MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN 40-60ish

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  • JRyan
    JRyan Member Posts: 178
    edited October 2012

    elimar,

    As I had pretty small breasts before, the new girls are pretty nice. They fill out clothes better and make me look a little better proportioned.  I still miss the feelings in the old girls though :(

    Happy Halloween everyone!

  • Momine
    Momine Member Posts: 7,859
    edited October 2012

    Elimar, I have not had recon, but I still consider the new me an improvement. I now have short hair for the first time in my life and I like it. The guy who did my hyster ever so gently and patiently got rid of all the scar tissue in my abdomen, so now my belly is flat again. it had bothered me for 20 years and also hurt and no doctor ever took me seriously. I also lost 25 lbs and got back in the gym. 

  • JRyan
    JRyan Member Posts: 178
    edited October 2012

    I need some assistance...

    My 14 year old daughter, who is now a freshman in high school, thinks it is still ok for her to go trick-or-treating. I think once you hit high school, you've outgrown the treat-or-treating stage.

    What do you guys think?

  • iatigger
    iatigger Member Posts: 447
    edited October 2012

    Hi JRyan, I agree with you. My daughter is 12 and I think she is on the edge of the trick or treat realm. She is only going this year because her old sitters kids wanted her to go. That being said, we always have a handful of older kids stop by and as long as they are dressed up I don't have a problem. It is the ones that have no real costume that annoy me. But I still give them the treat just so they don't show up later to do some tricking. :)

  • dechi
    dechi Member Posts: 173
    edited October 2012

    My 14-year-old daughter is not trick-or-treating this year.  There does come a point (although I have to admit I'll miss snitching some of her candy!Tongue Out)

  • elimar86861
    elimar86861 Member Posts: 7,416
    edited October 2012

    My older boy's last year to trick or treat was 8th grade and he went in a costume. 

    My younger boy did go as a 14-yr-old freshman in high school.  In 7th Grade, he had an early evening soccer game and had only gone in the neighborhood for 20 min. before the game.  In 8th Grade, it was a miserable night of cold rain so, feeling ripped off, he wanted to go the next year.  Well, I made him hand out my candy til after 8:00 p.m., when our neighborhood slows down.  Most young kids are finished by then too.  He went out for about an hour with one friend his age.  They wore masks and got a pretty big haul from people who were about to close.

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited November 2012

    A 14 year old may just want to go out and hang out with a bunch of kids in the dark. Great excuse!! Or, she may want to put on excess make-up..another great excuse!! I figure as long as they're safe and in public and not shacked up in someone's basement, they are safe.

  • JRyan
    JRyan Member Posts: 178
    edited November 2012

    Very true barbe1958!

  • Bobbisil
    Bobbisil Member Posts: 18
    edited November 2012

    Hi, I'm 46 and relatively new here. I've been reading this morning and my eyes have been opening more and more. Boy, was I delusional! I thought, "I'm going to take this on, do what I have to do and move on with my life in about a year or so." Yeah. God's been laughing his a$$ off at me, I'm sure! I thought, "I'm going to have a bilateral mastectomy with immediate reconstruction early to mid-November, get my permanent implants in near mhy birthday (mid-May) and then a year or so later, when the scars have healed, I'm going to get sweet tattoos to camoflouge the scars." I'd heard/read that the breasts have reduced feeling and that tatts don't really hurt that much.

    Today I read here that many people are having issues with skin sensitivity. Just having the wind blow causes great discomfort. I found out that my lymph nodes are involved on Monday and my plan to just go for it and have a bilateral mastectomy with immediate reconstruction has been delayed. Now I"ll more than likely be having a lumpectomy and axillary node dissection, probably chemo, possibly radiation and not having the mastectomy/recon until 6 months after. I am pi$$ed. I have two "boys" (25 and nearly 23 who are out on their own - for now) and a 9 1/2 year old daughter. I keep telling her that we're going to keep her life as normal as possible while I deal with this. How the heck do I do that when this is going to be taking up so much more than my life?

    I can't even tell what I'm feeling right now. THis is the second time since I was diagnosed about a month-and-a-half ago that I just feeling like I"m going to lose it...and part of me feels guilty because my 53 yr old sister is fighting stage 4 liposarcoma and has been for 2 1/2 years with a great attitude. I realize that I'm entitled to feel this way but it still doesn't feel right. I just needed to vent  to people who would "get it". Thanks for listening.

  • elimar86861
    elimar86861 Member Posts: 7,416
    edited November 2012

    Welcome Bobbisil, and I have to say right off that there is no right or wrong reaction to this ordeal.  I totally understand your feelings because I felt very similar ones.  I did not even want cancer dictating where I had to go and what I had to do for the first month, let alone the first year.  I resented the B/C demands on my time (and even tho' I have lots of time at my disposal, I can think of 800 better ways to spend it!)   One comment, if you do go for lumpectomy, it almost always is paired with radiation.  You can refuse it, but that would be like saying you are positive that your surgeon got every last cell of B/C out of there or that if not that any cells left behind will just behave themselves and die off quietly.  You can't know that for sure, and when the "clean up" treatment of rads is offered, so many of us do agree to it.  

    All the women reading here can offer you real understanding.  It's difficult, but you are not alone.

  • Bobbisil
    Bobbisil Member Posts: 18
    edited November 2012

    Thank you. I didn't mean to make it sound as though I'll reject rads if recommended. I'll still be having the bilateral mastectomy once whatever treatments they recommend and hopefully I'll be able to have immediate reconstruction. I'll do whatever they suggest, that doesn't mean I'm going to like it, that's for darn sure!

  • momto7
    momto7 Member Posts: 225
    edited November 2012

    Welcome Bobbisill Smile  I know how you are feeling  I am haveing a lot of up and down  feelings too I wish I had answers for you but I am still looking for them lol hang in there you will be alright I keep telling myself what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Cool

  • Bobbisil
    Bobbisil Member Posts: 18
    edited November 2012

    Thank you momto7! Funny, I hear Kelly Clarkston's song and I think, "Yup!"

    I think I was just having a "moment". I know they're going to come. A close friend of mine pointed out that I haven't really had any down time since before the beginning of the year. It started off with my daughter's teacher causing her to have an anaphylactic reaction to a peanut butter cookie that she gave her (she has a known peanut allergy), my sister's abdomen was 75% tumor last spring, my dad was diagnosed with a rare stomach cancer in May and passed away from it in August and we were in the process of cleaning out my childhood home when my diagnosis came in.

    Since I first posted in this thread, I've gone through my list of gratitudes and it has me feeling much, much better! That combined with the support I've gotten here and from a couple of friends who happened to have called and the sun came out. It's still chilly! But it's shining and pretty outside! That helps immensly!

  • 3-16-2011
    3-16-2011 Member Posts: 559
    edited November 2012

    hi bobbisill

      I certinly hear you. I was dx in 2011 with a 15 year old daughter and 10 year old son. The biggest lesson I had to learn was to accept the help from friends, neighbors and family and co workers. This helped my children's life have some normalcy. I am just learning about what ups and downs they had when I was sick. One resource I am forever greatful for is finding a part time nanny to do things with my son, I did not have the energy for. 

     My thoughts are with you. 

  • Eph3_12
    Eph3_12 Member Posts: 4,781
    edited November 2012

    bobbisill, right place, right time, vent away!

  • Beckers
    Beckers Member Posts: 1,883
    edited November 2012

    Bobbi, You are definitely not alone! I was told I probably had malignancy by radiologist the day before I came to assist my dying father. My plan was also very quick: boobs off, slap new ones on, 6 weeks off work, and done deal. Oh....without breathing a word of it to my family mind you, because how in the world could I do that to them with all that's going on???!!! Even when the radiologist took me in dark room and blew tumor up to the size of salad plate on the screen, I was like, " Yeah, I see what you're saying and appreciate the offer but I'm going to California in the morning because my father is dying." I was not getting it. Vent, rant, and don't feel guilty! Allow yourself to hit the ignore button on cell phone, to cry, to punch the bed pillows, to come on here and be pissed. We understand. <3
    <br />

    My heart goes out to you and your family!!! Truly, Kelly Clarkson says it all....((hugs))

    ~Rebecca

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited November 2012

    Bobbisil, GREAT first rant on this thread!!! Way to go girlfriend!!!! You have your shit together, that's for sure! My only beef is, why not the mast now with TE's???? Why do you have to wait for that? I don't get it.....

  • Reality
    Reality Member Posts: 782
    edited November 2012

    Hello to all - Long day at the hospital, but all went well for port installation. In pain, so I will make this a short on and check-in with you tomorrow - I had the port put in at my local hospital - the surgeon and nurses were wonderful! Post-surgery x ray indicated leak in lung, again, so I had to stay a couple of extra hours. Home now! Yea. 

    Sherry

  • marlegal
    marlegal Member Posts: 2,264
    edited November 2012

    Welcome Bobbisil. Barbe always steals my posts before I get a chance to get them from my head to my fingers to this thread, so anything she says, consider that I said it too, okay?  LOL 

    Had a few messages from board members either here, or on the BCO Chatters FB page asking if we were okay, especially my NJ shore place. We were super lucky - our campground was barely touched while homes on the bay on either side of us were demolished at worst and damaged at least. Our campground has a lot of wetlands between our back entrance and the bay and apparently that saved us. That and the fact that our condo assoc tries to make sure people storm proof the trees on their property so that they actually protect us instead of damaging us. We're immensely grateful this week, that's for sure.

    Hope you all have a good weekend. Hugs.

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited November 2012

    Marl...how do you storm-proof a tree? A big strong one could blow down and do damage, a weak one could blow through your front window!!! And how did the bay save you? Questioning minds want to know....

  • NativeMainer
    NativeMainer Member Posts: 10,462
    edited November 2012

    Bobbisil--if you are planning on a bilateral mastectomy in the future, please reconsider the lumpectomy/radiation route now.  I wound up having a mastectomy due to complications from rads, and the rads made the mastectomy more complicated and made the recon more complicated.  If you are planning on a mastectomy in the future, please do not take the risk of radiation.  Skip the lumpectomy, have the mastectomy.  It's your choice, not the doc's. 

    Granted, radiation is a piece of cake for most women, but there is a risk of complications and if you happen to run into any of them, like I did, it will add at least a year to your overall treatment plan AND affect your recon options. Why risk lung and heart damage from rads if you are going to have the mastectomy?  The rads make the lumpectomy stats equal the mastectomy stats for local recurrence. 

    That being said, please be aware that I am very much opposed to radiation after my horrible experience.  So I am biased against rads.  So give my opinion as much or as little consideration as you think appropriate. 

    My sincere apologies if I offended anyone. 

  • barsco1963
    barsco1963 Member Posts: 2,119
    edited November 2012

    Welcome Bobbisil  and any other newbies that I may have missed. This is a great place to come for support, no matter whether it's a rant, a celebration or you are just needing some confirmation that you are definitely not alone.

    Native - IMO it is important to go in with as much info as possible, including the good, the bad and the ugly. I was so naive when I started out. Being here and hearing of everyone's experiences has helped me to know what to expect.

  • Reality
    Reality Member Posts: 782
    edited November 2012

    Hello to all - had to share this one with you. My oldest son, 36, greeted me at the hosp. last night, with my three wonderful grandchildren, following my port installation. We all hugged and laughed as he drove me home. I usually just get out of his van and go in my house. However, last night he turned the van off, told the kids to stay put for a minute and walked me to my door. I thanked him for the ride and we had our normal good-bye hug - this time, though, he would not let go. He held me in his arms and cried on my shoulder. He just kept saying, "I love you mom, I love you..." My heart just broke for him...

  • luvmygoats
    luvmygoats Member Posts: 2,942
    edited November 2012

    Sherry - What a son to be proud of!

  • Dianarose
    Dianarose Member Posts: 2,407
    edited November 2012

    Question- What date you you all use for your cancerversary? When you first found out, that bad mammogram, biopsy day, etc....

  • NativeMainer
    NativeMainer Member Posts: 10,462
    edited November 2012

    I use the day the biopsy results came back. That was 3 months after finding the lump and getting the bad mammogram report and a month before the first surgery.  It's an arbitrary choice for me. because that is the date that sticks in  my memory. 

  • elimar86861
    elimar86861 Member Posts: 7,416
    edited November 2012

    Dianarose, That question comes up time and again on this thread.  Short answer:  Just pick one, your choice.  I use my surgery date in July, because I like to *think* that's the day I got rid of the cancer.  If my cancer comes back, that date will be pretty meaningless.  A lot use the Dx date, and some use the date of last active treatment.  No right or wrong on this.

    Native, I'm not taking offense, but I would not say rads is a "piece of cake" for most women.  While you had a particularly hard time with rads, I have to say even the women who do not get heart/lung damage (??%) or severe skin burn (~33%) or LE mitigated by rads (??%) still have troubles with fatigue, esophageal burns, cording, and the list goes on.  I got off "easy" with rads, but I have that micro scarring/tightening in the frontal rads area, which I suspect it is the culprit for my "wraparound" mid-back and neck pain.  I'm not a fan of rads either, but can we call it a "piece of mud pie" because it is way nastier than cake?

  • Eph3_12
    Eph3_12 Member Posts: 4,781
    edited November 2012

    Reality, your post about your son broke MY heart.  I burst into tears.  

    I "celebrate" my cancerversary twice Apr 2 '09 diagnosis; May 8 lumpectomy; 

    It Nov 3 & I have tons of Holiday Bazaar's to attend today.  Bittersweet, I usually went with my DD & my mom. DD has to work & well, Mom's in heaven, so I'm going by myself. I'm sure I'll run into people I know tho.

  • Momine
    Momine Member Posts: 7,859
    edited November 2012

    Diana, I count from the bad MRI, but my doc counts from the BMX, because that is when I was officially rid of the cancer, or so we hope anyway.

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited November 2012

    Sherry, that made me cry...I don't even know if my kids even remember that I had cancer!! Your recurrence has surely been an eye-opener for your kids...

    I use the day that cancer and my name were put in the same sentence as my anniversary date.

    Joni, I'm glad you're going to the bazaars anyway. Would be too easy to just say forget it.

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