Sept 2012 chemo

So happy to see all of your uplifting posts. Can't believe how many people are exercising and walking daily - I'm so tired!



I got the "chemo acne" starting pretty bad last night and continuing into today. I was prepared to lose my hair (hasn't happened yet post 8days after my first infusion, but I have that "I've had a ponytail in my hair too long" pain), but for some reason this has devastated me. My skin looks horrible.



My next infusion is Tuesday. I feel like I'm living from treatment to treatment just waiting for the next shoe to drop. Next up is my hair, I suppose. Then after that, just treatments continuing into infinity, it feels like.



I feel like I have a really good attitude about everything, but reading what I'm writing, I don't think I do. Maybe it's just a face to my family and friends that I'm strong. But to you guys who are going through this at the same time, I feel like I can share. Thanks for listening.

Hi,

This is my first post. I started chemo on Friday the 7th of September. I have a large tumor +6cm so I'm getting chemo first for 8 weeks with hopes of it shrinking before surgery. Adriamycin & Cytoxan for 4 weeks then Taxol for 4 weeks. I am gettting the Neulasta shots. 

A port that was installed into my body 2 days before the chemo started. It still bothers me. I can't wear my purse like I used to and the seat belt bothers me. 

Chemo went fine. I chewed on ice chips and dealt with it. I was thrilled to get started with it because I could feel and see my tumor growing bigger. It was unnerving. I welcomed the poison.

The day after the chemo my face and upper chest were bright red and swollen, apparently a side effect from the steroids; the Dexamethasone. My insides feel squishy, like I am falling apart inside. The smell of the chemo is leaching off of me as I type this. I keep getting abdominal cramping on and off. Those first days after chemo had me a basket case. I've had suicidal thoughts and have been extremely emotional. I thought I was emotional before but I feel worse. I'm not sleeping, maybe 2 hours or 3 at the most. I have Ativan for sleeping/anxiety but it seems to just work for short time and I am up again. Plus the hot flashes. The deathly thoughts keep coming. I have a young child and whenever I think of her and what will happen if I die, I cry. That's been happening since I was diagnosed. 

I'm trying to exercise everyday. I have shin splints from walking too much and I took a day off today. Smells of everything are bothering me. I eat but then I feel horrible after. I don't want anything then I eat anyway and I have too much. My chest hurts some when I walk and I find myself out of breath easily. I don't know what to eat.

I haven't done anything with my hair or my nails yet. I'm going to wait til the hair starts falling out and then cut it. I have long hair that I love. I love my boobs too. It really sucks losing these. I take pictures of myself, something I never did. I have a wig I got for free from a resource center and some hats. I am so dreading those.

I am drinking a lot, I think it helps but all this peeing is gawd so much peeing. My whole body feels scorched. My skin on the pads of my one hand are peeling. I've been using bag balm at night but it's still happening. I don't know how I am going to get through this but somehow I have to. My living arrangements are not ideal. It's a real struggle for me. I've had to relocate because of problems with our home. I'm doing the best I can and I feel so weak and awful. 

I want to start a blog to keep people updated but I fear my thoughts will be too horrid for anyone to want to hear. 

My child was sent home from school today and is running a low grade fever. I am scared of catching something from her. This so sucks to be afraid to take care of her but I am. 

The one bit of good news I have and I can't be sure yet but I think the tumor may be shrinking or maybe it's my imagination shrinking.  

Well I am 10 days out now from my first infusion, I have felt very well except last night my head was so itchy and my scalp feels a bit bumpy...I ended up taking Benadryl last night and it helped a lot. I am taking this one day at a time, the next big thing will be the hair. I was thinking today that a month ago my hair was at my waist and now it is short in the back and about 2 inches on top, I can see strands coming out....I don't dwell on it though I am just ready to have it fall out so I can start growing it again when chemo is done in November. I feel lucky that I only have 4 AC treatments and then off to radiation.



I am still riding my bike 16 km a day. Mind you I don't have any small kids to look after, mine are grown, just DH and myself, the dog and cat.



You moms with kids to look after during treatment are amazing! You young ladies are so lucky you found your cancers, since I am sure you didn't have routine mammograms.



I am thinking of you all, we are doing it and getting it done!! We are strong!!

Tara, I am praying for you honey. Please speak with your physician and tell them about the thoughts you are having they can probably prescribe something for you at this time . Please remember this such a short time in our lives . Positive thoughts and think of your child . You will have long life and you will be ok. I remember when I did not think I could get rid of my breast and I did . I then tole myself I have been healed of this and I will go on with my life and take care of my children . We all are hear for you .

Tara88......im sorry we are all going throught this and not one is better then the other we all are united....its been a month i been diagnost and im sure all of us have thought about dying...we are fighters and we need to fight and to fight this you need to think positive and im glad you join in cause it has help me sooooooooooooo much where i can say whatever and all of us understand ....please dont stop fighting we aregoing to win this one .....i will start chemo  next friday and im ok cause i will be killing it....if you need me ill be her for you!!!

Tara you are way bigger than this cancer ever even thought of being! Take back control... you have to focus on the good, even if its the smallest thing. I took control by eating right, and being positive. Please try melatonin for sleep it is a natural supplement I use daily and it also has cancer fighting effects. My MO says its a great thing to use.



Don't focus on the whole take it one moment or day at a time! This is gonna work out have faith. Use a little time each day to meditate or something that makes you feel good like reading a book, painting your nails, or laughing with a girl friend. Remember to keep laughing cause its a great healer...

And remember if god leads you to it he will get you through it..

Everyone here is amazing and we will help you get through this..

Take care and hugs!

Haven't been here for a while an I see a lot of ladies have joined since my last visit. It sucks that we all share this but sharing it makes it a bit easier to deal with I think.

I'm having my 2nd TC tomorrow and I'm wired on the steroids and nervous. Hoping it won't be worse than last time. Not that I ever sleep properly these days anyway. Had my bloodwork done today and hopefully I should b good to go tomorrow. Unfortunatel my kids both have this huge cold and I started sneezing this evening. Have to see what the onc says about that.



Bearcub, my hair started fallin out exactly 13 days after first treatment. I had it buzzed off and now he 1/2" fuzz is coming out and sticking to everything so I keep a headscarf on. I also have a lovely wig that looks very much like my hair, just better. It's itchy though and losing the hair was sad for me. Suddenly there was a cancer patient in the mirror. Oh well, one day at a time.

Hang in there movinon I was like you thought chemo wasn't going to happen then boom guess what yes you are having chemo, oh well I just figure I am doing everything I can to kick cancers ass.



Tara sorry you have joined the club but we are here for you. Everything's going to be okay, as you move forward things will not seem so overwhelming. A big bump in the road but we can do this!



Neta I read somewhere that someone used a lint roller on the head and that helped...lol, I am day 11 now so I imagine I will be buzzing this weekend, DH is at work so I may do it when I am alone so I can have a good cry and get myself together for when he gets back home. It is sad to go from long hair to none in a month, I love long hair and have a bit of hair envy when I see nice hair. I felt a shiver when you said suddenly there is a cancer patient in the mirror....I know that's what I will see. I don't know how I will be able to handle going to town and having people see me like that...I am not comfortable with a wig.



Everyone who had treatments last week I am hoping you have minimal SE , and good luck to all those who are starting or moving on to the next treatment.

Happy Weekend Everyone!

Hi Everyone,

Thank you for the support, it means a lot to me.

I took a sleeping pill last night and got about 6 hours of sleep. It's the most I've had since I started. I think that helped. I'm not sure which doctor to contact about the morbid depressing thoughts. My oncologist? Maybe they will go away? I'll work on brain retraining today when I go for my walk. My child is home from school today sick so I can't take her or leave her. 

I saw someone mention Melatonin and I have some but wasn't sure if I could try that with out contacting my doctor. I didn't put it on the list of things I take. 

Drug company giving us the run around with getting my bone shot sent home so I don't have to travel an hour and a half each wait to get it after the next chemo and can self administer.

My scalp is tingling, fingers feeling weird too. The hair is going to fall out I know it. Should I ice or just let it happen?

Mariposa123  Only in California would they have cancer centers that are like spas. At the one I go to they have live music in lobby and crafts for people waiting for patients. It seems ok. 

Well Taxol Week 1 on The books as of yesterday....no problems with infusion thankfully.  I have a metallic taste in my mouth which started at end of the infusion and only very slight nasuea.  Drinking enough water to fill a swimming pool and headed out to walk.

Foreverchanged - how are you doing?  Reading your progression is so helpful.

To All Members of Club No One Wants - good luck and hope all side effects are minimal.Does anyone take Emergen -C?

Tara88, I love that you just let it all out - all the awful feelings & descriptions. AC can be really hard on some of us & it sounds like you might be on dose dense which doesn't give you quite as much time to recoup between sessions. ugh... I am so sorry you have to go through this. I am so sorry any of us do. Like others have said, don't hesitate to call your oncologist about anything. My MO has offered to help me with any side effect - I really feel he wants me to be able to complete treatment and kick cancer's ass and he knows his support is part of that. I'm so glad you got some sleep. I found that I had less gut pain on the AC (which I did over the summer) when I fasted on chemo day and then just ate small amounts of frozen yogurt the following day, maybe a little bland food. I tried a longer fast my 2nd session but that was too much and just stuck with fasting the day of.  It's certainly not for everyone and I let my MO know that I was doing it. If you tolerate the AC fairly well, your MO can also reduce the steroids if he/she feels that would be ok. Mine has - even with the taxol I started 2.5 weeks ago - and that help me feel better too. steroids have never set well with me. You should be 7 days out from the first dose? I found myself bouncing back the second week - not 100% of course but definitely not as horrid as those first 5 days after AC. Your oncologist should be able to prescribe an anti-depressant (mine did when I was sobbing in his office) but you may also want to ask about counseling, therapy, whatever other support may be available to you.

I popped in here to ask about hot flashes. Does anyone's temperature elevate with hot flashes? I was told it shouldn't but I think mine is, or I'm having fever spikes from the Taxol I started 2 wks ago. only 99.5-ish but my normal temp is lowish, usually 97.8 to 98.2... I mostly don't want to overdo it. Like, I go for my daily walk but then I start getting hot and figure I should go back home. This (hot flashes) is one area my MO was kind of vague on...   hmmm, just asking this here makes me think I should call my ob/gyn. That's what these guys are paid for!

Greetings sisters from the BGC! Happy friday to all and min SEs,



check in later tonight,

Hi All,

I had my first of 6 TCH treatments yesterday and Neulasta this morning.  So far I feel fine.  Wondering when the shoe will fall with all the siede effects I have read about.  

I am older than most it seems on the blog (71 years young)... any insight or advise for someone my age?

Tara hang in there we are her for you!!!! i shaved my hair to an 1inch and i dyed it cause is start chemo probably wednesday and we have choice we got to take the bulls by its horn!!!

I havent gonna through todays post cause my mom wont stop talking lol...but i just wanna wish everyone a good day and your going to chemoland....please make sure drink lots of water!!!!!!i wish i could post my pic!!!!!