30 and triple neg..

Tanya: I am so very sorry you are feeling this way. Let me say, first, it is not unusual to have feelings of despair following treatment, especially with triple negative, as we have no pill to take every day that wards off recurrence. We feel vulnerable, and rightly so. I can tell you that months 6-24 after diagnosis were the toughest on me, psychologically.  

Second, while there's a lot of scary stuff about TN (much of it out of date), there's a lot of positives too. For example, the farther out we are from treatment, the less chance we have of a recurrence; those odds drop off quite significantly after 3 years. A recent study showed 5-year locoregional recurrence-free survival for TNs ranged from 85-94%.That's one reason to look forward with hope! Also, healthy eating (including low-fat choices) and regular exercise protects us TNs more than our ER+ sisters from a recurrence. That's something we can do for ourselves - a little "pill" of our own.   

I think most of us find that being busy helps... getting back to jobs, taking on volunteer work, going back to school... filling the hours with something that brings value to our lives or to the lives of others leaves less time to feel anxious. I have found helpful support in a group of ladies I went through treatment with - we were all part of a clinical study looking at the positive effects of exercise during chemo treatment. We get together from time to time. Of the 30 ladies in the experimental group, which began 5 years ago, only one has died. Another had a local recurrence and is NED. One other has bone mets and is in treatment. The rest have all been healthy since treatment, including my TN friend who was staged as late stage 3. The point is, while this is just anecdotal evidence, I do find it helpful and hopeful to be surrounded by cancer survivors as a reminder that the stats are not as frightening as we may think. If there a support group near you, would you be willing to try out? Maybe one that's focused on exercise, which can fill both physical and psychological needs? 

Lastly, if you find your mood can't be lifted, if you feel overwhelmed or deeply saddened or inert, I would encourage you to speak to your onc or GP and get a referral to a psychiatrist. It is not unusual for cancer survivors to suffer depression... and medication and counselling can be healing.

I wish you all the best.  

Tanya,

I was 42 and have been through the same - never met anyone with breast cancer that wasn't at least  55, and have never met a single person in real life with TN. It is incredibly lonely,no one has a clue what you're dealing with. Except us.

Cancer has changed you. If you feel this change is too much for the worse, maybe see a counselor. I am seeing mine next week after a year and a half. This recurrence has come along and blown me out of the water. I was telling my husband about my visions and nightmares and he looked at me with such pity... I guess It's not normal to see infinity symbols wrapping around your throat and slicing an "x" straight through, complete with associated gore. My couselor has been great, she sees the obvious in what to me is my "hot mess".  

Good luck, sweetie. We're here.

Sandy23: A member named Hope60 has been recently diagnosed with a recurrence and just started on carboplatin and gemzar. Maybe find her on the Member list and PM her with your questions... and/or join us on the Calling all TNs thread - Hope and others (in treatment, beyond treatment and newly diagnosed) all post there. It's a lively conversation.