Why you should never take your husband shopping.

Why you should never take your husband shopping with you.
>
> Letter:
>
> Mrs. Fenton, our store is considering banning your family from
>ever shopping with us unless your husband
> stops his antics. Below is a list of offenses over the past few
>months all verified by our surveillance cameras.
>
> MEMO
> Re: Mr. Bill Fenton - Complaints - 15 Things Mr. Bill Fenton
>has done while his spouse/partner is shopping:
>
> 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in
>people's carts when they weren't looking.
>
> 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at
>5-minute intervals.
>
> 3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to
>the rest rooms.
>
> 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
>tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened.
>
> 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of
>M&M's on lay away.
>
> 6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a
>carpeted area.
>
> 7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and
>told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows
>from
>the bedding department.
>
> 8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he
>begins to cry and asks Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
>
> 9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as
>a mirror, and picked his nose.
>
> 10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department,
>asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
>
> 11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly
>humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
>
> 12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna
>look" using different size funnels.
>
> 13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse
>through, yelled PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
>
> 14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud
>speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's
>those
>voices again!!!!"
>
> (And; last, but not least!)
>
> 15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and
>waited a while; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet
>paper in
>here!"