Looking for some hope!

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tanya01
tanya01 Member Posts: 74
edited June 2014 in Triple-Negative Breast Cancer

Its been a bit of a rough few weeks for me. I will be 31 in Jan. I am coming up on my year mark of being done with chemo this Oct. I am freaking out. I am having some chest pain.. I don't even know how to describe it. I am very worried that my cancer is back in my chest wall or lungs,. I can't stop thinking about it.  I had a full bone scan in Jan and had a MRI in May all came back clean. But from what I am told triple neg has a super high reoccurrence rate. I was reading some of the post in the group and I cant stop crying. I see so many of you that have had a reoccurrence or now have METS. I just don't know what to do. I feel like being so young that my life is no over. I am also BRACA1+.  I just want to give up... I just feel like I am not going to win this fight and with the kind of cancer I have I feel like whats the point its just going to come back anyway.. when does this all stop...................................................

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  • nonijones333
    nonijones333 Member Posts: 120
    edited September 2012

    oh Tanya, stop and take a deep breath, wish I could give you a big hug. First you are stage 11a and no nodes were involved, that is awesome and might I remind you is key to a breast cancer diagnosis.  Yes you are going to see those that re-occur but most DO NOT and coming to these boards if you look close enough you will find those who are in trouble. Do you know that these posts come from around the world and those like myself who are far out do not come back to report they are just fine cause they are just out there living life. My daughter was 34, had breast cancer in both breasts, ya scary but that was almost 9 years ago. Have to tell you she never came to these boards. Me I'm the 26 year survivor, go read my post. You need to call your doctor and ask for something to control your anxiety and maybe for awhile look into taking some anti-depresants.  They work and you need to take control of this and not let it control you. Sweetheart, you are having a panic attack, and believe me nerves can give you all kinds of symtoms. I'll bet your doctor told you you have a great prognosis and you didn't even listen because that's all you heard was CANCER, well maybe you need to hear him say that. I came back because of people like you who need to hear that TRIPLE NEGATIVE IS NOT A DEATH SENTENCE. Oh and my daughter is Brac 1, just had her ovary's out last week. She waited till she was over 40 and is sure she did not want anymore children, she is now 42.  

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  • Luah
    Luah Member Posts: 1,541
    edited September 2012

    Yes, anxiety can bring on all kinds of symptoms. Been there, done that. My onc and I have a rule of thumb that any new, unexplained symptom that persists more than 2 weeks should be checked out (by her or my GP). She also says to call if I'm unsure of anything. That alone gives me great peace of mind. I hope you have an onc who is accessible and sympathetic to concerns... as a young woman BRCA+, those concerns are totally understandable, but with the right care and oversight they need not be paralyzing. 

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  • marywh
    marywh Member Posts: 2,280
    edited September 2012

    Tanya, You are right when you say you sometimes feel like giving up, we all do. You cant let the fear rule you. There are alot of women out there who have success with triple neg. also. Stressing out about the what ifs is certainly not helping you or your health. Wish we could all be there to give you a hug. I have been dealing with this for almost five years and I am not much worse off than the day I found out. mentally and physically I have good days and bad but I still lead an active life even at 54. Try to go forward with your life and live one day at a time YOU CAN DO THIS.

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  • tanya01
    tanya01 Member Posts: 74
    edited September 2012
    Thank you everyone for the amazing support and great advise. My heart is hurting and I just don't now how to deal with all of this. I try everyday to find the good but then my brain brings be right back to the bad. Part of me thinks I am in denial that I even went through all of this and the other half thinks I am being weak minded and I just need to get over all of this and on with my life...

    I beg every night for answers to my question.. but they never come.. I feel like such a burden on everyone around me. Its so hard to talk to my friends and family about all of this.. because I feel like they don't want to hear about it anymore. It's a hard place to be in when you think you can talk to your friends and family and then feel shut out. The one people that did let me talk and vent was my ex.. and now he is gone too. I miss him so much every day. I would much rather do chemo then feel the heartache and loneness I feel everyday.

    I have talk to my doc about support groups and he doesn't want me to go to group sessions. He said I am not mentally ready for those kinds of groups. He doesn't think I am stable enough to hear about other people recurrences and mets, when that is one of my biggest issues right now.. I just need to find some hope again and I don't know how to do that. I need to know that I can beat this.. I keep telling myself I can.. but what if I am wrong.. I work my ass of to be healthy for what.. to just have to do this all over again.. I am not even sure I think its worth it anymore.. I cant live my life like this.. It never stops. It never shuts off. The thoughts just keep coming.

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  • BikerLee
    BikerLee Member Posts: 355
    edited September 2012

    would you consider doing something like emotional freedom technique?  there's a center here in the twin cities called pathways.  you can sign up for sessions with a variety of providers...  including one woman who does the emotional freedom technique.  

    i did this.

    it was amazing.

    i was super skeptical... and it was amazing.

    i think i'm going to do it again.

    i know it'd be a bit of a haul for you, but you might get some needed relief....

    here's the link:

    http://www.pathwaysminneapolis.org/

    hugs hugs hugs.

    i'm so sorry that you have this anxiety - this overwhelming anxiety. 

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  • marywh
    marywh Member Posts: 2,280
    edited September 2012

    Tanya, It sounds to me like you might need to get into some counseling. You sound like you really dont have alot of support,maybe because they just dont know what else to say that can make you feel better. Of course its worth it to fight. You cant keep going on with the what ifs, but only you can take the first steps on your way back to a normal life ., and it can be normal if you choose to let it. You have to try and let some of the fear go, and live one day at a time.

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