It aint pretty

silentbell
silentbell Member Posts: 266
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

I'll start by saying it was a mistake to tell my wife, sometime ago, how big five cm is. Not knowing can be blissful.  Now the last scan results were the first time we heard the word regression,  the treatment was working for the brain mets, but the liver had new mets and some regression in the bigger mets but overall metastic tumor load was undecided.  Last Wednesday we heard the same thing more or less only the shape the liver was in required a change in chemo.  It can be hard to understand the radiology report because of the medical jargon and my wife will scan it but she would rather look at the chemistry report and compare numbers with the new report with the last one.

After the impressions, which mentioned that the abdomen lining didn't look good (possible mets) and possible colitis in the right bowel (not a good time or place to get an infection), the scan was taken at 11:00 and the radiologist report was written at 12:00 and at 2:00 the results were discussed with our oncologist by way of ANCR - automated notification of critical radiology results.  This system is probably to keep from getting sued but still, critical...

My wife has swelling in the stomach and is very constipated.  While doing all I can to make sure she is ok, I have taken the report out of her folder and have no intention of telling her what it says.  After the last time when I explained how big the tumors were, I wished I kept my mouth shut.  I feel horrible about doing this.  Maybe not the right thing, but maybe the best thing... 

Right now, that's all I got.

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Comments

  • Travelingpants2
    Travelingpants2 Member Posts: 545
    edited August 2012

    Im pretty sure her Doctors wont keep any information from her, and if she gets in a situation where she feels bad/worse than she does, how is she going to know to be seen, if she doesent know whats going on..

    thats messed up to me.

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  • exbrnxgrl
    exbrnxgrl Member Posts: 12,424
    edited August 2012

    You are very sweet to try to protect your wife. I don't know her, of course, and perhaps she is someone who doesn't care to know the details of her condition. Most people don't feel this way and would even become angry with a loved one who withheld the information. I know I would be furious. It would make me feel like a child who was being patronized. But, you know your wife best and if you think that it's the best way to handle it then it's the best way for you and your wife. Caryn

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  • eric95us
    eric95us Member Posts: 2,845
    edited August 2012

    When my wife was told she would be needeing chemo, she asked what it was like for my fiancee. I didn't bother going into details.



    Eric

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  • silentbell
    silentbell Member Posts: 266
    edited August 2012

    Thanks you guys.  I was thinking if it was me I would want to know everything as well, but the fallout from explaining the size of her tumors has put me in this dilemma.  Traveling, the treatment is every week, so they will be seeing her often and the onc said to call in two/three days if constipation continues.  Shortly after while in the waiting room just before going to a chemo room,  the nurse practitioner (who often takes the place of the onc at appointments, though not this one) comes and finds us to say Hi and starts talking in a whisper so I get up and give them privacy.  When I ask my wife what was up, she said she wants me to call - anytime - just like the onc.  At that time I hadn't yet read the report.  My wife has been feeling better and has been eating.  I am very convoluted over this and I hope that damn swelling goes down.  On Wednesday we get the 2nd new treatment, navilbine/herception.  Holding my breath.

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