In shock

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  • edithesther
    edithesther Member Posts: 183
    edited September 2012

    By the way Benny, the teddy is a great idea. Everynight since BC I fall asleep clutching a tatty, almost bald, grey teddy bear given to me by my uncle 64 years ago. Mr Ted is coming with me to hospital and I don't care what anyone else thinks.He has given me comfort through so many awful times and this is the worst.

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  • bearcub
    bearcub Member Posts: 485
    edited September 2012

    You ladies are all fantastic, reduced me to tears reading these posts, lol must be being off the steroids, getting all emotional and all.



    I think someday we should get together for a pj party in the barn, with our stuffies and our tears, and our laughter....and of course the horses.



    I do believe the aches and pains and vertigo are just middle age...lol I am 55!...going on 20.



    Take care all!

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  • Infobabe
    Infobabe Member Posts: 1,083
    edited September 2012

    You can develop dizziness that is neither vertigo nor cancer.  It is cause by little bits of calcium coming loose in the inner ear.  It is a benign condition and can resolve itself.  I had it for about a year.  Not a big deal.

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  • Dakota212
    Dakota212 Member Posts: 1,153
    edited September 2012

    I hate selfish people.

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  • bennymuffins
    bennymuffins Member Posts: 412
    edited September 2012

    Dakota, selfish people??? I don't understand your post, sorry. Is someone here selfish? Me? Please explain.

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  • bennymuffins
    bennymuffins Member Posts: 412
    edited September 2012
    Edithesther, I have a 54 year old teddy bear!! You can't really tell he's a teddy bear anymore as all the fur is off, no eyes, no ears, very little stuffing, grey, no face really haha! I thought of taking him to the hospital but if anything ever happened to him I'd be devastated. That's why I bought the new one. I wish i could post a picture of him.... I'll bet he looks like yours! Laughing
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  • bennymuffins
    bennymuffins Member Posts: 412
    edited September 2012
    Bearcub, wouldn't that be fun? A barn PJ party! Is Prince George anywhere near Burns Lake? I am going to visit friends in Burns Lake next year (if I live that long Undecided )
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  • bennymuffins
    bennymuffins Member Posts: 412
    edited September 2012

    Lesleyanne, I didn't call about the results of the bone scan as I am afraid to hear the news. I figured no news is good news so if they haven't called....? The CAT scan results will be available on Thursday or Friday. Every time the phone rings I want to vomit. I have caller ID on the phone and if it's a hospital number I don't want to answer it. I do have an appointment with the counsellor today at 1300 to do 'guided imagery' to help me through the surgery.

    Liefie, I do agree I need an anti-depressant. When horses don't motivate me, something's really wrong. especially because I have a very limited amount of time with them right now. Once surgery is done I'll be out of commission for who knows how long. And it's all bad timing as I am getting my horse early next week (post surgery). I won't even be able to spend time with her.

    LaDonna and Camillegal, thank you for the hugs! ♥

    I've got sharp bee-sting-like pain in my right breast this morning, plus burning sensations in both armpits and my groin, which I assume is the cancer going through my lymph nodes. I dread the surgery but I want it at the same time, to get rid of this cancer. Cry

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  • Dakota212
    Dakota212 Member Posts: 1,153
    edited September 2012

    OMG NO!!!! In my family. I was just venting and didn't have time to elaborate. I asked a family member to watch my kids for two dr's appointment ms and a spiritual event and I got the third degree about how long I would be and where it was and how come. I said really, I want three hours, that is why i HATE, asking other people for things. It just gets me frustrated. I am so sorry if I offended anyone.

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  • Dakota212
    Dakota212 Member Posts: 1,153
    edited September 2012

    I guess I need a teddy bear I can count on!!!

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  • bennymuffins
    bennymuffins Member Posts: 412
    edited September 2012

    ????!!!! Wow! That is awful, Dakota!!! Is this person typically helpful but just not this time? Or is this person routinely like this? Can you rely on someone else for those appointments? So sorry that you got such an unsupportive response. Maybe that person needs to be crossed off your 'supportive friends/family list'. I actually did make up a list of friends I can call, day or night, who have committed to helping me through this. Have you got such a list? If/when I get through this I am going to have a tea party of sorts to thank everyone.

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  • bearcub
    bearcub Member Posts: 485
    edited September 2012

    Benny yes you would go through PG to get to Burns Lake, we'll do lunch!

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  • Chris13
    Chris13 Member Posts: 254
    edited September 2012

    Benny, hang in there--we are with you on this journey. Never feel alone!

    Not sure why the sharp pains, but I believe others on this site can assure you that you rarely or never feel pain from cancer cells moving. They are microcosmic in size.

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  • bennymuffins
    bennymuffins Member Posts: 412
    edited September 2012

    Bearcub, yes I just looked it up on the map and it's right on the way!! Fantastic!!! I'm not sure on dates yet but as soon as i know I'll let you know. Wouldn't that be fun!?

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  • bennymuffins
    bennymuffins Member Posts: 412
    edited September 2012

    Chris, thank you for the reassuring post ♥

    Maybe it's just my immune system trying to fight back.

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  • Lesleyanne67
    Lesleyanne67 Member Posts: 225
    edited September 2012

    Maybe the counselor can be there when you call for results? Or some other trusted friend? Don't put it off though. I know it is scary but you may be stressing yourself more than you need and that creates physiological problems. I just want you to get to a place where you know what you are dealing with and have an attack plan. As scary as it is, trust us once you know, as scary as the prospect is, it does get easier. The unknown and waiting is the WORST.



    Keep me posted. Big hugs!



    Lesley

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  • bennymuffins
    bennymuffins Member Posts: 412
    edited September 2012

    Lesley, I just got a call from the surgery booking nurse...... BOTH SCANS ALL CLEAR, NO CANCER SPREAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Turns out the dizziness, aches and pains, headaches, etc were just old age after all. I feel so much better. LOL

    Thank you to EVERYONE in this thread for the wonderful replies, support and loves and hugs you gave me through this quite horrific ordeal. I love you all. ♥

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  • bearcub
    bearcub Member Posts: 485
    edited September 2012

    Benny that is wonderful news, what a load off your shoulders!.....we will definitely get together for lunch. I have a few plans for next summer but hopefully our dates will all work!



    Enjoy your horse today!...sometimes aging feels wonderful when that's all it is!!!

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  • NSJ2
    NSJ2 Member Posts: 227
    edited September 2012

    I am so happy for you, Benny!!!!!  I've been keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. That is just GREAT news.

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  • NSJ2
    NSJ2 Member Posts: 227
    edited September 2012

    Hey there again Benny.

    Any chance you know your grade and stage yet? Can you share with us, if thats okay to ask? Don't mean to pry, just care about you.

    NSJ2

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  • Infobabe
    Infobabe Member Posts: 1,083
    edited September 2012

     bennymuffins

    Yes, Muffins, were any of those nodes clear? Did they actually take them all?  What stage and grade. etc?  You may have already said but we need an update.  You might post them in the "my profile" page at the top right.

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  • bennymuffins
    bennymuffins Member Posts: 412
    edited September 2012

    I don't know the grade and stage yet. Surgery (~gulp~) is on Monday so will know after that. The receptionist told me the grade was 3 tho'. Frown

    Infobabe, I don't know about the other lymph nodes yet. Would the CAT scan pick up spread to underlying lymph nodes? How much does a CAT scan pick up? As far as i know there's only one node that's cancerous but I really don't know for sure.

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  • Beesie
    Beesie Member Posts: 12,240
    edited September 2012

    Benny, great news on the scans!

    The best way to know if there are other lymph nodes involved is from the analysis of the nodes under a microscope.  A scan might show something, but it wouldn't be specific - it could show swelling or infection that came about as a result of the biopsy.  

    Good luck with your surgery on Monday.  Let's hope that the news from the pathology report is just as good as the news from your scans.  

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  • Lesleyanne67
    Lesleyanne67 Member Posts: 225
    edited September 2012

    Such great news!!!! I just had a feeling about you!!! CONGRATS on answering the phone I know that feeling of sheer terror. So happy for you. Will be thinking about you gearing up for Mon.



    What is the plan? Mastectomy or lumpectomy? Don't forget your EMLA for the IV : )



    Post as soon as you can after surgery or ask someone to post for you so we know how you are doing.



    I hope you can enjoy the rest of this week knowing you do not have spread!!!! Treat yourself well gearing up for surgery.



    Let me know if you have any questions or I can help with anything!



    So thrilled for you!!!! And your menagerie, horses, kitty, they are not going to lose their "momma" any time soon!



    This good news MADE my day!



    Lesley

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  • NSJ2
    NSJ2 Member Posts: 227
    edited September 2012

    Hi Lesleyanne

    If it's okay to ask, what is an "EMLA for IV"?

    NSJ2

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  • bennymuffins
    bennymuffins Member Posts: 412
    edited September 2012

    NSJ, EMLA cream is a super-duper local anesthetic that I use for any needles or bloodtests because I am a scaredy-cat about needles. You can buy it from your pharmacist. It is a bit expensive ($4.00 per patch here in Calgary) but so worth it if you have any needle phobias. It does take an hour to work so the patch needs to be on an hour prior to needle going in.

    Lesley, your post made me cry! Thank you for the cheerleading! I am still grade 3 but it's still better news than I was expecting, for sure. The surgeon says I can do a lumpectomy with removal of some nodes, but he warmed I might need a second surgery if the oncologist says he didn't get clear margins. Ooooh, so do NOT want a second surgery. Yell But.... one thing at a time.

    Thanks for the info, Beesie. I didn't get any specific info on the scans, just that they were all clear and I was still scheduled for surgery on Monday. I hope the anesthesiologist isn't a party animal. I hope he doesn't go on a drinking binge on the weekend. My surgery is scheduled for 1100 (insert serious teeth-chattering here) Monday morning and the needle localization is at 0715!!! I hope the radiologist doing the needle loc isn't a party animal either!

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  • liefie
    liefie Member Posts: 2,440
    edited September 2012

    Aww, Benny! If my ears weren't there, the smile would have gone right around my head! Oh, I am so sincerely happy for your good news! I can tell that your mood has lifted by your good sense of humour that is coming through in your latest post - party animals, teeth-chattering and all that - funny! Rest assured, Benny, those drs are very steady people who really take things seriously. You better be steady if you wanna cut open people! They will not advance to that level or last long in their jobs if they are not. Now we are hoping for clear nodes! Yes!!!

    Go give your horse and Ben lots of hugs, and just enjoy the day, Benny!

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  • bearcub
    bearcub Member Posts: 485
    edited September 2012

    Benny are they doing a sentinel node biopsy or removing several lymph nodes for biopsy. I did a SN, was also a gd. 3. My nodes and lymph and veins were clear, as were margins after surgery, don't get too concerned about gd. 3 meaning it has spread everywhere.





    Having A Bad Day?



    Place Your Hand Over Your Heart,



    FEEL THAT!



    That's Called Purpose!



    Your Alive For A Reason,



    Don't Ever Give. Up!!!







    Have a great day girls!

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  • Chris13
    Chris13 Member Posts: 254
    edited September 2012
    Bearcub, that's kind of a cool sentiment. Smile
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  • KSteve
    KSteve Member Posts: 486
    edited September 2012

    Benny - I am sooooo happy for you!!  That is the best news you could have hoped for.  Now you can focus on the fight ahead of you.  It's doable!  Yay for you today! 

    Kathy

    p.s. I'm in my office at work with a big smile on my face all by myself!  So relieved for you!

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