Mom just diagnosed, how do I support her from a long distance?

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Missa
Missa Member Posts: 4
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

My mom was just diagnosed with BC today. She is still in the staging process and we do not know if it has spread to lymph nodes or elsewhere. The doctor has preliminarily suggested lumpectomy with radiation or a masectomy. My brothers and I live many miles away and we are trying to work out a support system for her within the constraints of job commitments, etc. While we will do anything for our mom, we want to make smart decisions. None of us have an good understanding of the treatment options and the impact it will have on our mom. She has a husband who is capable of taking care of her, but we want to be there for her (physically) when we are most needed. One of us plan to be there when she has her surgery, but after that, our plan falls apart. Will she need a lot of support during her radiation treatments? Does anyone have any thoughts, suggestions? I know this could be a long battle and so I want to use our in-person time wisely.

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  • Miki4321
    Miki4321 Member Posts: 2
    edited October 2012

    I am so sorry to hear about your mom Missa.  The initial news and the waiting for the lab

    results were the worst!  However, it gets better as you get more information and a treatment plan.  There have been so many advances in breast cancer treatments that the survival rate for this cancer is so much better than most other cancers. 

    Mymom was diagnosed with stage 1 breast cancer in April and went through 4 rounds

    of chemotherapy prior to her Masectomy in August.   She is a woman who has been through numerous surgeries and nothing was worse for her than the chemotherapy.  I was lucky that she was able to live with my sister during this time.  I was there for her during the surgery and recovery and it was not as bad as I had thought it would be.  She was in better spirits because chemo was over and her pain was minimum.  She only needed a tylenol during the first night at the hospital.    My mom had the option of doing either a lumpectomy with chemo and radiation or just a chemo with a masectomy.  She chose the masectomy because she didn't want to worry about it coming back again in that breast.  Also, she didn't want to deal with radiation. I hope this helps.  I hope for a speedy recovery for your mom!

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  • Lou10
    Lou10 Member Posts: 332
    edited October 2012

    I'm so sorry your family is going through this. 

    How about telling your mom your intentions ... that you and your brother want to coordinate when to visit so you can be there in person when she wants/needs it most. That may be hard to determine before you know what additional type of treatment she is facing and untli she knows what kind of support she may want. It could be that she wants to see you on her better days rather than her worst days. When I was going through chemo, alone, I didn't want my sister or mum to visit until the third week of each chemo cycle, as those were my best weeks. But everyone's different. The most important thing, I think, is that she knows of your intentions and that you want be there on her terms. 

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  • Lou10
    Lou10 Member Posts: 332
    edited October 2012

    Besides in-person visits, phone calls and emails, you could also support her by sending little notes or other things by snail mail. Just a few words, literally. I used to do that with a friend ... sometimes just bits of paper with "love you," "thinking of you" etc. Bought a bunch of envelops and stamps, and printed out address labels on my computer, and had the envelopes ready to go in advance so it was really easy.

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