct removal the week before. I had to make all sorts of difficult decisions in 10 mins - did I want immediate reconstruction - what kind etc. I sometimes think that is why I am still floating along. Too many decisions short circuited my brain! 

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited September 2012

    Maddie- It would never be butting in.  I think on all the threads, but especially this one, everyone's posts are helping everyone else.  I know every time I read about someone else feeling these same emotions it makes me feel a little more normal.  I think this is the best support group in the world.  Sometimes I show up every hour and share.  Other times I hide in the corner in my p.j.'s and just listen.  Either way it's helps.  Just don't know what I would do without this place.

  • Maddie57
    Maddie57 Member Posts: 296
    edited September 2012

    Hi Kate,

    Sorry forgot to reply to your comment about your Dr and the results. You did mention it was just prior to a public holiday. I am sure you will find she took a few extra days leave and maybe trusted her partner to check on the results. They are usually much more sympathetic if they have had some sort of experience with BC. A week before I started chemo the stitches in my TE went septic, and I had to see the GP for antibiotics. Couldn't get an appointment with mine and saw one of the other partners. I had never been to him before, but his wife had BC, and he could not have been sweeter or kinder. Wished me luck with the chemo etc

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited September 2012

    Maddie- They actually got a hold of me the Friday before the holiday even though their recording said they were gone until Tuesday.  

  • SuzyBlue
    SuzyBlue Member Posts: 125
    edited September 2012

    I think waiting is the new torture in my life. It was tapering off in intensity with the completion of each phase of the nightmare and then I find myself having to wait more than 3 weeks for an 'urgent' mammogram, which has now been changed to an ultrasound. It has finally been scheduled for Thursday, the day I am off to Sydney for a week, I saw that coming too!

  • Golden01
    Golden01 Member Posts: 916
    edited October 2012

    Today marks one year from when I returned to work after two and a half months off for my lumpectomy and bilateral mastectomy. I started the day by completing questionaires for the Dr. Susan Love Research Foundation's HOW breast cancer starts and HOW to prevent it: the Health of Women Study (HOW). Often, I still seem to think about cancer most all the time and am not sure I will ever move much further beyond where I am now but reflecting back on a year ago - I have done pretty well. I used my juicer last night (beet and pineapple juice!) and am heading out for my three mile walk this morning in my new clothes that look pretty good! I miss my old breasts but in a bra or a t-shirt, my new ones aren't so bad. I take my Tamoxifen twice a day and will switch to an aromatase inhibitor down the road even though yesterday, my bone density scan wasn't as good as I'd hoped. I've lost ten pounds. In spite of it all, I got a promotion at work last month too.

    Here's the link for info on the HOW study: http://www.armyofwomen.org/?utm_content=How+launch+2&utm_campaign=Mailings&utm_source=iPost&utm_medium=email

  • mybee333
    mybee333 Member Posts: 1,189
    edited October 2012

    Unless I have another problem, or issue going on, my mind still does slip back to the cancer, mostly about taking care of myself.  I think it is just there now, a part of me.

  • jittersmom
    jittersmom Member Posts: 165
    edited October 2012

    I just passed my 1 year since diagnosed date. i am still getting herceptin, i have my mammogram scheduled for November 26th ..and i still feel like mybee333 its on my mind all the time unless someone else in the family is in crisis. Then I think how far I have come and for awhile I am OK. I keep thinking i want this all behind me, but not so sure that will ever be the case 

  • mybee333
    mybee333 Member Posts: 1,189
    edited October 2012

    Sometimes I still see my breast, with it's 8" scar and lack of nipple and it hits me anew that this really happened to me. 

  • crystalphm
    crystalphm Member Posts: 1,138
    edited October 2012

    Mybee, I feel exactly the same thing. I am fine for a few weeks and then it "sharply" hits me...once again. maybe because I am coming up to the 1 year anniversary?

    I am reworking my thinking, this won't even be completely behind me. More likely, it is a y in the road of life and I am in a new direction now. I am ok with this, taking better care of myself, seeing doctors, and de-stressing as best I can.

    I still stay close to these boards...

  • mybee333
    mybee333 Member Posts: 1,189
    edited October 2012

    Yeah, I think it is more of a Y. Life has taken a definite turn and that is that. 

  • mstrouble16
    mstrouble16 Member Posts: 198
    edited November 2012

    Well, today has just been not to good and just need to vent a moment if that's okay.  Went on October 22 for my first set of PetScans and CTScans since my diagnoses last year.  Oncologist office  called and would like me to have an ultrasound of the left lymphnode's under my left arm.  I was originally diagnose in the right breast, had a bilateral mastectomy, chemo and tamoxifen.  Makes one a little angry. Thanks for the vent!!

  • mybee333
    mybee333 Member Posts: 1,189
    edited November 2012

    I'm sure you must be more than angry. Please let us know how this goes for you.  Hoping it will be nothing!! I am looking over your diagnosis.  You have a very good chance of this being a nuisance, nothing more. You certainly don't need this though after all you have been through!

     Peace and blessings to you my dear.

  • crystalphm
    crystalphm Member Posts: 1,138
    edited November 2012

    Mstrouble, I am sorry. I would be angry too. In fact, I was...I had my second mastectomy 18 months after my first. *something* showed up just like in your scans, so I had more scans and it was *unidentified* so I had a biopsy and that came back *unidentifiable*. I was so angry...I decided to have my second breast removed.

    It turned out there was no cancer, but I am glad to be free from all the cancer stuff.

    My thoughts are with you.

  • mstrouble16
    mstrouble16 Member Posts: 198
    edited November 2012

    Mybee333-Thanks I'm hoping so too....my darn hair is just starting to look like a short hair style.......

  • mybee333
    mybee333 Member Posts: 1,189
    edited November 2012

    It looks pretty good in the pic.  You look great :)

  • mstrouble16
    mstrouble16 Member Posts: 198
    edited November 2012

    Well had to have a ultra sound guided core bicopsy yesterday, so I'll know in about 10 days. On a good note the Breast Surgeon doesn't think it's anything to worry about, that she see this a lot in women who have had DIEP Breast Reconstruction (her words, "that's a BIG surgery") , and reminded me "don't worry unitl I tell you to worry".  I love her she can so calm my nerves.

  • mybee333
    mybee333 Member Posts: 1,189
    edited November 2012

    Well that sounds very good :)  Nerve calming is always a plus!

  • proudtospin
    proudtospin Member Posts: 5,972
    edited November 2012

    ms....I like that doc, stay busy till the test results...do believe you could do with a pedicure, manicure or facial~~~always makes me feel better

    good luck

  • mstrouble16
    mstrouble16 Member Posts: 198
    edited November 2012

    And the results are in....can I get a B9!!!!!!   Woohoo!!!!  So freaking happy great way to start a weekend!!!

  • Golden01
    Golden01 Member Posts: 916
    edited November 2012

    Hooray!!! You can breathe again. So happy that you got the results before the weekend rather than after the holiday on Monday.

  • crystalphm
    crystalphm Member Posts: 1,138
    edited November 2012

    Yeah on the b9 results!!!!! No sweeter words.....

  • mybee333
    mybee333 Member Posts: 1,189
    edited November 2012

    That's wonderful!  Good for you :)

  • proudtospin
    proudtospin Member Posts: 5,972
    edited November 2012

    Hey, congrats on a B9 result!

    wahoo and do celebrate this weekend

    you know they get so careful with us guys, good but sure is nerve wracking~

  • Denise-G
    Denise-G Member Posts: 1,777
    edited November 2012

    MsTrouble - WOOOOO HOOOOOO so happy for you!!!

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