Suggestions for gifts to newly diagnosed

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peaceplease
peaceplease Member Posts: 3
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

My nephew's wife of almost one year was just diagnosed today.  And, she just found out that she was pregnant with their first baby, a little over a week ago.  A lump was discovered fruing her first ob visit.  Followed by a quick biopsy, confirmed cancer stage 3.

 I believe the plan is termination of the pregnancy, so she can start treatment ASAP.  This is so devastating, as they were anxious to start a family.  To receive great news of pregnancy then to learn shortly after that she has cancer.  

I would like to send something she/they will really appreciate.   Please any suggestions are greatly appreciated.  

My heart is breaking for them.   

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  • Trisha-Anne
    Trisha-Anne Member Posts: 2,112
    edited October 2012

    Peace, I'm not really sure there is any gift you can send that would be appropriate.  If they are nearby then she's going to need a lot of help during treatment, so meals, housecleaning etc is something we all needed help with.

    If you aren't nearby then organising for someone else to do that, either by paying someone to do it, or organising with her friends etc could be a good way to go.  People are always asking what they can do, and a lot of women will respond with either nothing - or I'll let you know, but actually asking someone for help is hard.

    My DH was wonderful and vacuumed the house and did the washing etc etc.  But he's not a cook, and he just doesn't see the same dirt I do - and it was such a blessing to have a couple of friends come in and just completely clean my house while I was going through chemo.

    Being there for them is a great thing to do too - listening without telling someone what they should be doing is lovely.

    I'm really sorry your nephew and his wife have found themselves in this position - it must be heartbreaking for them. 

    Trish

    xoxo 

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  • peaceplease
    peaceplease Member Posts: 3
    edited October 2012

    Thanks for your reply.  I had to chuckle at your husband not seeing the same dirt.  Many years ago, I was very sick for months(not cancer) and unable to do household tasks.  The one thing that I hated most was that my husband did my laundry.  He just threw it all together.  My daughter offered, but she is not very good at it, either.  I was so happy when I was able to do my own laundry again. 

    I see that you were diagnosed two years ago.   Kudos, to you for continuing to support others going through this journey.  

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited October 2012

    The gift that you can give them that might help the most was the one that helped me:  gentle words of encouragement and respect for my decisions and requests.  I asked my friends and family not to call me and let me call them when I was up to it because everytime I told my story or updated my prognosis or tx I would get anxious--like reliving it all over again. I had to prepare myself each time I talked about it. And oftentimes I couldn't.  

    I couldn't eat because of shock and worry, so food wasn't needed (for me).  My husband appreciated some comfort food because I couldn't make it for him...working and going to scans, tests, doctor appts really eats up time. 

    A friend of mine (well-meaning) sent me two pink breast cancer t-shirts right after I was dx, and I couldn't even open the plastic bags they came in. They went right into the Goodwill clothing donation bag.  

    IMHO--

    Claire in AZ 

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  • peaceplease
    peaceplease Member Posts: 3
    edited October 2012

    Thank you claireinaz.  Yes, I can understand about the food.  Actually, I went through cancer treatment with my mother, last year.  However, she is elderly, and my nephew's wife is a young newlywed. 

    I totally understand about the phone calls.  In fact, I just sent some emails to my nephew and my sister.  I realize that they are getting many phone calls. I understand how it must be exhausting. In fact, on her facebook page, I see one post had over 300 comments.  She is well known in the community. 

    I think that I will get them a gift card to a local grocery store.  They sell just about everything and have a pharmacy and gas station.  

    I really appreciate to hear from people who have been through it, personally.  I appreciate the information about the pink attire. 

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