My heart is heavy and I just can't breathe

Thank you for your kind words. We took my mom to their property down at the beach one last time. It was a long trip but one she wanted to make so we loaded in the car and went. It was great to see her smile. She only said she wished she could have done more. I told her being there was more than enough. the phone didn't ring and no one came to the door which allowed her to get some much needed rest she so needed. It is nice when people come to visit but my mom doesn't want pitied nor to say she is sick and needs to lay down so she continues to sit there and some of the visits tend to run long.  This was an issue i had to discuss with my dad. I went up on Thursday and I could see it in her face and I whispered to her and I said I knew she needed rest and that it was best for all to leave. My dad doesn't want to hurt anyones feelings and that isn't my objective.  however, it is what is best for her. If they truly care for her, they will understand. If not, they don't belong there anyway. That is the way I see it.  I can see the jaundice mostly in her eyes and she is severely constipated and vomits frequently. She is taking meds for the constipation which is working but it is alot for her. As she says, one day she is working and driving and now she can't do either. Hospice has come in and has gotten her meds but she is very limited on what she has taken so far. She continues to cough up the gookie stuff as i call it and has drops for that to put on her tongue.  She said she started to use it last night. My heart is breaking as I know her time is drawing near and my stress is so heavy that my heart just hurts.  I know my anxiety level is through the roof and my hair has begun to fall out due to the stress. I have experienced this before when I was diagnosed with PTSD.  No matter how tough things get, I will be there by her side because I love her so much that I want to be with her and to care for her. I am officially off work now and my responsibilty is to my mom.  She has given so much to me..not materials but she has taught me the morals and values that were needed for me to become a strong independent woman. I would be lying if i said i wasn't scared because i'm actually horrified.