Recurrence after 11 years. Terrified at this point!

I am so sorry that this is happening to you.  Please don't fear the MX though-its really not that bad.  I was terrified of it-everything from how it would feel to how I would look.  I will tell you that the procedure itself was worlds easier than I expected it to be.  The first week is a little tough but nothing I couldn't handle and I am a wimp with pain.  I also have to say that seeing myself was not as bad as my expectations either.  I thought I would be traumatized but really it wasn't so bad.  And the recon is coming along great and with clothes you would not be able to tell.   My husband loves me and wants above all for me to be healthy so he is very reassuring to me that he still finds me sexy.  I bet yours will be the same.  Actually I bet that going through this together will bring you closer.  I have been married for 10 years and going through the MX together brought us closer than we have ever been-its almost like at a whole new level. 

 hugs and prayers 

Onelife2012:  My heart goes out to you.  Please keep posting your questions and fears and we'll do our best to help you through them.  About 6 weeks ago I wrote an article on helpful suggestions for anxiety: http://marnieclark.com/10-anxiety-busters-for-breast-cancer-patients/ .  I sincerely hope it helps you.  Feel free to sign up for my newsletters (they're full of my best info).  Sending you lots of love and hugs today.

I am sorry that you have to go through this. It is very sad that after 11 years this "&)(;5)):/8& is back I am sure you get the point. I was diagnosed with original BC when I was 37 years old my kids at the time were 4 and 11. I would have made 3 years cancer free in august. At the original diagnosis I had a mastectomy, I had Chemo and radiation. So when I was diagnosed with bone mets in mid may I am angry to it's not fair. Just when you start living I have to go through this again. But you know I am learning to deal with it one day at a time. I know what I have is not curable but it is treatable and I have to live for my boys they still need me they are know 7 and 16. I refuse for cancer to take over my life. So stay strong for yourself and your husband and kids. After all we are all warriors.

I remember well how I reacted to the news that I had cancer again eleven years after my initial diagnosis. The shock, the fear, the disbelief! It had taken me about ten years just to breathe easy and not to worry about a cancer recurrence. With the second diagnosis, I underwent mastectomy, no chemo, then hormonal therapy. Three years after that, I was diagnosed with mets to chest wall and skin. I have now had NED status for three years since the mets diagnosis. Yes, it has been a challenging experience, but I have learned that I am stronger than I had suspected (and I thought I was strong from the beginning) and that hope involves many different aspects of my life and, often, ever changing goals. My thoughts are with all of you who are dealing with a new diagnosis or worrisome symptoms. I hope you will get the information and support that you need in order to cope most effectively with the changes you face and that you remember there is some great education and support available through this site. I will check back again soon to get any updates, and I am open to PMs, if needed. Take good care....

Hi, Onelife2012, I'm sorry to hear that you had the flu on top of all else that you are facing, and I hope you are at least feeling stronger physically. How wonderful for you that you have a surgeon you feel like you can trust! I hope you continue to get all the information that you need in order to make the best decisions for you.

When I was diagnosed the second time, I considered reconstruction; however, the radiation from eleven years prior did not make it feasible because of the damage to my chest. Because of the location of my tumor, I had a massive boost at the end of my series of treatments, and I am sure that created part of the problem. I also did not want to endure more surgeries and chose instead to focus on building my health in any way possible, so I probably would not have chosen recon anyway. I have certainly missed having my breast, but I have adjusted better than I expected. Perhaps my adjustment is in part due to the fact that I am a slender person and I have relatively small breasts. I imagine others will come along to offer suggestions, and you might want to post on the forum that specifically addresses this issue.

Also, if it were me, I would have to go to Maui! I guess I learned early in my cancer journey to embrace all those things that enhance my quality of life, and I personally would not worry about the 3 week delay. However, you might need to look at the psychological impact of waiting, which ultimately might be more anxiety-provoking than you want during a fabulous getaway.

And finally, with regard to not thinking clearly and not functioning well: You sound like you are doing just fine trying to gather all the information you need and to consider various aspects of decisions as you make decisions about your future care. The decision making process is often filled with moments of apprehension and doubt, but that is part of the process. And it is certainly not a sign that you aren't functioning well. Now, you might not like the way this upheaval makes you feel--and who would?--but you sound like you are doing what you need to do. I am hopeful for you that you will make sound decisions and that you will do so realizing that you will not know all the consequences until you take the leap, but that is part of life anyway!

Hi onelife, I wanted to let you know that my friend had reconstruction with expanders after rads. What they did was expanded the rad breast even bigger than the other one, and then removed the skin that was too damaged and used Alloderm to replace the skin. I don't know all the technical details but might be something to look into. When I had the expanders I asked about surveilance afterwards and the PS told me the implants are placed under the muscle so that everything is right upp front and would be easy to detect a local recurrence. He said the implants are basically right on top of the ribs. I wish you good luck with the rest of your treatments! Heidi

Onelife, will be thinking of you and praying for a speedy healing for you.  I had recurrance after 15 years, but had already had double mast, chemo and radiation.  Just finished 14 rounds more of chemo, and I say you do whatever you can to fight back.  I am getting my strength and hair back, so we move on and live as normally as we can.  I really feel good, considering.

Caryl, In case you don't already know this, I sent you a PM. I know you were scheduled for surgery today, and I hope all went as well as possible. I'll be thinking of you.

Cassie, Good luck with your surgery! I hope you will recover without complications and that you will soon get all the info you need to make the best plan for your future treatment. Be good to yourself.

I had a local TN recurrence, but it was only after 3 1/2 years. I've heard it's almost impossible fo TN to recur after 8 years.

same here..recurrence after 11 years. was 41 then. now at 52 have stage 40 plus lymph nodes. 4th treatment in one year. but gotta say, not so bad as i thought. still in nodes. no vital organs, and still working and living life. dont know when thigns will down spiral, but i am very busy living right no so my mind doesnt go there much. my secret is keeping busy and laughing with friends.  dont get me wrong, there have been plenty of sobbing nights, bt the good right niw far outwieghs the bad times. hang in there. i will keep you in my prayers. i alo saw a counselor, he also helped. good to have someone to vent to who will just listen. sometimes that is all we need.

Minxie recurrence tn after 12 years same breast. Breast is also reconstructed breast to add to it.

Onelife,  I was a teacher.  Research shows that our brains work while sleeping.  I found the trick is to give your brain something else to deal with as you go to sleep.  Put Audiobooks on a phone or mp3 player, and through earphones, go to sleep listening.  I have used since cancer,  One Thousand Years of Laughter,  free. downloaded podcasts of Garison Kieler monologues from Lake Woebegone,  Prarie Home Companion,  A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the White House, and Bossypants.  I go to sleep listening, and sometimes wake up listening, but it stopped the waking up with SAD and FEAR.  Hope it works for you