In shock
Comments
-
Benny, grade 3 cancer means fast growing cells. Chemo is particularly good at killing those. In fact, it kills all fast growing cells in your body together with the cancer cells. That's what causes the side effects. Your medical team really sucks. They probably mean well, but one would just expect much more tact and sensitivity from people who work with cancer patients all the time. I don't understand what's wrong with these people, and it makes me so angry that they upset you like this! Maybe request another onc? You are going to be hitched to this guy for a long time to come, so if you don't like him, ask for another one. There must be quite a few there, and you are well within your rights to do so. As for that nurse navigator, maybe tell her not to upset you like this again, and rather concentrate on what is positive. Oh my goodness! I want to shake her.
So glad that your disability insurance is in place, and there's no worry there. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you!
-
Benny
I know you are in Canada but you have the Internet see if you can go to the Cancer Treatment Centers of America to view their latest commercial I just saw it and it is a woman with her horse. She had pancreatic cancer and is still alive and kicking after 10 years. Very inspirational and made me think of you with her horse. Let me know if you can't find it
Les -
Benny, gosh you have been put through the ringer haven't you ? My Dad used to say when someone gets to you like your Onc is imagine them stark naked and it does work, makes them a lot less scarey. Also some poor woman has to live with him day and night, he must be a joy ( not ).
As these gorgeous ladies say you are not a statistic you are you and will be for a long long time.You have progressed so much since your first post, keep on going. Chemo not welcomed by anyone but we have to give it a go don't we ?
Agree with Momine about the damn housework too. Use the BC card ( looking bit weak and pitiful ) if I can't be bothered doing something. Felt a bit guilty at first but not anymore !
I have stopped wearing mascara as fed up cleaning it off my glasses after crying. Tears are healing.
Hope you had a good day with Diamond.
-
Benny I love the last few posts from, lifetime Momine and Lesley. Everything they say is true....go ahead and cry and cry some more. You will find the crying jags will come further and further apart and be quite surprised when all of a sudden you have time and feel up to seeing Diamond....and you will smile and feel almost normal. I always said I would never feel comfortable going to town in a scarf looking like a cancer patient and now I don't care. Truthfully no one really even takes notice. I hope I remind at least 1 person to go get the mammogram they may have forgotten to do.
Give Diamond and your kitty lots of hugs, don't go giving all of your stuff away you will be around a for a long time yet. Animals are very healing...
There is another trial out of Edmonton I think on a drug called Metforin or something like that. It seems promising and I may ask my Onco about it... -
Edithester hope you are doing well, any news on when you begin your treatment and kind?
I had a good laugh when you made the comment about the women who lives with doc....too funny!
I hope your weather is not too rainy over there. We have almost no leaves left on the trees and boy it is getting chilly.....we are on the first snowfall watch now! -
bearcub, hi treatment starts 30th of this month. Chemo six sessions, three weeks apart. Then about 5 weeks of rads. Onco said they may overlap towards the end to speed things up. About six months in all.
Weather here today pretty dreadful, cold and damp, leaves are starting to fall but garden still has colour as plants thriving due to very wet last few months. Gosh snow where you are coming soon ? dread that here in England. We really don't cope at all well. few years ago depot's ran out of grit for the roads so we skated in our cars to work ! Salt and grit for paths also sold out everywhere. Looks as if winters are changing for the worse now, hope the powers that be get their act together. We do really impressive parades and celebrations but are rubbish at looking after our roads etc.
hope you have a lovely day, I am catching up with friends before treatment starts for coffee and a chat.
-
Bearcup, before chemo I had really long hair, and had always had really long hair. After getting DX and starting chemo, we had a family event with extended family. Most did not yet know about the cancer, so I figured that the scarf with no hair anywhere would clue them in, but no. I had made a nice silk one with long ties ends in the back (to shield my neck from sun, living in Greece and all), and they all thought it was some kind of fashion statement. I thought it was funny.
-
Benny, the scarves stay on even with no hair. But your scalp can get sensitive, so it is a good idea to get some cotton caps or small turbans or something to wear under the scarf. I also used a small covering under a regular hat and built up a whole collection.
Another tip for chemo times is to get a lapdesk. I bought a cheap one in Ikea. There were days when my energy was not great, but I was not so knocked out that I actually wanted to sleep. Instead I would go lie in my bed but take the lapdesk, some books, my puter etc.
Then an old uncle, who has also been through cancer, told me to make sure to have company. It was good advice. It gets boring being low on energy and there is only so much TV you can watch in a day. Much better to have coffee with a friend, or go out for a drink with someone.
-
Edithester and Momine I live in Prince George, British Columbia. It is almost smack inj the middle of British Columbia, yes we get plenty of snow. If you ever watch the discovery channel and see the reality show Highway thru Hell, it is south of us.....
Edith glad you are starting your treatment quickly here and you will be over it by spring. Skating in your cars to work is not a good thing.lol.......hope you have a better winter, our last few have been horrible way to much snow. I will have to post a few pics I have of the yard at its worst...it's crazy!!
Momine I laughed with the fashion statement, I was actually seeing that on a tv show where the ladies had turbans on just for that reason not BC. I guess we can think of ourselves as styling!!....I do have enough to switch up to match my clothes and find them very comfy and with the under caps warm.(much needed for this climate)....I am going to imagine Greece is nice and warm now.
Benny do you have a treatment date. Careful driving the roads are getting unpredictable.
I hope you all have a fantastic day! -
I'm 55 and ALIVE! Just went thru ALL of the same feelings in March 2012 and yes - IT SUCKS! But, you will be a new person on the "other side" - I promise! I had biopsies on both breasts and my "girls" ended up being able to swear in multiple languages! I suggest that you start TODAY by signing up for a CaringBridge.org site. It helps so much to be able to let everyone know what's going on with you & how you feel! When you're in a tizzy, as I know you have been, it's hard to remember WHO you've told WHAT to! This site can keep all of your loved ones UPDATED as often as you care to about where you are in your journey. I posted nearly every day, and was very graphic with everybody! From entry titles ranging from "The other C word that makes you cringe too!" to the all time favorite "Poop!" I wanted them to know what it was REALLY like so they could be aware of what this diagnosis / journey entails! Everybody LOVES my site and thinks that I should write a book about my journey! Go there NOW and sign up - it will save you lots of times repeating all of the steps of your journey! Your friends/family can post messages there for you too! It was TRULY comforting to only have to remember WHAT the daily update is ONCE - and let everyone know at the same time!
I am past chemo (yippie), past my lumpectomy (yippie) and more than half way thru radiation right now! I am living proof that you CAN grow up when you're 55! I had never even been under anesthesia before - and was terrified of doctors & dentists, too! Oh, and on top of the fear of the medical field, I am also a PUKE PHOBE!
My husband went thru HELL too. They don't give nearly enough attention to what THEY go thru with us! Patience, love & hope are what got US through this, so far!
Anything that I can do to help anybody else thru their journey - I AM HERE FOR ANY Q&A! We're part of an elite group now & we're ALL IN THIS TOGETHER!
One day at a time............really! Much love to all going through this! -
Oh, a huge thank you for the responses. I admit I have been in a bit of a depression for the past two days. I also think I have the flu, which doesn't help. I am heading out to the barn to see if I can get out of this negative space. I feel so incredible sad and hopeless, despondent. I am supposed to be going to a chemo class today but just can't bear to go. I need a break from the cancer crap. I will write a much better response here tonight to all of you who have been so supportive and helpful. I don't want to get mushy right now cause it will make me cry then I will not make it to the barn and I really need to get out of the house, even tho' it's cold and cloudy.
Okay, longer letter later.......
-
@bennymuffins, you sound down to me too. I think feelings of sadness are normal when dealing with a serious illness, but despondency and hopelessness might mean you are clinically depressed, in which case medication might be helpful. Ask your doctor or the counselor if an anti-depressant would be a good idea for you. But if you feel like crying, cry. Sometimes it is a relief to let the tears out rather than trying to hold everything inside.
I hope your trip to the barn to see the "plush toy" lifts your spirits.
Also, have you joined one of the threads for people who are all starting chemo around the same time? You will find support and encouragement there. I'm a little over halfway through, and I have to admit I'm finding it something of a drain, and I'm on CMF, the so-called "chemo lite". But I am looking forward to completing chemo, and then having my reconstructive surgery early next year. Chemo is no fun, but the sooner you start, the sooner you'll be done!
-
Bearcub-
If u don't mind me asking... Was ur onco type high is that why u have/had chemo??
I am stage 1, node negative, grade 2.. Onco type 32... MO called last night and said I was high risk for reoccurrence. I don't know what to to/ expect from here. Anyone feel free to weigh in -
Dakota, 32 is high risk. I was lucky and mine was 12 ... How old are you? I would be doing chemo if the MO said you were high risk. Ask around, wait for more responses. I know it is scary and I would be doing the same thing if I was in your shoes. (((hugs)))
-
Joanne -
I am 40. My sister has had breast cancer 2x. She opted for no chemo the first time. And then was rediagnosed 5 years later. -
@Dakota212, our diagnoses are very similar: grade 2 tumor about 2 cm (mine was just under), ER/PR+, HER2-. My Oncotype score was a little lower than yours, and (technically speaking) still in the intermediate range rather than high-risk, but I had a micromet in one sentinel node which you didn't. I'm a little over halfway through 6 months of daily cytoxan with weekly infusions of methotrexate & 5-FU. Check with your onc, but if I remember correctly, for node-negative BC and an oncotype score above 30, there is a clear and significant survival benefit to doing the chemo.
-
Dakota, I was never tested for oncotype.
I am a stage 1, my tumour was 1.1 cm. grade 3 so basically the grade pushed me into chemo. The MO did not like the look of the cells, very aggressive, so i had chemo. I had clear margins, no node involvement , no venous or lymphatic invasion. I have 1 round of AC left on Nov 7th., then rads and herceptin and Tamoxifen. I wanted to do everything possible to fight this disease. Since surgery I am NED..(no evidence of disease). -
Hi Benny, I have a dx of IIIC, 17 pos nodes, started off as in situ but in surgery found the pos nodes. I was told no chemo or rads but again, had to do both. Honestly my chemo, not bad. I n ever got sick or felt horrible, a little spongy but that's about it. Today's chemo's are much better than years earlier. Radiation was not bad either. The worst for me was getting a shot of Nulasta the day after chemo, that made my bones hurt. It is to help the bone marrow produce red blood cells. Anyway, grade 3 is aggressive BUT grade 3 reponds to chemo better than 2 or 1. I don't know why, it just does. I do not know if you mentioned being er/pr positive or negative? Sorry to have you in this club but this site is so wonderful and these ladies are amazing!! Do visit the inspirational biographies discussion board, lots of ladies who are several years out and doing great.
Now on to a better subject: HORSES!! I too am a horse lover. I am so sorry to hear about your loss. You mentioned getting a new horse? Did you do that? I hope so. I just got my new guy this past March, a big stocky paint. He is 6 going on 2. Wow what a character. I don't know what is going on with him as of late but he has been bucking a little lately, last night I was riding and stopped to talk to my sister and her boyfriend came around th corner in the truck, so my horse having seen the truck hundreds of times decided he was terrified and spooked, he went one way and I, well I came off the other way, right to the ground. Ha, at least he didn't run off. Enjoy your horses!! They are the best therapy ever!!((Hugs))
-
Curveball
Thanks for the info. I Am headed to the MO Thursday. It will be interesting to see the plan. Did u or do u work while doing chemo? -
Hi LiveItUp,
Thanks for the response. I am trying to stay upbeat but I'm now dealing with a new horror.... my right breast (the affected one that got surgery) is all red and inflamed and I am worried that I have inflammatory breast cancer on top of my other breast cancer. What a roller coaster ride of horrors this has been. I have an appointment tomorrow with the surgeon so hopefully it's just an infection. I feel like fate is bound and determined to kill me off. I sure hope my chemo is as smooth as yours was. I will start it soon, in about a week I'm guessing.
Congrats on your new boy! They are such incredible creatures, aren't they? I hope your fall wasn't too bad. Who can ever really figure out the mind of a horse? Yesterday Diamond (my new mare) was eating her hay when one of the horses in an adjacent pasture came back from the arena with his owner. He was wearing a blanket. Oooooooh, a horse-eating blanket!!! Well, she spun around on her haunches and high-tailed it to the other end of the pasture and wouldn't come back to eat for almost an hour. All over a horse blanket. It was blue. She must not like blue LOL
This whole cancer thing has really taken a serious chunk out of me and I am thankful every day for Diamond. She is 20 going on 5. She is a TWH and very forward moving/energetic, has not been a high-mileage horse, and does not look or act her age or anywhere near it. I haven't had a chance to ride her yet as I've been recuperating from surgery (she arrived 3 days after my surgery) and now we're in the midst of a serious blizzard. I hope this newest rash is not inflammatory breast cancer and I can just get through the next 6 months of treatment in one piece.
-
-
-
I call this one "Two big bums and a lot of hair"........
-
What great pictures!!!
-
Benny what great pictures, Diamond is truly beautiful. You look real good too!....
I hope you have good news from the surgeon tomorrow, you may have an infection, and need some antibiotics. I doubt you have developed inflammatory breast cancer....it is easy for our minds to go there though!
We don't have snow yet, a bit of a surprise, you actually have a good time of the year for chemo, winter!!!....you will be ready to go riding by spring and be out in those fields.
Did you cut your hair a bit shorter yet?, before you do make sure the type of chemo you get causes your hair to come out. Not all chemo's do....
Take care, Carrie -
Thanks Dakota. Keep us updated on your Thursday appointment with the MO, will you?
Bearcub, thanks for the compliments and the vote for it being just an infection. It has all the hallmarks of IBC but then I don't know what the hallmarks are of an infection so maybe they're the same? I don't need any more bad news. I hope you're right and I am skipping over the fields with the giant plush toy this spring, with the wind blowing through my, uh, wig
Oops... edit.... I have not yet cut my hair. That's going to be so hard. I have NEVER had short hair in my life. This is the shortest it's ever been. I cut it to mid-back when I turned 50
Up til that point I could sit on it. I'll be crying over that one alright. The oncologist said I will lose all my hair, so it's inevitable ~sigh~ I might wait til the last minute. I will probably have panic attacks over it. -
Benny, you are beautiful and so is Diamond!
After my mastectomy and SNB, my breast and underarm became red and swollen. It was an infection and early onset lymphedema. I went on antibiotics for the infection and had massage and kinesio taping for the LE for the next 12 months which got it under control - very few problems with it since.
Several months after surgery, my remaining breast was very itchy. It was like that for quite some time and I worried it might be IBC. I never worked out what it was but it eventually calmed down.
Your surgery is a shock to your whole system and infections and other side effects are are common.
I hope your surgeon gives you reassuring news tomrrow.
-
Well you know what they say Benny "Horses are afraid of 2 things: Things that move and things that don't" LOL certainly seems to be true.
I think your redness is probably a rash or just your body healing. My last surgery was 9-18-12 and I still have redness around the scar line, surgeon is not worried, so don't you worry. Our bodies are resilient!! A blizzard eh? yuck!! In Ohio today we are enjoying another 70 degree day with a high of 78 tomorrow!! yeah!! Next week more seasonal weather in the 50's, oh well, summer can't last forever. Good news I bought a horse trailer and can't wait to go trail riding!! My horse has not been n the trails around here so it will be exciting and I am sure a test of wills as most things are with him. But he is a good boy and my best bud!! I would post a picture but I don't know how.
-
@Dakota212, I have been telecommuting since 2 weeks after my surgery. In theory, I am working halftime, but actually I don't work 20 hours a week, I use sick leave or FMLA and don't work at all the day of my chemo treatement.
Lately I have also been using considerable vacation time for househunting. I sold my house right after I got diagnosed, thinking I would be completely on unpaid leave during treatment & thus unable to pay my mortgage. Now I need to buy a place to move into when I'm done, and I plan to retire from my job at that point, or possibly before my reconstructive surgery, depending on when I can get on the schedule for that. I have made an offer on a house and am looking at how much the necessary repairs will cost to see if I'll have enough money left over to do them, after paying cash for the house. It needs some cosmetic fixup too, but that will have to wait if I do buy it. Maybe I will sign up with a temporary agency and see if I can pick up a little extra income for that purpose.
-
Benny-
Thanks. I am also on FMLA, I have been out a month, two weeks were paid. I am scheduled to go back to work Monday. This darn onco type score has thrown a monkey wrench into the plan. But I will find out everything tomorrow. Good luck 😃😃😃
![http://i47.photobucket.com/albums/f176/Gilliangirl/Diamondandme.jpg[/IMG]](https://breastcancer.vanilladevelopment.com/en/home/leaving?allowTrusted=1&target=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff176%2FGilliangirl%2FDiamondandme.jpg%5B%2FIMG%5D){kind=link}
Categories
- All Categories
- 679 Advocacy and Fund-Raising
- 289 Advocacy
- 68 I've Donated to Breastcancer.org in honor of....
- Test
- 322 Walks, Runs and Fundraising Events for Breastcancer.org
- 5.6K Community Connections
- 282 Middle Age 40-60(ish) Years Old With Breast Cancer
- 53 Australians and New Zealanders Affected by Breast Cancer
- 208 Black Women or Men With Breast Cancer
- 684 Canadians Affected by Breast Cancer
- 1.5K Caring for Someone with Breast cancer
- 455 Caring for Someone with Stage IV or Mets
- 260 High Risk of Recurrence or Second Breast Cancer
- 22 International, Non-English Speakers With Breast Cancer
- 16 Latinas/Hispanics With Breast Cancer
- 189 LGBTQA+ With Breast Cancer
- 152 May Their Memory Live On
- 85 Member Matchup & Virtual Support Meetups
- 375 Members by Location
- 291 Older Than 60 Years Old With Breast Cancer
- 177 Singles With Breast Cancer
- 869 Young With Breast Cancer
- 50.4K Connecting With Others Who Have a Similar Diagnosis
- 204 Breast Cancer with Another Diagnosis or Comorbidity
- 4K DCIS (Ductal Carcinoma In Situ)
- 79 DCIS plus HER2-positive Microinvasion
- 529 Genetic Testing
- 2.2K HER2+ (Positive) Breast Cancer
- 1.5K IBC (Inflammatory Breast Cancer)
- 3.4K IDC (Invasive Ductal Carcinoma)
- 1.5K ILC (Invasive Lobular Carcinoma)
- 999 Just Diagnosed With a Recurrence or Metastasis
- 652 LCIS (Lobular Carcinoma In Situ)
- 193 Less Common Types of Breast Cancer
- 252 Male Breast Cancer
- 86 Mixed Type Breast Cancer
- 3.1K Not Diagnosed With a Recurrence or Metastases but Concerned
- 189 Palliative Therapy/Hospice Care
- 488 Second or Third Breast Cancer
- 1.2K Stage I Breast Cancer
- 313 Stage II Breast Cancer
- 3.8K Stage III Breast Cancer
- 2.5K Triple-Negative Breast Cancer
- 13.1K Day-to-Day Matters
- 132 All things COVID-19 or coronavirus
- 87 BCO Free-Cycle: Give or Trade Items Related to Breast Cancer
- 5.9K Clinical Trials, Research News, Podcasts, and Study Results
- 86 Coping with Holidays, Special Days and Anniversaries
- 828 Employment, Insurance, and Other Financial Issues
- 101 Family and Family Planning Matters
- Family Issues for Those Who Have Breast Cancer
- 26 Furry friends
- 1.8K Humor and Games
- 1.6K Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts
- 706 Recipe Swap for Healthy Living
- 704 Recommend Your Resources
- 171 Sex & Relationship Matters
- 9 The Political Corner
- 874 Working on Your Fitness
- 4.5K Moving On & Finding Inspiration After Breast Cancer
- 394 Bonded by Breast Cancer
- 3.1K Life After Breast Cancer
- 806 Prayers and Spiritual Support
- 285 Who or What Inspires You?
- 28.7K Not Diagnosed But Concerned
- 1K Benign Breast Conditions
- 2.3K High Risk for Breast Cancer
- 18K Not Diagnosed But Worried
- 7.4K Waiting for Test Results
- 603 Site News and Announcements
- 560 Comments, Suggestions, Feature Requests
- 39 Mod Announcements, Breastcancer.org News, Blog Entries, Podcasts
- 4 Survey, Interview and Participant Requests: Need your Help!
- 61.9K Tests, Treatments & Side Effects
- 586 Alternative Medicine
- 255 Bone Health and Bone Loss
- 11.4K Breast Reconstruction
- 7.9K Chemotherapy - Before, During, and After
- 2.7K Complementary and Holistic Medicine and Treatment
- 775 Diagnosed and Waiting for Test Results
- 7.8K Hormonal Therapy - Before, During, and After
- 50 Immunotherapy - Before, During, and After
- 7.4K Just Diagnosed
- 1.4K Living Without Reconstruction After a Mastectomy
- 5.2K Lymphedema
- 3.6K Managing Side Effects of Breast Cancer and Its Treatment
- 591 Pain
- 3.9K Radiation Therapy - Before, During, and After
- 8.4K Surgery - Before, During, and After
- 109 Welcome to Breastcancer.org
- 98 Acknowledging and honoring our Community
- 11 Info & Resources for New Patients & Members From the Team