June 2012 Mastectomy

taismommy- yeah I think I'm gonna to ask my PS for more..I find it that it hurts to sneeze or cough unless i put my hand between my chest to brace or lessen the pain

I'm going to sound like a commercial, ladies, but I'm doing a shout out about a wound healing product.  My PS gave me Cica-Care silicone sheets to put on my BMX and TRAM scars until chemo is done.  I was fussing at how thick the scars were already (7 weeks).  It's been a week and I'm really impressed at how much flatter and softer the ridges are.  I think most of you are TEs, and so your scars aren't as big (you miss out on the hip-to-hip one, right?), but they must still be there.  If you're forming a lot of scar tissue, ask your PS about this product.  I'm really liking its results. 

Jinkala mixed blessing:  your mom isn't worried about you and cancer but she can't give you "mom comfort" either.  I don't know which I'd prefer, not having to worry about a worrying mom or being able to get a loving hug.  We're on the same chemo regimen, we're just going to have to give "mom comfort" to each other.

tais...thanks for the encouragement!!! *hugs* i have an awesome idea that worked for me to go to sleeping on my side. i can't guarantee it will work but it worked for me.

as soon as i could i started propping myself over to my side with pillows tucked behind me. so, i used a lot of pillows...like, i think i had five or six with me each night. and i would lay basically on my back, but kind of lean to one side and tuck on pillow under the side of your body that is upwards. so, your body isn't really a 90 degree angle per se but more on a 45 or 60...u see? so, i wasn't like truly side sleeping but, it was enough of a side tilt that i could have some relief that i wasn't on my back. it sounds nuts but it was just what i needed. i could NOT get a full nights sleep on my back. what helped even more was sleeping on the tilt, tucked in with pillows on the one side and then i had a small u shaped pillow for after my mastectomy which looks like a flat neck pillow...i put that on the side of my head that i was turning toward so i could kind of fake sleeping on my side. honestly, every night i found that i could "tilt" a little more until my body and TE were accustomed to the side sleeping position and now i side sleep each night on both sides. at first though, i couldn't tilt sleep all night long, but eventually i got there and last night my friends i not only side slept but i did for like 11 hours!! pretty awesome.

going for my third expansion today. im pretty excited. i want to have pamela anderson boobs now. lol. wellll....not REAAALY...but, im glad i don't look like the jersey shore gorillas anymore. lol. im actually looking a little "titty" if you know what i mean. like, they're not so weirdly square anymore they are starting to round out at the bottom now. also i dunno if anyone else is like this but my skin that is at the bottom of the incision line has been droopy and hard up until like the last two weeks. SUDDENLY its loose and flexible and all the weird bumpy hard stiffness is fading away! PRAISE GOD!

ran all this week thinking of you's. today is a run day but im thinking i may wait until tonight to not run immediately after my expansion.

oh my goodness ladies. i AM pamela....sans the 24 inch waist and blonde hair.

i got filled 180cc today!! which i was really glad for, im totally comfortable and dont feel tight in an uncomfortable way. just feels like, full.

during my surgery i think they filled me to 360 on the table. then my first fill was 60cc. i chickened out and asked them to stopafter 60 bc it felt too weird. they had wanted to do 120, but i wanted to stop. like an hour after my appointment i was mad that i didn't go brave and get the full 120, but...oh well. so i think i had two fills of 120 each and now this one at 180.  so i think im at 720cc now. which is awesome! i still think i need to go way bigger in my mind. im not sure though. i think if i have one more fill of 120 then i will be my regular size.  except higher and attached to my chest, rather than swaying and reaching for my toes...lol. its all odd because in all honesty my boobs were always droopy, even when i was like 16. so i think that plays into my excitement for these new mounds.

its funny though, like...my whole body image post surgery has actually gone up!  i thought i would be self concious of my scars...and any irregularities. but i look at myself in the mirror now and i like my curves and even like my stretch mark scars n stuff. i went from a M to an XL since my diagnosis but im sure that is coming off little by little now that im running again.

ohhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my goodness!!! so, i went to the fabric store to get new fabrics to make a new dance outfit.  i dance womens jingle dress in pow wows, and if you arent' sure what that is i'll send a link, there is a youtube video of me and my daughters dancing i think. anyways....i was looking for pink fabric to incorporate into my outfit for breast cancer awareness...and DID I NOT FIND PINK FABRIC WITH LITTLE GOLD JUNEBUGS ON IT!!! okay, so they are technically maybe ladybugs...but they are pink fabric, with the bugs in GOLD kind of silkscreened on there and unless you really examine it, they look like junebugs!!!! so, i bought it. i bought a lot of it and im going to mix it in with some gold jingles and beadwork and some calico flowery stuff to make a new dress to tell the story of the junebugs when i dance!  im so excited! i'll see if i can find that link!

NanG - I liked the video and can't wait to see a pic of the new dance outfit with the June Bugs!



I had an appt with my BS today and got my final pathology report. I was reading the Gross and Microscopic descriptions which I don't really understand but then I got to the sentence that said, "There is an unremarkable nipple and areola.". I know in cancer speak that's a good thing, but it made me laugh so hard. I mean I wasn't spectacular but unremarkable? My sis thinks my nipple tats should be lime green. That way I'll have remarkable nips. Probably a stupid thing to laugh about but I'll take what I can get.



Hope everyone is doing well with healing, treatment and reconstruction.

Great video Nan! I am also excited to see your June Bug outfit.

*wahhhhh* i hurttt! these tissue expanders are bothersome now. i repent of being cocky after my fill. i feel like an inflatable raft! if someone threw me in the lake i am convinced that i would float. i actually wouldn't need a life jacket. its' built in.

i also would like to share that at 720cc i can no longer sleep on my side as i previously boasted about. forgive me...im a jerk.

on the upside....i loled at loris green nipples. i saw a pic online of a girl who got one tattoo of a nipple and the other side was a cool flower design. looked really pretty. im a chicken. don't want a tattooed anything. i think i miss my nipples too. my kids do. lol. i showed them the scars and the expanders not too long ago so they could see why they have to be careful and my youngest said..."um mommy....what happened to those long things that were on your nin?"  (Nin is what we called boobs) it was cute that she referred to my nipples as 'long things'.  i miss the feeling of having nipples firm up when its cold, but thats about it.

in other news i faced the music and stepped on the scale this morning....twenty pounds up from my date of diagnosis. which i expected... but im glad that i know what im dealing with now. i knew from going to the docs that id gained some weight...and im actually down from when i had my surgery but im assuming that was retained fluid from iv's n stuff. so....dear junies...i joined weight watchers online. i did it before and got down to 150. that is where i feel the best.  right now im at 188. *eep* i'll bet if i get down to 150 by my exchange i'll have those pamela implants i was hoping for. lol!

i probably wont though. since i turned 30 i bottom out at 160. even when im really active. ive come to terms with my size and shape and now, am excited for what this journey will bring now that i have started to love myself and appreciate my body and health.

 @kathyhong, enjoy that fast metabolism while you have it!

Curveball-

Hehe I actually hate my metabolism already haha! I don't knowif it will go away. I have a thyroid disorder so my thyroid hormone drug controls and regulates my menstrual and weight. It never seems to fluctuate my weight except the one time my thyroid level was really low and made me gain 30 lbs which turned me into 120lbs but then my doctor changed my dosage to regulate my thyroid level and I went back to 90lbs again. There's a possibly my plastic surgeon may have to use alloderm during my recon. Since my bmx I have this weird hollow groove on top of my right breast and it doesn't seem to decrease even when I'm getting expanded. He says most likely we will use alloderm but he wants to wait till December to see what exactly what he'll do since I don't have enough fat to use. It'll. Itll be nice if he could use the fat from my thighs though! Wishful thinking ~haha

Curveball-

Yep!!!! I would have to ask him on Wednesday during my third fill. So many questions to ask him...

When I woke up from surgery that shallow curve was very apparant on my right breast. It looks better now but still noticeable. It might be possible to feel where the fat was removed. I did before my first feel but can't anymore b/c of the TE's.

But I'm also starting to wonder if the more expanded I am will the gap in between my breast become smaller or larger? Cause that definitely freaks me out.

anyone else with TE in feel weird scary lumps n bumps under thier skin? today i was poking around checking out the healing on the scar and i think i felt a teeny bump. not calling it a lump...in all likelihood its a blood vessel or fat chunk or soemthing. but its creepy and a little nerve enducing to say the least. i never had lumps tho. only dcis. so...its making me very nervous. maybe its even a lymph node? i dunno. i have no clue. all i know is that its changing my morning and i don't like that.

im going to my doc tomorrow to get copies of my path reports from all along the way. i wish it would tell me what gave me bc. but...alas....i'll never know. i think im kind of in that nasty place of doubt. eff this. or maybe just like a relash of fears u know? like...post traumatic worry or something. i feel like i dodged a bullet here and now i just feel like everything is dangerous. its a weird and scary place.

Nan, I have a small lump on the left TE. PS said its's normal.



I hope everyone is doing well with treatment and recovery. I've been busy the past few weeks watching the Olympics and getting the kids ready for school. Now the Olympics are over and the kids went back to school today so now I'm having to get back to my normal routine. My 15 year old son has been camped out in his room playing Xbox for weeks and I went in his room and it scared me! I started to clean it and thought better of it. I left a trash bag and step by step instructions of what he needs to do. Boys!



I meet with my nurse navigator tomorrow to go over my pathology report. Also going to get recommendations for a nutritionist. My fills are going much slower than what it seems like everyone else has, but like Kathy, I have a pretty small frame so I don't have too much further to go. Just ready to try to have this in the rear view mirror. Is that possible?

Love to all!

Lori

so glad to find this string!   I have been in for 3 'fill's.   BLUGHHHH.   Do you all take anything afterwards?  I've been taking a valium and a painkiller off an on for the next 24 hours.   It is very unpleasant, for the first few days anyway.   I've been starting to run again, (very slowly) and I can't do that until 5 days after my 'fill up'.   I have been able to sleep on my side with the assistance of pillows.   But for the first 2 nights after a fill I will sleep in the recliner.  

 I noticed a funny perk of this situation this week.  I keep getting compliments that I look like I've lost wait.  (and haven't lost or gained really).    I realized that it's an illusion ...as I 'grow' I am giving off an  illusion of looking slimmer.    I don't mind that!!   Makes me feel better and less self conscious about the huge grand canyon in my chest. (as an earlier posted callled it).    Does anyone feel like their growing out of their sides?   I'm starting to get more self conscious I think.

Hi ladies,

I am totally pissed today! I went for an iron infusion and they could not access my port, so they sent me to place where it was installed to have an eval. Well turns out my port has FLIPPED and so have I!! Chemo is suppose to start on Thursday and I am having my port removed from my chest and inserted into my left arm. ARGH!! I called my Onc back when I was leaving the clinic and he said we will proceed with chemo Thurs anyway. WTH is that??? Im going to be sore as all shit and he wants to proceed??? I better be getting some serious pain meds and anxiety something because i am a nervous wreck.

Sorry I dont know if the above makes sense, im so upset.

Finally slept on my right side for a bit last night! It only took 8 weeks post surgery to get there

Taismommy - Your post absolutely makes sense. Plus, you are experiencing a tremendous amount of anxiety about starting the treatment. I am about to go for round 3 of AC on Monday and I get anxious the night before and morning of.  I agree with Kathy, you have to be comfortable with your treatment. If you feel too anxious or are in pain you have to talk to your doctor about it.