Fear of breast self exam

Tessa,

Do you have a life partner that could do it? 

Before I went all Stage 4, I used to hit it in the shower when the breast was all soapy. It made it go faster, and I had to clean the area anyway.

And, I'll bet you your doctor could give you a short-acting tranquilizer (I'm a fan of Ativan) for the monthly BSE. It's not a crutch - it's a tool.

I do understand your fear. A cognitive behavioral approach would be to just lightly stroke your flesh at first, and then work in stages to get to the level you feel appropriate. Reward yourself for each successful stage.

Best of luck. And no beating up on yourself for not "getting over it". You've got a lot to deal with.

Jennifer

Dogsandjogs

I had to laugh at the "gettin stuff together for taxes"  I will always associate my girls with filing my tax return now! 

 Tessa

I have a friend who is similar to you, she gets her husband to do it for her. 

I am a 13 yr survior,but do have all my tests exams checkups etc at my cancer clinic, I am a high risk, had 2 other sisiters with bc one passed at 33 yrs old from it . Had gene testing and have brca1, family all tested positive for it too. I have cysts and lumps all over my breasts, constantly called back for ultrasounds every time I have my MRI and mammos so I pretty much live there, Thhis week had my routine mammos, and even cracked a joke that I don't do self exams, cuz thats how I found my original tumor.I was just there valentines day for followup ultrasound, and only saw a syst, but after my mammos had reg appt with oncol. an hour later, and she found a lump, @the 7 olock so it being pretty much on the lower about where the bra underwire is and so obvious.I almost threw up nothing found in Feb, 1.5 cm found in an obvious spot5 months later.I am so ashamed that I did not do self exam, I am positive that I would have felt it its almost outside the breast. BTW my original cancer was on the oppisite side @6 oclock same again. Really PLEASE do the exams, PS I go for needle biopsy this Wed.

Remember that EVERYONE is scared of something.  Seriously.  You don't even want to know how afraid I am of mammograms, sonograms and MRIs.  My now former radiologist told me next time I had one, either do it in Johannesburg or Sydney or tell him and he would move there before my scheduled appointment because I was crying so hard before the test other patients were getting up and walking out.  Okay so I am better now (and have a different radiology practice who are much cooler with freaked out patients) But people who are pretty normal in general are scared of pretty mundane stuff too. Some of it sounds of the walls to others but is completely real to them and that is what matters.  I myself am petrified of cats, too.  And the dish that is a whole fish with eyes and tail in Chinese restaurants (worse, my daughter is adopted from China and we have been back six times in 15 years -- there the eye/tail fish isn't even quite dead when served).  What I do is step back and just try and keep calm and carry on as the Brits said during WW 2.  A mammogram isn't a diagnosis, I have never heard of a domesticated cat killing anyone and well the fish thing: so okay I order the lo mein and recognize that the fish in question is in worse shape than me.  Here's the old adage: feel the fear and do it anyway.  Or as my new radiologist says: "Suck it up" (I swear she says that and she is smiling cause she is right).

Thing is this, if you really had a true phobia I doubt that you could even speak about it especially on a website like this.  Fears run deep, but they don't run you over.  On a plane have you ever met someone who has a true phobia of flying?  I can guarantee not because those people wouldn't be caught dead on a flight.  

Do the exams.  Start with an inch or two of boob one day and move on to three inches the next, then four, whatever.  Perhaps that will desensitize you over a few days.  Do them: just think of someone you care about and you are doing this for (ie: so you will be healthy and great for them and your future together whatever that may be).

Amanda

PS: I'm sorry if I offended anyone with the cat thing.  Or the fish thing. Oh but man those fish eyes and tail....ugh  

I agree - mammograms are not enough - you have to do the self-exams.  BOTH of my cancers were missed by mammograms. I have had them annually since I turned 40.  (I am now 76) I found both lumps myself.  The Breast Center told me mammograms are only 85 percent accurate.

Tessa: Here's what I was told years ago: It is important to check your breasts monthly so that you learn what they feel like. Then if there is a change you will notice it right away.

That's what happened to me (twice) I felt the usual bumps and dents or whatever and then one time I felt a lump that was completely different. It was hard, had irregular edges, could not be moved around, etc. I knew something was wrong.

Second time: Hard and could not be moved around. But this time it felt smooth---so wasn't quite sure, but knew I had to get it checked. Sure enough it was another cancer.