My mom has an amazing attitude and I want one too

I stumbled upon the breastcancer.org 3 months ago when my 78 year old mom was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. I have read many of the forums and find comfort in them. I have an extremely close family and she is definitely our matriarch who is loved, respected and adored.  I am still so shocked that this has happened to her - she never missed her yearly mammogram.  When she noticed changes in her breast it had already spread to her bones, liver, lungs and brain.

She has the most positive outlook and greets each day with a smile and tries to make it a great one.  She told me that she has yet to cry once and have a pity party for herself.  I said, "Mom, that's not true - the day you called and told me that you just found out you had breast cancer and that you must go to the ER immediately because the cancer was so bad in your hip - we cried together most of the day while we were in the hospital."  She looked me in the eye and said, "Sweetie, I wasn't crying for me, I was crying for you and that I was putting you through all of this."  This is just one example of how amazing my mom is and I'm not ready to lose her yet.  Next week she is scheduled to have a partial hip replacement to strengthen the bone because the doctors are afraid it is going to shatter.

She has completed 3 rounds of chemo and radiation to the brain and hip, but must temporally stop now to have the hip surgery.  If all goes well, she will resume the chemo in three weeks.

Each day that we spend together, we laugh, play games and just hang out.  We don't talk about sad things or "what ifs".  It's just when I'm at my home and when I can't fall asleep, I think of all the "what ifs" and it breaks my heart.  As I write this, tears are streaming down my face, knowing that it is good for me to let them go.  But tomorrow, when I see her again and take the daily protein smoothie that I make her, I will smile, laugh and enjoy the time I have with her.  She is my best friend.