Being Young With Cancer and Dating/Relationships
Comments
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Hi everyone,
I know many of you on this site have husbands and significant others who you have been with for quite some time. However, you are more than welcome to comment on this post as well (duh!). I just wanted to ask, for those of you who may be either dating or in a new relationship; how has that been? I started dating this guy I've known for about 3 1/2 years (as an aquantaince) about 2 months ago. We have been seeing each other about 5 months, but in the scheme of relationships that is a short time. I feel terrible because I am putting him through the ringer. I am hormonal because I am off my birth control (the oncologist recommended it) and obviously my emotions are a wreck being dx less than a week ago. I have DCIS, grade 3, comedo-type. Due to my age (23), I have chosen to go for a BMX with immediate reconstruction. I am scared for that first time (which probably won't be right away due to recovery and whatnot) that he sees me naked. I mean he says I will always be beautiful to him and that he loves me...but I am just scared for that day. More so than that, I am scared for the day I look at myself in the mirror. I have always prided myself on my body (5'1'', 103 pounds, petite frame all around) and have had a strong self-esteem. My fear is I look at myself after the BMX and I hate what I see. But I also know that the BMX is the only option that is right for me as I do not want to look over my shoulder for the next 10, 20, 30, 40 years. So I guess this is mostly just a vent about my fear with regards to losing my breasts and how I and others will react to it.
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I am sorry you were diagnosed and especially at such a young age. I am not as young as you at all, but I also would pride myself on my body a bit. I have been a fitness professional for years and am use to being in front of a full room of people in workout clothes looking at me while I teach class. I was also worried about my husband seeing me after surgery and my reaction after seeing me after surgery. I had a BMX with implants for reconstruction. I also had areola grafts, nipples and tattoo's. Now that I am done, I can't believe how good my surgeons were. They look quite real.
The interesting thing is my husband NEVER looked at me funny. For a long time when we were intimate I just wore sexy bras/panties and kept the bras on. He didn't care....he was happy. Now that I am done with everything, they look pretty darn real (except for the scars which have faded a lot and are still fading), so I don't mind being naked in front of him. My husband LOVES the new boobs. I went a little bigger - I am a D cup now. I was a B before surgery. My husband can't keep his hands off them. He even didn't mind the awful tissue expanders.
I guess through all of this I have realized that men are simple creatures. They love boobs....any size, any shape, any kind. If it's a boob, they like it. It took me a long time to realize this while I was going though reconstructinon and chemo. Invest in some cute cammies with lace trim at the top with some panties. That's what I did and I felt more comfortable in that. I could not wear bras while I had tissue expanders as mine were uneven - one higher than the other (thank God that was corrected in my exchange surgery).
The beginning of this whole journey is the hardest part. Take it one step at a time and vent or post questions here anytime. We are all BC sisters and we are all here for each other.
Hugs!
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MDG,
Thank you so so much for your input! I appreciate it! I am glad you understood my perspective with regards to all of this. But you make the best point, men are simple creatures....boobs are boobs. Haha
Thank you again! *hugs* -
Mgd~
Thanks for weighing in on a personal experience. I too worried about that. I am 40, mom, and nervous about how i/they will be looked at. I am trying to think of it as a new start, a new life, a new me!! -
Ok now nervous, decided on bmx, waiting on surgery date, bs said I would not be a candidate for nipple soaring because of my prior reduction ... I guess this will be new me....ughhhhh
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I did not have nipple sparing. I had nipples and areola's made. My results were good. Even if you keep the nip, you still don't have sensation. Some PS's can do some amazing work with very good results. Hang in there girls......my DH loves the new "girls". He loves when I am at the kitchen sink and have my hands wet with water....he just goes for it. GRRRR! Drives me nuts but it is better than a husband that could care less. I guess I still "got it"! LOL!
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MDG,
That is what I figured...why spare the nip if I can't feel anything (I know sometimes there can be a chance of being able to feel right?). Either way, I know the chances of having any sensation if I tried to save are minimal so why even chance it. They couldn't save my other nipple so might as well lose the other one lol. I guess you do still got it!! LOL
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Justegan, I see your surgery is tomorrow so I want to wish you a smooth procedure and recovery! Your youth will work in your favor and you will bounce right back! If you and your boyfriend can get through this, you can get through anything. I think it's a great sign that you have been friends for so long. The bond you feel with your boyfriend may be even stronger after this experience. And your breasts will look great even at my age!
Best wishes! -
LAstar, thank you...I am all sorts of anxious right now lol. I hope that my youth works in my favor (some odds can finally work in my favor haha). I agree, if we can get through this we can get through anything
. That is the comforting thing, that my breasts will look awesome for a long time haha . -
Justegan~
Hopefully u see this. GOOD LUCK !!
How everything goes great!!
Huge hugs
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I'm not dating or seeing anyone but after my bmx (6/20/12) a few wks after when I saw myself in the mirror it finally sunk in. I wouldn't say I have high or low self esteem either, but if he's comfortable with the fact you're going through such a thing then you don't need to worry
if it helps at all I'm 21 and still not happy but I deal with it. My reconstruction won't be till winter break. 
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There is someone quote here and I love it "yes they are fake the real ones tried to kill me". I try to think of it like that
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Dakota,
I love that quote! That is exactly how I have been explaining it to people!!!
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Justegan-
How are u feeling??
Glad to hear from u!!! -
Dakota,
I am doing very well considering it has only been a week since the surgery. I hate the annoying, groggy feeling I get from the pain meds but I have learned to not let the pain get ahead of me lol. Besides being tired alot of the time I am doing well. The drains really aren't that bad...milking them isn't as hard as it seems at first (I'm a pro at it now). And the only thing that sucks is that I couldn't shower the whole week. I used shower wipes and found ways around it of course. I also went to my hairdresser twice and they washed/blowdried my hair for free which was amazing of them! I meet with my BS today and I hope that my drains can come out but we shall see! I had the sentinel lymph node biopsy during surgery and that was negative for cancer cells so I am only hoping my final pathology report shows the same results. Trying to remain positive and hope that I won't need chemo since school is only a couple of weeks away!
How are you doing? Feel free to PM if you want instead but yeah. -
Dakota-
I think that's a great quote. -
Well thanks to Kate33 for the awesome quote
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Ughhhh.... I am really nervous for alot of reasons. I am nervous that something is going to happen during surgery. I am nervous to wake up and look down and see what I have ( I know the won't do silicone if there is lymphnodes involved ). I am nervous to take pain meds when it's just me and the kids.... I am nervous .... And I have to wait until sept 28!!!
I am do glad the lymphnodes were not involved for you!!! Fingers, legs, and anything else I can cross for you for the path report
Yeah !!! -
Dear Justegan,
Thank you for sharing your story. I have the same diagnosis you had. I am also contemplating doing a BMX with immediate reconstruction even though one of my breasts is still healthy. Did you insurance pay for the whole procedure? I know all plans are different, but it would help to know if that is a possibility. I was just diagnosed last week, so I have a lot of research to do.
Thanks,
Laura
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Kitty-
I'm sure you can do bmx. My friends mother had one breast that was healthy and she opted to do both sides. Might as well do both though. You never know if the other breast could be affected in the future.
last year I had a lumpectomy on my right breast but six months later I had cysts and tumors on both sides. Just my two cents. Good luck!!! -
Insurance companies are mandated by law (The Women's Health and Cancer Rights Act, or WHCRA) to treat the other breast and reconstruct it to match if that is what you choose.
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LAstar-
You are right! Thank god for that law -
Agree with everyone, thank goodness for that law. My right breast was the cancer one and my left one was healthy but I chose the BMX and am so happy with my decision!
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Glad you're happy with it
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Kathy-
What do we wear out of the hospital? Will I fit in my normal shirt, am I bringing a bra of any sort? -
Dakota-
No bra!!!! Just wear a tank top so it is easier to slip on (put your legs through and lift up versus over the head since you'll have drains. Or a button up shirt that's what I did. Don't worry if it does or not I'm sure it will -
I am 14 months out from my bmx with immeadiate implant recon. I went from a DD to a B. I love my new boobs. They are one big silver lining and i di not regret my decision at all! I had nipple sparing surgery and it worked out great :)best if luck to you! Oh, and my hubby loves them:)
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I am 14 months out from my bmx with immeadiate implant recon. I went from a DD to a B. I love my new boobs. They are one big silver lining and i di not regret my decision at all! I had nipple sparing surgery and it worked out great :)best if luck to you! Oh, and my hubby loves them:)
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Dakota,
I am not sure about your insurance but my BS gave me a referral to a medical supplies store where I was able to purchase (with it being covered by my insurance) surgical bras. These are compression type bras which are extremely helpful after the BMX...I was in a lot of pain in the beginning and having the little pockets for the drains was a blessing instead of worrying about pinning them to clothing. Just my personal opinion. I don't think my foobies could have handled the lack of compression during that first week. Dakota, are you doing reconstruction?
*hugs to you*
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