My mom:(

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mandapanda
mandapanda Member Posts: 105
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

I'm sorry to burden you warriors. But, my mom was hospitalized yesterday. She's very week, has shakes, very uncomfortable due to the liver mets. Her abdomen is so swollen as well as her legs and feet. Dr says her liver is failing and its effecting the kidneys now. I have to put down in words what I'm feeling I thought it might help. My mom is only 54!! Why!? I have a 3 yr old boy and 7 week old girl that are not going to have the greatest grandma. I don't know what I'm going to do without my mom. We are so close, I can't even explain it. I should be staying with her at the hospital 24/7 but I'm breastfeeding. My dad and other family are with her but, I want to be there all the time. Again, I'm sorry if this post is a trigger, I cant sleep and normally I would be able to talk to my mom about something bothering me.

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  • camillegal
    camillegal Member Posts: 16,882
    edited August 2012

    Mandapanda---I feel so sad reading this and can tell how close u r and u'r Mom is very young. There's really no advise that I can give--u are a busy mom now wir=th a tiny baby that needs u 24/7 but I'm sure u can find some time with u'r mom no matter how long u can stay.  U must be exhausted I can send u hugs in this time of u'r need--just do the best u can and u learned alot from u'r Mom and now u can be like that with u'r kids and u'r mom will always be there for u. Don't feel guilty, she would probably be the first one to tell u, u'r a busy responsible mom now too.

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  • exbrnxgrl
    exbrnxgrl Member Posts: 12,424
    edited August 2012

    Mandapanda,

    I am so sorry to hear about your mom. I have never been in your position but I'm sure it is difficult. There is a section on this forum for caregivers and family. If you read through those threads you may find others in similar situations who can offer support and advice.

    Caryn

    PS: we are not warriors! We just do the best we can with what we are dealt.

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  • mandapanda
    mandapanda Member Posts: 105
    edited August 2012

    Thank you, I did not know of the caregiver board.

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  • apple
    apple Member Posts: 7,799
    edited August 2012

    i wish you peace mandapanda... 54 is so young.  be with her totallly and love her.    Maybe you can take your baby and somehow keep her germ free.. I mean babies are born in hospitals.  I totally loved my mom too.. who very suddenly died at age 83. 

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  • sandiessoldier4
    sandiessoldier4 Member Posts: 27
    edited August 2012

    Mandapanda,

    I completely understand how you feel! I lost my mom a little less than 2 years ago and it is the most excruciating pain I have ever felt. I'm not going to say it gets easier but I am functioning much better than I thought I would without my mom. I have to! Like you I have small children and they need their mom! They do make it much more bearable as when I am with them, they are my only focus. All my mom ever wanted was to be a grandmother and she died when my girls were only 3 years old. She couldn't enjoy them too much for 2 out of three of those years as she was getting progressively weaker.

    I wish I could come up with some magical words to make you feel better but all I can do is empathize! I mourn and then I focus on being the mom and wife my mother would have been proud of. I talk to her everyday and truly believe she hears me!

    Your mom is here now. Treasure each moment! Don't feel bad about having to take care of your children and not always being at the hospital. Wouldn't that be what your mom would want! But I know what you mean also. You don't want to leave their bedside. Blah!!! Sucks, sucks , sucks! It's not fair!

    I will pray for your mom!

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  • lovinmomma
    lovinmomma Member Posts: 1,879
    edited August 2012

    praying for you

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  • tammie
    tammie Member Posts: 738
    edited August 2012

    Sending hugs to you i'm soo sorry your enduring this, this disease is soo unfare on our families and seems to know no age boundary... Its got to be hard as well to be a new mom and be losing your closest support system at the same time..The only advice I can offer is to try to be there as much as u possibly can around the needs of your new little one... I dont know if your aware but the hospital will often rent the breast pumps very cheap as we got one when my daughter in law came home and was having trouble with inverted nipples.. Those pumps work great IDK what your thoughts are on those its just a suggetion... Do make sure whatever decision you make at this point about how little or how much time you spend there with her you are totally comfortable with as it cant be redone and theres nothing worse than dealing with guilt on top of a loss... I can tell from your posts how close you and your Mom truly are, this has to be so tough when i lost my mother it was hell I still miss her.. Also i'm willing to bet that your mother knows how you love her and would be content and supportive with whatever decision you make... I soo wish i could take your pain away for you seeing somebody you love soo much suffering like this is the worse feeling in the world... Big hugs to you and do what works best for you and that precious little one to get through this as best as you can.. I dont know your mother but i know as a Mom myself I tend to worry bout my babies and grandbabies more than myself and can almost bet she will be at ease knowing your all o.k.... Positive thoughts and hugs coming your way..Tammie

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  • alicia_en_madrid
    alicia_en_madrid Member Posts: 149
    edited August 2012

    I am so sorry that you and your mom have to go through this. I can't add anything to what the others have said, but I do think they are right.

    I am 28 and my mom, who just turned 56, has stage IV breast cancer. I am also very close to her. I don't know how I will react when my mom's health declines, but I hope I can be strong enough to show her that I will be "fine" without her.

    When I was crying almost all the time right after her stage IV diagnoses, she said to me:"Alicia, do not cry now. I am here with you and I am allright, and when the time comes when I am not here, you have to keep living and living without being miserable. I gave you your life and I don't want you to give it back to me, spending all your time with me".

    I know that you mom's condition is probably harder than my mother's when she said that to me, but as others have said, you have these two beautiful babys who need you.

    Whatever happens, not everybody is lucky enough to have such a beautiful relationship with a mother or a father. Remember always that. At least it helps me a lot,

    Alicia

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