Does the looming dread of recurrence ever go away?

Give it time momof2inME. It took a long time to get over the boyfriend (or girlfriend) that broke up with you years ago too. Now I bet you hardly ever give him/her a 2nd thought. I also bet at the time you thought you'd never get over him/her.

Hi there:

  I saw your post and wanted to give you some hope.

I was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer, 7.5 cm tumor, positive nodes, ER+/Pr+  grade 3. I had a mastectomy, axillary dissection, AC/T chemo, radiation, 2 years tamoxifen, 3 years aromasin. 

I was 41 when I was diagnosed, premenopausal. Before I went on aromasin, I had a hysterectomy and oophorectomy which put me immediately into menopause.

I am now 49 years old and cancer free. So it has been over 8 years now. 

I  had scares of recurrance during my first 5 years post-dx .. I had several bone scans, a head CT, chest x-rays, abdominal ultrasounds. Everytime I was terrified.

But now, I can say, for the last 2 years or so, the fear of recurrance has subsided. I am almost complacent. I rarely think about it.  

I feel great. I lost over 40 lbs, people say I look great, the fatigue and chemobrain has subsided and am I living a full life.

So, does the dread ever go away? For me, I never thought it would, be it did. It started to fade once I was only going for follow-up every year and I stopped taking aromasin. It was like it was over I thought.

I still go for mammograms on my one boob, and I look after myself. But, the elephant in the room has shrunk to take just a small spot on the mantle, and not fill the enter room.

It will happen for you.

Just breathe

Wendy  

I finished rads on 7/19.  I feel so lost.  I just can't get over this feeling that it will come back. I am 40 was 39 at diagnosis and have 3 sons (15, 8, and 3)  I can't stop thinking that I won't get to see them grow up.  I put on a brave face every day and go to work, do things with family and friends.  I haven't said anything to anyone about how I feel.

 Thanks for the postive words. I hope I can stop dreading this soon.  I can't sleep some nights because I can't get it out of my mind.

I have learned to co-exsits with my fear...I know it sounds wierd. I will be going on three years of my dx....a pretty bad dx.......I really struggled, and don't get me wrong still have my days.However,  I did learn to give my fear a little time and then I let go of it!!  Yes will there  always be a chance this beast can return, yes.......So if we spend our precious life worring and  it never comes back and we die of old age............what a waste of life, right girls... ?? .Heres the thing,  I pray alot,  I ask God to carry the fear, because there are times I can't do it...most of the time, I take my worst fear and hand it over to Him....I am free I don't have to bear the fear. I just have to stay in this very day , moment and time. One day turns into a week a month a year, 3 years and so on........trust that our medicne did it's job, do what you can, and try to not let fear deprive you from enjoying the things in life that have always brought you joy!!! Do not let the big C win, You have already won the battle.........Now Live, really live!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God bless all my beautiful sisters!!!!

Steph 

Wendy:  Wonder did you have surgery first before any rads & chemo?  Sometimes with bigger tumors they opt for neo-adjuvent therapy.  How may pos nodes did you have?  If you want to PM me, plz feel free.  It is great that you've kept well for 8 years ~!  Every test for me is stressful let alone every check-up.  Tks