Dreams - for those Stage 4 caregivers that have lost their moms

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Margi1959
Margi1959 Member Posts: 178
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

For those of you that have lost your moms and still hang out here like I do, do you have dreams about your Mom?

 I've had a few, for the first few months, I dreamed she was angry at me.  I could never quite figure out why but someone somewhere said to me after she died that they never saw me at the hospice....how come I wasn't going to see my mom?  I was there every day, just never when they were.  But this stuck with me and spawned a huge attack of survivor's guilt and many questions I tormented myself with for month.  I honestly was so burned out by the time Mum went in to hospice and she was pretty much out of it all the time by then too, I did only go in the mornings when she was awake.  These people were there while she was sleeping and she never did talk to them.  I was there with her.....anyway, I know I was there.  I know I did a good job caregiving for her.  But this really stung and stayed with me for a long time.

 Last night, I was dreaming - of nothing of consequence and all of a sudden, my Mum came through a door.  Dressed beautifully in one of her trademark business suits, heels, hair all done, makeup on, and she was smiling.  She didn't actually say the words, but the message I got from her was "I'm all better now."  (My mum went in to a wheelchair, once a ski racer and basketball player, this was a horrible adjustment for both of us).  I remember saying to her in the dream "Wow, look at YOU!"  And I hugged her.  It felt SO friggin good.  :)  

Maybe, just maybe...she's sending me a message that she's ok now.

Sorry if this post is a little out there, but I'm hoping other Stage 4 caregivers can relate.

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  • eric95us
    eric95us Member Posts: 2,845
    edited September 2012

    I was married in 1989 to the most wonderful lady in the world. We will be celebrating our 24th anniversary.



    In 1983, I was engaged to be married to another wonderful lady. I called her Mickey. Her real name was Denice. We were going to have a small "sunset on the beach" wedding. She died because of ovarian cancer when she was 21.



    Since my wife was diagnosed with stage 3 BC, I had a dream that I was on a beach at sunset. In the dream, I am the groom, my wife is the bride, Mickey is the maid of honor and a copy of me is the best man. The priest, plus the 4 of us are the only ones there.



    The maid of honor and the best man catch the flowers and the garter.



    And then I woke up.



    Eric

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  • mandapanda
    mandapanda Member Posts: 105
    edited September 2012

    My mom just passed August 10th and I have had a couple dreams. Some that she is in her room laying in bed sick. When she was in hospice I played her this song called home by Phillip Phillips(he just won American idol) and in my dream she told me to get a tattoo of the lyrics "settle down, it'll all be clear" from the song and she's standing in the kitchen. So, I have a tattoo I got in July of a red bird for my uncle who passed 3 years ago and 2 flowers by it representing my kids. So, I guess I will be adding another tattoo.

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  • Margi1959
    Margi1959 Member Posts: 178
    edited September 2012

    I think that's how they visit us.  They come to us in our dreams.  The night my grandfather died (we lived with him, so he was more of a dad to me), I dreamed he was standing at the foot of my bed saying "it's gonna be ok, kid".  I still get dreams of him sometimes and he passed 28 years ago.

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