Depression When Getting to End of Treatment?

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PamCA
PamCA Member Posts: 41
edited June 2014 in Life After Breast Cancer

Hi,

I only have 4 rads to go which I am really glad about.  But I find that overall I feel depressed which doesn't make sense since I am about done with treatment.  I seem to feel like I am a different person than I was before chemo and I'm not sure who that person is.  I don't know if any of this makes any sense to any of you.  But if it does, I would really like to hear about your experience and how you handled it. 

Thanks much.

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  • Cindyl
    Cindyl Member Posts: 1,194
    edited July 2012

    It's very normal.  I think it's a combination of fatigue, fear and the realization that even tho treatment is done, it's never really DONE. I found my rads nurses and techs very reassuring.  They were a great comfort and the idea of "going it alone" was almost overwhelming.

    It does get better.  I decided that I needed to take control of my recovery and it seemed the best thing I could do was to lose some weight so I've been watching calories and exercising, trying to get a good nights sleep every night.  I'm doing much better now. I'm sure you'll find a path that works for you too.

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  • Denise-G
    Denise-G Member Posts: 1,777
    edited July 2012

    I just finished Rads last Friday 7/27/12.   The week before I cried constantly.  Everyone says it is normal feelings.   When I woke up Saturday morning, I decided I have to declutter my house.  The last 2 days I have been working feverishly cleaning closets, kitchen cupboards, and garage!   I did more in 2 days than I've done the last 10 months!  LOL!

    But it makes me feel like I have some control.   Plus, when I thought I was going to die, I figured someone else was going to have to take care of my clutter!  But I guess that person is me!  Cause to celebrate!

    You are going through a normal process as you get close to Rads ending.   It will turn around, and suddenly you will feel a rebirth going on!!  I know I am a different person now.  I'm not sure who I am, but I guess I will figure it out!

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  • Elizabeth1889
    Elizabeth1889 Member Posts: 1,036
    edited August 2012

    PamCA, I understand how you feel. I felt exactly the same way last year. It does get better, but it takes time. A very caring RO recommended that I join a local cancer support group. What a difference that made to me emotionally! We meet every two weeks and for that hour none of us has to pretend that we are doing all right. A group of compassionate listeners makes a world of difference. Of course, the sisters on this forum do the same thing 24/7. Good luck during your journey of healing.

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  • Letlet
    Letlet Member Posts: 1,053
    edited August 2012

    This was me last year. I was so depressed after treatment, I needed counseling because after 9 months of active treatment I needed to go back to work. Surreal doesn't begin to describe it. My desk was untouched, my pens were in the exact position that I left it, yet I was completely different. My life was completely changed, turned upside down . I felt like that washing machine - ding, it's done and I was back to work.

    Throughout my commute those days I struggled to make sense of everything. Where was my life headed. I had finished treatment and I didn't want to waste my days. What did I want out of my remaining life? Why, what, how? It swirled through my brain over and over again. I knew I needed help when I was crying on the bus. I was on anti-depressants for a while but was able to wean myself off of it.

    That was a year ago and I am much better handling things. The awfulness of chemo and the bone crushing fatigue and burns from radiation are a distant bad memory. Yes they were completely awful for me but the memories touch me now and then in a form of a "cry" but other than that they are in the distant past (and I pray never again!)

    It gets better for me, every day that's a day away from diagnosis.

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  • camillegal
    camillegal Member Posts: 16,882
    edited August 2012
    PAM what u'r saying is so so true for most of us--after yrs of chemo/rads/surg---I felt like I was being abandoned by everyone, cuz I had to go it alone--wouldn't see everyone every week--they to me were my support--who'd understand any of this craziness.  Bit like said it passes day by day. Every week for yrs I was given such care and then it's done finally so happy but---where is everybody?  My Dr. did say Oh u'll see a lot of me for a long time---(tests and stuff) but in my mind it wasn't the same. So of course u'r sad---I have heard group therapy works well for alot of women and of course these boards can certainly help. It's another phase to go thru--but it is good in so many, many ways.
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  • ali68
    ali68 Member Posts: 1,383
    edited August 2012

    Letlet I'm getting that way, can I ask how rads went for you. I have had very bad SE and had day 2 of rads and my lumpectomy scar under my arm is throbbing already.



    Panca, I'm with you all the way.

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  • onestepatatimetosurvive
    onestepatatimetosurvive Member Posts: 16
    edited August 2012

    Hello ladies! So glad to have found this thread.  First I finally found some folks with similar diagnosis as I.  Plus, I have just finished my chemotherapy treatments and go today for my first visit with RO.  Anxious to hear how many treatments I will have.  Mentally, though it has been tough since finishing chemo.  I think I was so focused on counting down and completing chemo, that I didn't let my mind wander into the reality of what I'm actually fighting against.  I'm sure that once I start my rads I will feel like I'm fighting again and the depression may get better, but when they're over I'm sure it will hit again. 

     No one else really understands.  They think I should be dancing on cloud 9 that chemo is over...and don't get me wrong...I am thankful they are over and I survived it- BUT...there's still that feeling. 

     Anyway nice to meet all of you.  Would love to keep in touch. 

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  • oceanblue47
    oceanblue47 Member Posts: 1
    edited September 2012

    Hi everyone! I'm new here. I can so relate to these feelings!!! I'm 2 weeks out from 33 rads & 1& 1/2 months out from 5 months of chemo. 2 of them very stong AC treatments. I made it through the chemo ok but was very burned & miserable from the rads! Now I'm pretty well healed & except for Drs. visits down the road & a CT scan to make sure my lung nodules haven't changed from 7 months ago I'm kind of on my own. I also just started 5 yrs of Arimidex. I think our bodies are still recuperating from all this "abuse"! I have suffered from anxiety for many years but was amazed at how I got through all of this but now guess what the anxiety is back big time! Im depressed & my appetite has not been good. I called the Oncologist this morning to see if I could go back on Compazine. They said yes but not for long & I don't want to either. I'm actually thinking of some kind of therapy. I do go to a support group but we only meet once a month. I wish I could get out & walk but my arthritis is so bad at times I just can't. I also still feel so tired. Anyway I'm so glad I found this group. I know I'll get through this as will all of you. Fight on new friends!!!! May we all find our own peace to get through this!! 

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