The word "JOURNEY"
To me a journey means excitement, adventure, freedom and no stress.
I love sayings like "The road of life twists and turns and no two directions are ever the same. Yet our lessons come from the journey, not the destination" and "Focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing an activity, but in doing it"
When at hospitals, clinics, appointments etc I feel like I am the only person that hates this word being used in relation to cancer - it literally makes me cringe.
Am I the only one ??
Comments
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No Kelpie you are not the only one so count me in as a supporter of your post. Some of these "cliche's" can really annoy you and for me, its the ones that eventually change the meanings of words. Another one of my pet peeves is people telling you to "be positive". It used to infuriate me but now I just explain to people what it is theyre actually doing.
Musical
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I also can't stand that analogy. BC is a disease, not a journey.
It's also not a war. I can't "win" or "beat cancer" by "fighting". I can treat it with various drugs and procedures. I can't stand when obits say "lost her battle with cancer". What, if she "fought harder" she'd still be alive? It's her fault she's dead, she didn't "fight" hard enough? Someone else on these boards said she wants written about her "Treatment failed her". I couldn't agree more.
Leah
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Jeeze I am so happy to see others feel the same way I do. If I hear the word "journey" one more time! Where did all the catch phrases come from??? Who started it. Believe it or not I tried looking it up on the net. I find it so demeaning in the true sense of the word. Did we choose to hop scotch down this road? Did we choose to pick a fight???? Can we ever change society,s perception of "pink", "jouneys" and "battles" . It is an undescribable horrible desease, with undescribable horrible treatments.
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"Journey" doesn't bother me as much as "battle" does. I don't know why. "Survivor", also, makes me cringe because it makes me feel like I'm being singled out as different. I don't want to be defined by cancer; I just want to be me.
I, also, hate it what people tell me how "inspiring" and "courageous" I've been. I feel that there was nothing inspiring or courageous about cancer treatment; you do what you have to do to live as long as possible. Period. It's nice that they think that way about me, I guess, but I would much rather they see ME not the cancer. -
You can add me to the list! Oddly enough, the one who uses the word "journey" the most in my case is a sister who also had breast cancer.
Leah, everything you said too. I really hate all of those cliches.
I also hate being called a "trooper". -
JO-5,
I'm sure the topic wasn't directed at you. Lots of people use the word(s), but (as the title of the thread suggests), some of us don't like certain terms used in relation to our own experiences. Lots of people hate the pink theme/pink ribbon but that won't make any difference to the people who do like it and who do use it. There's nothing wrong with voicing an opinion about it either way.
It has nothing to do with being over-sensitive or overreacting to words, and I certainly wouldn't expect someone to watch everything they post for fear of offending someone. I don't think that's the spirit of this thread at all.
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Sorry JO-5, this was not directed at you (or anyone) so I apologise if I have offended you. Just because I don't like the word doesn't mean that I can't appreciate that it holds significance or importance for other people.
I don't believe I am overly sensitive and I certainly didn't want to come across as having a go at anyones opinion. I am also certainly not leading a campaign to 'ban' the word.
I just simply wondered if it annoyed other people or if I wasn't 'getting' it . . . . . .
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Thanks for your concern JO-5. I don't usually post in threads when I disagree with something this minor, but that's just me.
Oh, and a belated "welcome to the boards," Kelpie68! I just noticed that you had recently joined.
One of the great things about this place is that when you ask questions like "Am I the only one?" most times you are not! We're a pretty supportive bunch
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Have to agree that 'journey' is overused but I can't find another word to better describe the last year and half. What else can you use to describe? All of life is a journey - just need a better word to describe the crooked path of the last year. I started a series of emails to keep family and friends updated, didn't like to use 'journey' but I did cuz I just couldn't think of anything else. Other ideas are welcome.
I don't think journey bothered me as much as 'survivor'. Really? Since I'm still breathing I am a survivor. I have 'survived' worse trauma than cancer. I have friends that survive every day with debillating things but they are not tagged as survivors. Oh - and the 'survivor' shirts? Again - cancer is a disease. Where is the tee shirt for people who survive life?
'Positive attitude' was another one. I have always been a positive person and still got cancer. Do I need a more positive attitude? I know some ornery, mean people that 'survived' cancer for many, many years - how did that happen without a 'positive attitude? LOL - okay, so I am positive I have cancer and I am positive I will do what I am told to make the cancer go away. Yeah, me.
Cliches are just cliches. I try to look beyond and realize most people just don't know what to say but want to say something. If their cliche just doesn't sit well for the moment, I respond with 'that's easy for you to say' - in a nice way cuz I know they mean well.
Ditto to Selena on 'inspired' and 'courageous'. I just want to live - nothing courageous about that. Inspiring - well, I guess if my positive attitude during this journey helps someone else be a survivor then, well, it is what it is.
Okay - I'm cracking myself up - what other words can we use? Open to ideas.
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Oh - and the pink thing. I was never a pink person and I have so much pink stuff now. I understand, I get it, but I don't want to branded as breast cancer survivor. I have a selection of pink ribbon mugs, shirts, and a sweatshirt that says 'for the girls'!
Truly, I am laughing right now. I gave up and decided pink was my new brand. Shared my 'pink' feelings with friends and wear/use the pink stuff all the time. Now it just brings a chuckle to anyone who is around.
Still don't know where to wear the 'for the girl's' sweatshirt - my girls are gone with nothing in their place. It's a nice shirt - I'll find a place to wear it and we'll all laugh together.
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How about "roller coaster"? LOL! Even though I love roller coasters!
You made me laugh anyway, especially with
"LOL - okay, so I am positive I have cancer and I am positive I will do what I am told to make the cancer go away."
I think we've all used one cliche or another, me included. For me, it's a minor annoyance and I never say anything if someone uses it to describe what they're going through (or even what I'm going through). It's partly context, too: My sister tells people that I'm in the middle of a personal journey. Really? Most of them think I'm drinking margaritas somewhere.
Edited to add: Hahaha re the pink stuff! People do mean well, and you seem to have a great sense of humor about it. I have a similar shirt but I'm missing one "girl" now so maybe I can white out the "s".
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People used to tell me when I had lymphoma that I was "brave" and I'd always wonder why they thought so. It's not like I was given the option of cancer and "bravely" chose to have it. So I went through hellish treatments to get rid of it? That's not brave, that's called not wanting to die!
I have already heard the 'b' word since my BC diagnosis only a few weeks ago. And all the well-meant messages of "you're so strong", "stay positive", "you can beat it"... It really is quite irritating sometimes! -
LOL - bend in road is more like Dead's Man Curve!
Another post also brought up 'you look so good'! So I really looked bad before cancer? Cuz no hair or boobs really aren't that becoming. Thing is -people have a stereotype of what a cancer patient looks like - they see me and instead of reeling in shock they say I look good. Yep - I do. I look much better then I did during chemo and much better then if I let the cancer rage but I still feel I looked better before the cancer days started.
The fun thing is to bring it out in the open. At the onset a friend said something like 'sorry you are going through this'. My response was 'it plain sucks'. I thot he'd spew his soda across the room. Not the response he expected but it was fun for me!
I admit - my sense of humor runs wild at times but that's me.
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I have banned recieving inspirational sayings on mugs, wall hangings etc. I am doing my best to cope with this and I really got upset that on the day I finished rads, I was told "you have finished your journey now' mmmmm.
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The day I finished rads I received a Certificate! Seriously! So I wonder -
1) where do I post a certificate saying I completed radiation therapy? It that something I want others to see?
2) was it really a celebration? They just blasted me with more than 15,000 rads of radiation and I get a certificate?!
Thing is - I really liked the people at the rad center so I just took it in stride. My sister and I laughed when we got to the car and decided to go to lunch to celebration my graduation!
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ohio4me Maybe you could frame it and hang it over the fireplace?! After my diagnosis, someone was waiting in the wings to hand me... a binder with my name on it. What was inside it? A flyer with the wrong phone number for the breast health support line.
I get the "but you look so gooood" a lot at work. After my third surgery, my boss said, "I expected you to look, well, gaunt!" Hmm, could be that I don't because of the 47 chocolates I ate on the couch that morning.
katopet: They actually said "You have finished your journey now" ? -- wow!
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gumshoe - laughing at the 47 chocolates and wrong phone numbers.
People truly mean well and it is difficult to find the right words to say. I think Selena said it above - I don't want to be defined by cancer - I just want to be me.
However, I realized the day I received my results that this 'thing' happened to my family and friends also. It wasn't all about me. My little sis cried more than I did - jovial friends became solemn. Maybe they were waiting to see how would handle everything? Maybe they were just as discombobbled as I was? No matter how you spin it - I became a breast cancer patient and that carries lots of stereotypes.
It is nice to know, via this thread, that I wasn't alone in feeling a bit of resentment at the cliches. Now I look back and chuckle.
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Very well-said, ohio4me. You are right: it has happened to everyone close to us, and likely the only things they have ever heard (and the only things I ever heard before I was diagnosed) were the cliches. When my sister was diagnosed years ago, I'm sure I said the same cliches to her.
My husband gets a bit horrified when I joke about things (even though he has an amazing sense of humor) but for me, it's a must. To him, nothing about it is funny, but for me I have to laugh because it's good medicine.
Thanks to Kelpie68 for creating the thread -- just what I needed!
[Edited to fix a typo!]
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Oh - here's another one - 'you can do this'! Really? And how do you know that? After my second chemo I was at my very lowest and didn't think I could do this. When I got metal mouth I went on Ativan because I couldn't do it. Maybe well wishers could say 'it's gonna be a rough road, what can I do to help?'. There's probably nothing they can do but it beats telling me I can do something when it's all unknown.
I laughed alot this past year during chemo and radiation - must be that 'positive attitude'.
Oh - and how do people know if I have the 'right' attitude? Thing is, it's life. Things happen. We deal with what comes our way. It's better than the option.
So - do we have another word for journey? Road? Path? Thing called life? I still don't like 'journey' but I can't options.
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Hahaha, yes! I thought of this one last night too, which literally sets my teeth on edge:
"You go, girl!"
I heard this one the most when my reconstruction had failed and all of the surrounding breast tissue had died. Where? Where would you like me to go? Because right now I'm just travelling from appointment to appointment, and operating table to operating table. And sometimes to the grocery store.
As for journey, I can't think of another word but I still avoid it by saying "I'm being treated for breast cancer." So I just don't give it a "traveling" word!
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Agreed on "journey" - that one bugs me for some reason. Cancer for me is more more like a bomb going off in your life and you're left amidst the debris, dazed, trying to pick up the pieces.
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'Positive attitude' has always bugged me. Today my Dad told he admires my positive attitude. Dad is 80. Dad is wise. Dad is my hero - I think I will take 'positive' from him. It sounded more like a compliment than a decree.
Still pondering another word for journey.
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JO-5: Haha, yes, that's a good one!
ohio4me: It's sweet coming from a parent! My 79-year-old mom gets a pass on anything she says to me. In fact, she could say "You're being such a trooper with a positive attitude while on your journey. You go, girl!" AND hand me a certificate, and I'd be just fine with that!
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Journey doesn't bother me. I hate "fight" and "survivor". Or when someone calls me "brave". I didn't have much choice-I just did what I had to do and will continue to do so.
Mary
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Survivor: I'll only consider myself a survivor of cancer AFTER I die from something totally unrelated to cancer.
Brave: No I'm not, I didn't have a choice in the matter. (Putting on a thick italian mob style accent "You gotta do what ya gotta do).
Leah_S wrote "It's also not a war. I can't "win" or "beat cancer" by "fighting". I can treat it with various drugs and procedures. I can't stand when obits say "lost her battle with cancer". What, if she "fought harder" she'd still be alive? It's her fault she's dead, she didn't "fight" hard enough? Someone else on these boards said she wants written about her "Treatment failed her". I couldn't agree more." . . . . . I love it, I've made a note of it in my post-life instructions !
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It's not a journey, it's a bad trip!
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Just jumping in here guys....hope it's ok ..some of your comments are making me laugh
(a rare thing these days) Oh...why did I jump in ...ok ...a colleague at work actually told
Me that I looked better now after my lumpectomy and radiation...duh.....LOL -
LOL re the bad trip -- perfect!
Hi Scottiee -- Now that made me laugh! A prime example of people who mean well but word it oh, so badly...
I have heard the word "journey" approximately 500 times since last week. I *might* be exaggerating but it's like I paid attention to it and now it's following me... like a stray cat. -
Hi Gumshoe....nice to talk to you on this thread.....yeah.....journey.....I HATE the word.....
To me a journey has a beginning and an end.....is that what they really think, that our "journey" is going to end at some point with us all "DYING"......HATE the word grrrrrrr -
Journey.....like when you are sitting on an airplane minding your own business and it is hyjacked by terrorists (cancer) who plan to kill you, and when the swat team (treatment) comes to rescue you; depending what row you are sitting in (stage, grade, effectiveness of treatment), you will either come out slightly injured, badly injured, or dead in the crossfire that follows.......in that sense a journey.....
The statement that is #1 on my Most Hated Cliche list is, "God wouldn't give you more than you can handle."
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