It is "just" Breast Cancer

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patti3796
patti3796 Member Posts: 79
edited June 2014 in Managing Side Effects of Breast Cancer and Its Treatment

I am dealing with my second breast cancer.  Back in 2004 in my right breast and now in my left.   I am finding my support from friends very upsetting.    More than once I have heard "you are lucky...it is only breast cancer".    Hello it is CANCER.    I don't want to compare my cancer to someone else or compare whose treatment is harder.   I just want friends to recognize that I am dealing with my second cancer in eight years and although I am a very strong woman...support would be helpful.

I also have two friends that ask me all these questions, then tell everyone else what is up with me and give the impression that they have been so very helpful....when in fact they call for info but never offer any help...not even asking if I want them to stop over and ask me out for a cup of coffee.

Thanks for letting me vent

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  • Shannie
    Shannie Member Posts: 19
    edited September 2012

    Patti, I'm so sorry to hear what sounds like a lack of support.   You are right, it doesn't matter what kind of cancer, it is still cancer!    I would be happy to have a cup of coffee with you!!  Hang in there!  I joined the forum recently and the support and other replies I've read and received, these ladies are great!

    Shannon

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  • pupmom
    pupmom Member Posts: 5,068
    edited September 2012

    Patti, sorry you are going through not only a new bc but negative attitudes. I have had gotten the message that it's "just" breast cancer. I think it is because bc is so common now. Everybody seems to know somebody who has/had it. But since most people survive the diagnosis, we also have to hear that their friend or loved one is totally cured. Of course none of us are ever officially cured, until and unless we die of something else or a true cure is found.

    Hang in there! People who haven't walked in our shoes are just clueless. 

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  • Kayce234
    Kayce234 Member Posts: 249
    edited September 2012

    Why do people all of a sudden think it's "JUST" breast cancer.  JUST breast cancer kills people and devastates their lives just as much as any other cancer does.  It makes me crazy!  I dealt with family members who were totally unsupportive and acted as your "friends" are - I can only tell you what others here told me - Forget about them, move on with your life and focus on you and your needs.  Focus on the people who are there for you and focus on your healing.  My therapist told me the same thing and I did it and have felt so free and healthy mentally.  I'm not saying it's easy but it works.

    Vent anytime - {{{hugs}}}

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  • Shannie
    Shannie Member Posts: 19
    edited September 2012

    Thank you Kay. 

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  • SillyMama
    SillyMama Member Posts: 173
    edited September 2012

    Patti,

    Vent all you want. Getting cancer the first time is bad enough; getting it again stinks the whole way. OMGosh, I am so sorry you're going through that. People just don't know what to say/do... and it's worse the less they understand. I used to be one of those people saying the stupid things!

    If you would like another chance to roll your eyes, you might enjoy the forum, called "OMG They Found the Cure for Stupid."  http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/102/topic/765586 or the forum "The dumbest things people have said to you/about you" http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/102/topic/744439

    Hang in there.

    ((hugs))

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  • Lou10
    Lou10 Member Posts: 332
    edited September 2012

    "Just" breast cancer is the second leading cause of cancer deaths among women (second to lung cancer). "Just" breast cancer treatments can be among the most brutal and long-lasting. "Just" breast cancer is not pretty ... unlike what the pinkification might suggest.

    I'm so sorry you're facing it again. 

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  • fredntan
    fredntan Member Posts: 1,821
    edited September 2012

    I have found my "friends" reaction or lack of reaction almost as painful as the cancer.

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited September 2012

    Patti, we're glad you found Breastcancer.org and the awesome women here who absolutely understand. Venting is always okay!

    There's an article on the main Breastcancer.org site about Talking to Friends and Relatives that has some practical suggestions that might help, as well as the advice you've received here.

    • The Mods

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  • patti3796
    patti3796 Member Posts: 79
    edited September 2012

    Thanks for the replies....I was beginning to think it was me.

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  • Keepn-my-Faith
    Keepn-my-Faith Member Posts: 13
    edited September 2012

    Oh wow!!! First and foremost, cancer sucks no matter what kind it is or how minor or severe! I'm very sorry you have to deal with this a second time, not to mention "friends" that aren't supportive!!! I was diagnosed Feb 16, 2012 and have had 2 lumpectomies and they removed a lymph node. I also finished 6 1/2 wks of radiation therapy and am now on tamoxifen for 5 yrs. I can't imagine not having support throughout this very trying time in my life! I just don't understand how people can say such a thing. They don't know what you've been through personally. My heart really goes out to you and it sounds like you need a new support group! Where do I sign up??? This forum is wonderful and filled with so many brave women fighting their own battle. We can all relate to one another and don't worry, we got you!!! My prayers, love and support go out to you...xoxo

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  • christina0001
    christina0001 Member Posts: 1,491
    edited September 2012

    People are idiots. I have a good friend who, after I was dx'ed, posted on her facebook page about being worried about a friend (without mentioning names, but it was me) who was diagnosed with breast cancer. And she had a male friend (who we both went to high school with) who responded that basically it was no big deal, breast cancer is easily managed, etc. If I could have reached through the computer and slapped him, I would have.

    There is no GOOD cancer to have. It's cancer! If it's no big deal, would you like to take mine for me!?!

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  • Chevyboy
    Chevyboy Member Posts: 10,786
    edited September 2012

    Patti!  That's rough, two bouts of Breast Cancer!  You should just wrap your arms around yourself, and give you a big hug!   I'll come get your for coffee or lunch anytime! 

    Friends and family can be just heartless and stupid!  That's why we are here... We come to BC.ORG for support, and to just let it all out!  I've learned so much in the last almost 3 years that I found this site.  

    You need a new friend-base..... Man, I don't blame you for wanting to slap that old "friend" of yours!  But let it go.....Sometimes "friends" just don't have a clue... they mean well, but don't know how to "take care of you"......... Sometimes they think they are helping by making light of it... So don't let it get you down....

    There is a thread on here somewhere, about "People say the dumbest things"..... But it just makes you mad to read how insensitive some people are! Wink

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  • NSJ2
    NSJ2 Member Posts: 227
    edited October 2012

    Hugs for you Patti. I'm so sory you're going through this again. Dammit!

    Unfortunately, I think most folks are ignorant about what dealing with BC really means. And although I pray "awareness" is a way to the cure and/or prevention, I think "Pinkifying" has perhaps somewhere somehow lost it's true meaning and drive.

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