I don't have breast cancer, but I'm hysterical

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stormyweather1993
stormyweather1993 Member Posts: 2
edited June 2014 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

My name is Storm, and I'm 19 years old. 

A few months ago I found a lump on my breast, to the side, under my nipple. It was small, smooth and firm and felt like a pea. For months, I ignored it. My mam said it was nothing. My mam has had multiple cysts and lumps that turned out to be nothing, despite my grandmother and great aunt having breast cancer. So naturally, I believed her. I stopped worrying. But when I started college, I decided to get it checked out by the campus nurse and doctor, just in case. They referred me to a breast clinic in St. James's hospital in Dublin, Ireland.  

Immediately, I started freaking out. I'm ony 19, I can't have breast cancer! My mam didn't, so why would I? No one my age gets cancer. Its impossible. I started to realise that it WAS possible when a close friend of mine, who is only 24, was diagnosed with cancer. The closer it got to my appointment in the hospital, the more I cried myself to sleep with worry. 

I finally had my appointment yesterday. I went with my grandmother who has had breast cancer, and my boyfriend. I was checked out by two doctors, who told me not to worry. That it might be a fat deposit or a fibroadenoma. I was then sent for an ultrasound. The technician couldn't figure out what it was and said "That is very abnormal. It shouldn't be there. Let me go get the consultant". Needless to say, I was shaking with fear when they came back in.

I had to wait another hour for my results. I was told that it was a fibroadenoma and that it was benign. I was relieved, and was told to come back in 6 months. I was relieved, naturally. But the second I was alone with my boyfriend, I broke down. I cried the whole journey home and for the whole evening. I spent the rest of the day in bed with my boyfriend, crying and napping, and crying while I napped. Even thinking about it all makes me want to cry again.

I'm fine. I don't have cancer. But the whole ordeal traumatised me. I can't get over it and I don't want to go back for my check up in case they tell me that something is wrong with me. Is this normal, or should I just be happy that I was given the all clear? Is it possible to stop worrying once you've found a lump?

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  • wrsmith2x
    wrsmith2x Member Posts: 410
    edited October 2012

    Storm, 

    Breathe.  You are very young and unfortunately you can get breast cancer, even at your age.  However, you have just been given a reprieve.  You have been told you don't have cancer.  Yes, it scared you and you have every right to be scared.  But, it isn't cancer!  Focus on that for now.  Be vigilant and go for all your appointments.  But, for now, breathe and be happy.

    Namaste'. 

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  • Lou10
    Lou10 Member Posts: 332
    edited October 2012

    I'm sure you will get over it, and probably sooner than you think. But all the fears are fresh in your mind, so it may take awhile for the good news to sink in.

    Having a close friend who was just diagnosed, and relatives who have had cancer, makes it tougher. Perhaps you're not just crying about your own fears?

    As the previous poster says, breathe and be happy. You deserve to be.

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  • Denise-G
    Denise-G Member Posts: 1,777
    edited October 2012

    Of course you are traumatized.  It is okay.  It will get better, but you may have flashbacks.

    It was a horrible experience.  I am so sorry you had to go through this at age 19.  I cannot

    imagine that especially when you have close family with BC.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you.   And on a lighter note, I love Ireland.  I've been able to visit two times and would like to come back!

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  • stormyweather1993
    stormyweather1993 Member Posts: 2
    edited October 2012

    Thank you so much. I'm trying not to worry anymore, but it is so difficult. My grandmother beat cancer after years of fighting it, but her sister died from it. My mother was lucky that all of her lumps turned out to be harmless cysts. Hopefully this means that all I have to worry about are cysts.



    What scares me most is that the doctor suggested I get a biopsy because they were not sure what exactly my lump was, but that it would probably be too traumatic for me and decided against it.



    I feel too young to be going through all this, even if it is good news.

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  • CoolBreeze
    CoolBreeze Member Posts: 4,668
    edited October 2012

    It sounds like you might have an anxiety disorder to me. Does your campus have any mental help?  I would say that throughout your life you are going to have little medical scares and if they traumatize your this much, something is out of whack.  I have Stage IV cancer and I have never 'cried myself to sleep" so I think your coping mechanism is a bit off.

    Good for you for realizing it.  See what help you can get.  Life is full of ups and downs and the like, you need to be able to handle them appropriately. 

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  • itsjustme10
    itsjustme10 Member Posts: 796
    edited October 2012

    Wait a second...your doctor wants you to get something biopsied, and you aren't going to?  Do you parents know you made this decision? Did they approve of it?  If you were my niece, you would have already scheduled the biopsy.  I'm sorry if it sounds mean, but you are 19 years old, why are you substituting your judgement for that of the doctor?  Or letting a little fear of the unknown possibly ruin your life?  Call the doctor back and get it checked.   Chances are, it'll come out benign.  But, why sit with an unknown something in your body when them numbing you and sticking a needle you won't feel in there is all it will take to give you peace of mind?  smh 

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  • Letlet
    Letlet Member Posts: 1,053
    edited October 2012

    I missed the part where she was being recommended a biopsy. From what I am reading she was told from an ultrasound report that it was a fibroadenoma and it was benign and was sent home.

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  • dogsandjogs
    dogsandjogs Member Posts: 1,907
    edited October 2012

    In her original post they told her it wasn't cancer, but to come back in six months.

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  • dogsandjogs
    dogsandjogs Member Posts: 1,907
    edited October 2012

    I am happy for you that it wasn't cancer. But you do need to do what the doctor said and go back to be checked in six months. It is just a precaution. Don't be afraid to do it.

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  • Letlet
    Letlet Member Posts: 1,053
    edited October 2012

    It is natural to be upset and understandable. I only speak for myself but when I was 19 my "tragedy" at that time was a breakup with a boyfriend of 3 years, not sure if I cried myself to sleep but it was right up there. I was not faced at 19 with thoughts of death by breast cancer or had a reason too e.g. lump like you were.

    They told you to f/u in 6 months, please do so and be vigilant in the in between times.

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  • itsjustme10
    itsjustme10 Member Posts: 796
    edited October 2012

    Letlet..in her 2nd post, the one above "CoolBreeze"'s post, and 2 above mine she said ... 

    " What scares me most is that the doctor suggested I get a biopsy because they were not sure what exactly my lump was, but that it would probably be too traumatic for me and decided against it. "

    I can't believe her parents aren't pushing her to get the biopsy the doctor wanted...it's ridiculous to take a chance like this because she's scared - we're all scared, but you do what you have to do...

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  • Letlet
    Letlet Member Posts: 1,053
    edited October 2012

    Ah thanks for pointing that out itsjustme.



    Storm I would think deeply of what you can live with in terms of testing vs fear of the unknown. Also women here have posted their different experiences with their biopsies if you want to do your own research to that.

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  • curveball
    curveball Member Posts: 3,040
    edited October 2012

    @stormyweather, I join with those who say "get the biopsy" as suggested by your doctor. I have had two core needle biopsies, both of which caused some discomfort once the anaesthetic wore off, then they itched a for a few days while healing, and that was it. The only way to get rid of the uncertainty for good is to find out for sure what that lump is, and that means a biopsy.

    I hope it turns out to be nothing. Whatever the result, you have come to the right place for information and support.

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  • christina0001
    christina0001 Member Posts: 1,491
    edited October 2012

    Cancer and even the thought of it IS terrifying. 19 is so young to have to cope with this, but sweetie if the doctor thought a biopsy would be appropriate, I would encourage you to get one. Yes this is scary but if you want, ask them to give you a prescription for medication for your nerves to help you get through it. I'm sure you are fine - really! - but on the slim change that lump is something, it's better to catch it as early as possible.

    Best of luck.

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  • CoolBreeze
    CoolBreeze Member Posts: 4,668
    edited October 2012

    I didn't see that post either, I just read "I was told it was a fibroadenoma and it was benign."   I think she is having a hysterical reaction.  Both that reaction and the biopsy need to be dealt with.  Of course, the thought of breast cancer is upsetting but if you can't live your normal life and are crying yourself to sleep for weeks at the mere thought of it, it's hard to imagine how she would handle it if it happened.

    Since the odds of a 19 year old having it are so very low,  the doctor probably thought the emotional trauma that this hysterical young woman was having wasn't worth the low odds of cancer.

    As I said, I would get some therapy to help you figure out why you are over-reacting to this situation and then go show your doctor you are ready for the biopsy.  It is normal to be upset when you have something going on, and it is normal to be worried.  But it isn't normal to cry every night, to react in such a manner that your doctor doesn't want to do a necessary test.  Having it in your family has scared you, and rightly so.  And, not only that, it means you are going to get tested more than the normal person, and they will monitor you more closely than they would somebody who didn't have cancer in their family.  So, this will happen again and you need to come up for strategies for managing anxiety and fear.

    You have to teach yourself that you are strong enough to handle things like this.  You really are, you know?  You can do it. 

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  • alcb70
    alcb70 Member Posts: 166
    edited October 2012

    Storm- You're right between the ages of my daughters....I can't imagine how scary it was to find the lump and go through that testing!  I have to agree (as a mom and a nurse) that if they suggested you have a biopsy, please-please have it done!  The fear and worry over that lump will turn into an obsession and preoccupation for you....causing you more and more worry.  I would speak to your physician about something for anxiety, and have them explain how the biopsy goes-and ask ALL the questions you need to feel comfortable. My biopsy actually hurt less than my mammogram did!! :)  I was sore a few days after and used ice packs-but it was not a big deal at all.  I really do think that finding out will ease your mind!  Do not let the fear keep you from taking care of yourself!! You are so young, and have many years of happiness at stake! :) In looking at the posts and biographies of the women on this site...don't let that make you more fearful!!!  Let that help you to understand how STRONG women are, how strong YOU are, and that you can get through this no matter what the outcome!  You're chances are magnificent that it's benign...think positive!!  Please let us know how you're doing, and what you decided to do. You have lots of moms, grandmothers and friends here worrying about you! Lots of hugs!!!

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  • SheChirple
    SheChirple Member Posts: 954
    edited October 2012

    I think every one of us WITH cancer would agree that the testing and time between the scare and the diagnosis was the scariest part of this journey.  We think the worst at the first sign, the furst utter of the word cancer.

    Anyone who has been in a near miss auto accident, I mean a really near miss, can tell you you have this rush of adrenaline that flushes away and you are left shaking.  Well, the time between the utterance of the word cancer and the diagnosis of, or ruling out of, cancer is like that near miss.  Even when you get the all clear, you realize just how close you came and it takes a while to shake it off. To deal with it.

    Give it time. 

    But, follow up. 

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