Are you afraid to be happy?

cs34,

I finished all my treatments on July 6, and I am doing very well. Was pronounced 'cured' by the oncs last week, but I have that pesky little voice in my head . . . you know what I mean. I was just not feeling as elated and happy as I should feel right now that everything is over. Then yesterday I read something on one of these forums which immediately resonated with me, and inspired me so much. It said: Don't worry until you have something to worry about. Thinking about that made me realize just how futile worrying is, and that we are really stupid to waste so much time on something that cannot change anything. All it does is to make you feel worse. I am not going to allow that to be the case in my life any longer. My father was a cardiac cripple for the last 20 years of his life, waiting for the second heart attack which never came. I'm not going to live like that.  

OH MY GOSH - I totally hear you!  I'm only one year out from diagnosis... but the anxiety was pretty much constant, and I was really struggling...

So, I can't believe I'm actually going to recommend this...  I'm not one that opts for therapy etc...  BUT - someone on this board had posted about emotional freedom technique - tapping - and ... my better half had done this with good results... and well... for some reason, I decided to check it out.

We have a center that provides services for people dealing with serious health conditions - it's called Pathways - and they had an EFT session available.  So, I requested one, and I got one.

I decided to focus on that anxiety I was feeling about "the other shoe dropping" and how thoughts about that darn shoe made it difficult for me to focus etc...

I was hugely skeptical.  Tapping - really?  It just seems so...  like....  lame.  And yet, we started, and I bawled.  I outright started bawling.  I'm not a crier.  I haven't really cried in months. I ended up bawling twice.  The therapist said that was awesome.

An hour later, and several other issues faced... I felt more at peace than I have for months.  I still feel that way, and her prediction is that I will continue to feel that way.  She taught me how to do this tapping therapy on my own.  And I plan to do another session.

I think this was the video that someone on this board linked to:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IWu3rSEddZI

So...  if you are able to, consider trying it out.  The one thing the therapist said is that it cannot hurt you.  It cannot make things worse.  So... the worst case scenario is that nothing changes.

But, maybe you'll get some release of that anxiety. 

I was very pleasantly surprised by how intense it was... and I feel more like a regular person than like a person scared to death that the cancer will return.  Does that make sense?

Best wishes,

Lee

I definitely have that feeling -- afraid to be happy.  With bc, I'm on my 2nd major disease, both were total shocks and I keep feeling the next catastrophe is just waiting around the corner.  

Interestingly, when I was looking online for ways to deal with this anxiety and depression, I came across EFT.  I tried it once (following along with a youtube video) and it did seem to help a bit.  I'm going to look into it further.

cs34, you've been through the ringer, with bc, divorce AND the loss of your home.  I hope things look up for you when you move into your new apartment.