Starting chemo Thursday, May 31 - June Group?
Comments
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Pam: So glad it went well today! I am excited for the rest of your week because I think you will be pleasantly surprised! Also, I agree with Marcia 100% about the waitress in the restaurant. You are not responsible, or to blame, for others' reactions to your illness. She might have lost a loved one to cancer....who knows? But when someone has a strong reaction, especially an acquaintance, then that's their "stuff" coming through, not yours.
VVH: Hope you see your ankles soon darling. Sheesh, this thing is so much like a pregnancy in so many ways!
Radioactive: I am sorry for your troubles trying to start a family. And I am pissed that cancer has come along and is threatening that for you! (Sorry for the language....but this disease makes me so mad at times!) I am sorry if my comments about my relief to have the two that I have came across as insensitive at all. But I do empathize with you. I burst into tears today after I scheduled the appointment to get my tubes done. My heart wants one or two more. My brain (and my husband) says we are done though and should be grateful for the two we have. You seem like a warm and wonderful woman...maybe adoption is an option for you guys sometime later. You never know though.....people beat the "odds" that the docs throw around all the time. I have friends who conceived wonderfully healthy children following cancer treatments.
Marcia: I am finding that this cancer nonsense is enriching my life in unexpected ways too. And that irritates me. Cancer is the enemy right? But because of cancer I am becoming a better mother, wife, friend, and person in general. What the heck?!
Stephanie: I will try and remember to take pics of my kids' last days of school too. What a nice gift that would be...the two pics, side by side. I looked at pics of my daughter (now 9) on her first day of pre-school. She had long hair, with bow in it, and was wearing a dress and "girlie" shoes. My guitar playing, rock-n-roll loving, blackbelt in tai kwon do, tomboy would NEVER let me dress her like that now. My son, on the other hand.....haha!
You know what I discovered tastes amazing right now? Radishes. Yep, radishes. They taste so fresh, and earthy, and bright. I have been putting them on everything! Salads, sandwiches, etc. I plan on pickling some this weekend as an experiment. I hope they still taste good when this is all over. When my taste buds go back to normal, and this gross taste in my mouth that makes water taste like the sole of a shoe (at least how I imagine that tastes) is gone...I want radishes to still be amazing. I don't want to discover that they actually sort of suck and it was the chemo fooling me. Because for some reason, that's really important right now. Radishes.
*rolling my eyes at myself*
Last night at Melt (my social life....the restaurant I work in), we did Xmas in July. I was serving, which is a welcomed bit of variety. Well it was SO busy because of that darned Mighty Macaroni Melt and Great Lakes Xmas Ale, and I was running all over. Honestly...I broke into a jog more than once. Well, toward the end of the night, this older 'character' who was pulling my leg a lot and just being delightfully curmudgeonly, asked "Are you sick?". I raised my eyebrows, and he said "Do you have something wrong, an illness?" I patted my covered head and said "Yes, I have stupid cancer, and I am doing chemo, but it's ok because I am winning" and I winked at him and squeezed his shoulder. He replied "Well you sure have a hell of a lot of energy for someone with cancer!". I LOVE THIS SO MUCH! I count myself lucky that I am able to get out of bed every day and be a mom, and make dinner for my wonderful husband, and go to work and talk to fun people and laugh. So suck it, cancer! It'll take more than you to keep me down. Of course I will have some bad days...they are coming, and are unavoidable. But this has been the best summer of my life in so many ways. I will cherish it. In a lot of ways I have cancer to thank for that....but I won't go quite that far!
Ok, so that might not be as good as "poop", but I try to keep you girls giggling and smiling....and hopefully remembering that we are growing so much as a result of all of this. We will have the perspective and wisdom than most people will never achieve in their lifetime. We will take time to stop and appreciate the little moments in life. We won't take things for granted. We will appreciate everything more, and love more deeply. And when this is all done, and each one of us beat this thing into the ground, we will understand what is important. That we fought it and won...we won't care about acne, or constipation, or nausea, or numb toes, or hair, or fingernails...just that we won.
So really, each of us, we are winning. Every day we are winning this fight. Even the days when we are sick, and feel like crap. Even those days, we are still winning. But REALLY winning....not in the Charlie Sheen sense of winning. Sorry...couldn't resist! *giggle*
Love to you all! ElleBee
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Ellebee, our cheerleader! What would we do without you? You put your heart and soul into this post and have such a way with words. I had my last AC this past Monday, and woke up today feeling great and after reading your post, I'm feeling even better. Looking forward to winning:)! You're great!!! HUGS!!!
Hoping for a great day for everyone.
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Keep moving, Your last a/c Monday!
Ellebee, Where did you get your great attitude? Born like this and cultivated the rest? It is terrific. I am usually cheerful and happy but a huge worrier. I don't have pep and want to learn how to get it. I think it is part of energy though and I never had much.
I was thinking about you said. We will appreciate our lives so much more now. We are all different and changed for the better. Yes, I understand what you said, I did not want this new found appreciation to come through breast cancer.
I do have to admit it my life and perspective are greatly enriched. I am a new person now. I was always good but I feel like I grew up at 45! I really miss my health. I appreciate ever moment I feel good. I appreciated my boys before but I was saying things before diagnose like how was I going to survive summer vacation!!!! Sort of weird but now they are in preschool/ camp and I can't spend time with them. My relationship with my husband had improved but I did not want it like this. Surely, there could of been a different way to open my eyes.
Radioactive, Women do go on to have babies after bc. I read it does not cause anything further after treatment on the research site of this board. I happen to be adopted, and my sister too. We are not genetically related but she is my closest friend. I love being adopted as my parents told me they chose me special. At my age chemo may push me into menopause, but I did get a one day period last month. I am curious about this month. For a younger woman, it may not. When I think of all the losses associated with bc, I try to remember I am hopefully getting the gift of life at the end. Having children while fighting this has been extremely difficult. -
Pam - Thanks for the update! I'm so glad to hear that you're feeling okay.
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I had my 3rd A/C Monday and I still feel horrid. I'm drinking plenty of fluid, so I am assuming its from the antibiotics. My incision from my mx in may became necrotic about 2 weeks after my surgery and has not healed
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I have researched my high blood sugar and have come to the conclusion it is connected to the decadron.
I'm swollen and have gained 8lbs in a matter of days after losing almost 20lbs. I was so excited to be losing weight. Lol that was an upside to the cancer for me.
It's all just frustrating. I'm tired and tired of being sick. I just want my life back. -
Kimmie - I know just how you feel. I went through the same feelings after my 3rd AC. This treatment feels like it is neverending. I thought I would have a BMX and reconstruction and be done. Never counted on chemo AND radiation! I do feel a little better and am done with AC and will begin Taxol on Thursday. I hope you can find some peace tonight and do something nice for yourself. I'm sending you hugs from afar.
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Kimmie. I hear you. I want my life and health back too. You are almost done with a/c.
Marcia, I am on day two of taxol. So far I like it better. Too soon to say more. I too never counted on so much treatment. I need surgery than radiation.
Pam -
Ellebee - your comments were not insenitive, but they were a trigger. Thanks everyone for the encouragement, but since I will be 39 when I am done with chemo, had difficutlty conceiving and miscarriages before, and if I do tamoxifen you are not supposed to get pregnant on that. Some women do come of tamoxifen early, but "early" is 2 years . . . that would put me at 41 which being over 40 has a host of other issues including increased risk of birth defects. I'm torn on tamoxifen as I am only weakly er+, but also want to do whatever I can to make sure this doesnt come back. I told myself I would for sure do it for awhile since getting pregnant right after chemo isnt advised either. I think they said to wait 6 months or so. Also, I am trying to prepare myself for the worst. Research shows that about 40-50% of women in their 30's are able to go on and have kids, but age is a huge factor and my previous history doesnt help. Adoption may be an option, but I'm not sure how having breast cancer will affect my elgibility. It was something I never wanted to consider before, but may have to. Thanks for sharing your story Pam. My ex had 3 adopted siblings too - actually he was the first bio child and was a surprise when she was 39, so was his brother a year later. And I know going throught his with kids has to be harder. But a life without kids seems meaningless too. But maybe I am just meant to find another meaning. Sorry for being so emotional . . . still struggling with things.
Your comment about radishes made me laugh Elle . . . My hubby cuts up radishes and onions, mixes them and then adds lime juice to them. If you let them sit in the fridge overnight the flavors all start to blend and they taste really good. He also adds salt and sometimes oregano. In case you want another recipe. And I hope you still like radishes after this too. :-)
Pam - I agree that I appreciate feeling good like never before, and I'm not even sure I have felt as good as I am ever going to get. I had a period right after ac#2 and the other day I felt period like cramps but who knows. I heard most do go through chemopause, but a lot of ladies in their 30s get it back, but it seems very person specific. Mine were always pretty regular so lets hope it comes back quickly.
Yippee Keep Moving! Do you have taxol or taxotere next?
Kimmie - my 3rd ac was the worst, so I hope you are over the worst. Antibiotics can make you more fatigued and I can only imagine adding chemo fatigue on there too. Hope everything heals well now that you have the antibiotics. I want my life back too :-/
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Hang in there radioactive girl (love the screen name with all the tests we do by the way). I had 3 miscarriages before I had children, so I know the pain and definitely appreciate what I do have. Don't give up hope and take it one step at a time. You sound like you will be a good parent, even if you don't get there in the way you expected to.
Today is the first day of vacation...yeah, no work! We're just doing a little relaxed camping up at my mom's place on the river till I come back for round 3 of AC. For whatever reason, I'm still getting periods and today was the lucky day it chose to appear...coulda done without that! Anyway, mine don't seem to have gone away either. My temps are still on the brink of 100 degrees (but not going over) as often as not since I finished the antibiotic, so i'll be interested to see how my counts are this week. My toe still looks a little "off", not at all like before though.
Radishes...hmmm...I may have to give them a try!
Everyone have a great weekend!
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Tammie,
Glad you are enjoying your first day of vacation! Glad you are feeling well enough to enjoy.
Everyone, day three of taxol so far much better than a/c. Almost like a milder version. I will see how it progresses.
I admit, I am feeling worn out emotionally from this. I start obsessing on negative thoughts. The doctor said good things re my prognosis. Any advice, on how I can believe him? I think the hard part is the length of treatment. Chemo, then surgery, and I need radiation.
Pam -
Hi Pam, I too am just so emotional suddenly. Had my last A/C on Tues. Think we are just running on empty. After #3 got a huge cold sore, which I rarely get, just got it healed and now another one blooming. I had surgery, now chemo and then radiation..... gosh will this ever end!! People have said radiation is a snap after chemo. Hope so.
Kimmie..... I gain about 6 lbs. after each a/c then lose with in a day or so.
Radioactive..... My heart goes out to you, just try to take one step at a time. Live is so hard sometimes. Bless you!
Hope everyone has a good weekend. Love, Stephanie
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Stephanie,
You are right about running on empty. I am glad you are on Day five and will soon feel better. Taxol is so far better to reassure you.
Pam -
Pam: yes! I agree...running on empty! You girls have been to hell and back. You are physically and emotionally exhausted. No wonder you are more emotional. We can only be so tough for so long. I know you said that so far Taxol feels like half of A/C in terms of se's. Give it more time. The A/C is still in your system. I bet that in 1-2 weeks, all the awful se's from A/C are gone, and you have the minimal se's of taxol left. After what you have been through...no problem lady!!!
All my love to you and to all the girls starting Taxol soon!! And congrats to those of you who have finished A/C, or are about to! You DID IT!!!
ElleBee
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Ellebee, Thank you. You are right about the physical exhaustion taking its toll. I am glad you are doing well.
Everyone, to reassure everyone starting taxol I am posting day four on taxol. It is much better than a/c. I have some minor achiness. Strange as I never got any from Nuelasta. I can see someone else being functional on this. I am still getting my hemoglobin up...However, for example, I can take a shower today and with a/c day four that would be hard. I also straightened up my sons room.
Pam -
Good morning Everyone,
It's been a GREAT chemo week!! Of course week before treatment. So Billiemae was given a medical treatment team and they've all said that if her onc doesn't change her treatment that she can expect the same results...yuck! Some how I'm sure we will survive it together, I still have some black hair left to turn grey! With only 2 togo I have faith that we can pass this test!!!
Special thanks to everyone for your ongoing support and prayers, Ya'll Are Awesome!!!!
Steve
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Pam - I am so emotionally worn out from this too. I am not an emotional person and find myself being emotional over every little thing, which I think is just a result of being overwhelmed with everything - chemo is draining on so many levels. Plus I know for me it is so frustrating to not be able to do the things I want, if it is due to treatment or side effects or just plain dont feel "normal". It drives me crazy that I have to rest after doing simple tasks. I vaccuumed our small apartment yesterday and was breathing hard and had to sit down afterwards, sigh. And it seems like this has been going on forever, yet I am not even halfway through and I calculated it will probably be January before I am done with everything. As for the advice on how to belive you will have a good prognnosis, my thoughts are this - whatever is going to happen is going to happen. We can stress about it, or we can take that energy and have fun. It is so much easier to say than to do, but I try and have fun instead of stress. Yes, I take a cruise down the river denial sometimes in order to accomplish this . . .
Tammie - sorry about getting your period at the most inopportune time . . . I had one after round 2, but havent had one since. I did have a little breast tenderness and what felt like the beginning of period like cramps, but that was just for one day.
Oh and on my screenname - it is a combination of being radioactive after all the tests, as well as a play on Homer Simpson being Radioactive Man . . . gotta find humor someway. I have decided that my "superpower" is an increased sense of smell . . . everything smells so strong to me. And I can smell cigarette smell from a mile away, yuck! I would like my sense of smell to go back to normal though.
Pam and ElleBee - thanks for the encouragement on the side effects of Taxol . .. I'm getting Taxotere next, but I think the side effects are similar.
Steve - I'm glad Billiemae is doing well, and I hope that the side effects are milder for the next round.
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okay..made it thru the halfway point..3 tx down..3 to go..yahoo..the fatigue did not seem as severe this time..but lasted 3 days instead of two..better today..but don't think I'll go jumpin' stumps today..LOL
radioactive..I agree on the smell being sharper..things that did not bother me before are really yuck now..
Had the shot for the first time this tx..so far no bone pain..started the claritin the day of shot..either it worked..or I wasn't going to get that se...so far..so good..
wishes a good day to all..
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Radioactive, Thank you for your post and advice. You made me feel less alone and realize a similarity. I too was calculating when I would be done with this and of ourse it is exhausting and overwhelming to think about. Also, a/c really takes its toll. I understand about the fatigue from simple chores. I do one thing and rest. It is hard.
I do have good news. As the effects of chemo wear off, day five post chemo, my outlook is sunnier. I want to learn to enjoy the present more and not worry and obsess about cancer. You gave me really good advice. Instead of stressing over things you can't change, take that energy and do something you enjoy or try to have fun.
I think today I will try going somewhere good for lunch. BTW, the nausea and food aversions common to adriamycin, are greatly reduced!!!! I am drinking water and may enjoy lunch!!!
Doris, You made it halfway! You did good and sound good!
Pam -
I'm getting nervous that since I had minimal SE from AC, I will have a harder time with Taxol. I am thinking too much! I know I just need to wait and see what happens and hope for the best.
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Marcia,
Maybe, you just have more stamina and did not give in as much. The nausea and fatigue really is much less. I can eat normally again. I think and hope you will find it easier. The nurses told me most people do. Do you go on Thursday? I did experience some achyness. Not terrible. I iced my fingers and toes and they are fine. My thumbnails did hurt as I stopped icing a couple of times to type on my phone. Next time I won't do that. Pam -
Pam - glad it helped. I was afraid I made it seem easier than it really is. This is overwhelming and taxing on so many levels. DH and I have been fighting lately since I am so much crankier, sigh.
I am so looking forward to eating again. I mean being able to eat normal food. I had really bad heartburn and while I am craving tomato sauce, I am terrified of actually eating it, ah ha. I have been able to eat some fresh/cooked tomatoes, but I have been craving spaghetti lately. All food cravings I have had are fatty foods, ha ha. Ever since round one I have been eating plain lays potato chips - I am not a big potato chip girl either and if I am going to eat potato chips they wouldnt be the plain ones. Also I was craving a burger the other day, which was surprising because I have had a slight aversion to beef lately. but the burger tasted soooo good, but that makes me wonder if I am slightly anemic making me crave iron rich foods?
For the last few days I have had pain with swallowing, even water. I have been able to drink and eat, but have to sip water and take really small bites. I think it is a mouth sore way in the back of my tongue, but im not sure as I cant see anything. Oh, the joys of ac, sigh.
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Radioactive, Yes. Good advice. I know easier than it seems. I had my nice lunch and now back in bed obsessing. Funny, you should mention tomatoes, I have been craving salsa and chips. It did not bother me on a/c. I had the swallowing problem too. It went away. You could be slightly anemic. It brings the red count down too. It will pass.
Pam -
radioactive - I have had more red meat since starting chemo then in the past year or maybe even two! I definitely think it's because I'm a little anemic. I had some steak the other night that was amazing!
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Hi, my 4th AC is going much better than my 3rd AC. That seems typical for all of us. The big surprise is that I was a little weak for a couple of days with less stamina (that bugs me, too,) but hardly any fatigue.
Radioactivegirl, I hope everything turns out good for you concerning children. Yes, I'm starting on Taxol next Monday.....nervous, too.
Marcia1111, good luck this week on your 1st Taxol.
Pamelahope, glad you're doing well on Taxol.
Ellebee, never thought about that....AC possibly causing SEs for awhile when Taxol starts and then getting better later. Good to know.
StephanieJM, congrats on finishing AC.
I feel the same as everybody. If only I could have a week without thinking of BC! Hang in there. Just think in a couple of days, it will already be August!
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Hello everyone,
My blood count for platelets are back up so I am off to treatment #3. I saw the breast surgeon yesterday and will have to have double mast. about 3 -4 weeks after I am finished chemo. I am not thrilled but if it will keep me healthy I will do what it takes.
Stay strong everyone,
Michelle
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Keepmoving, it is so interesting how everyones fourth a/c was better than the third! I am glad you are doing well.
Michelle, I too will have a double mastectomy after chemo. I imagine end of September. I am just anxious to have all this treatment behind me. I don't want implants and am considering the Sgap procedure. However, since I can't handle any more procedures, I may see how I do without.
Pam -
I must be the only whimp not doing well on A/C #4. Totally beat emotionally and physically. Onc. nurse had said this would be the lowest point as my body can not fully rebound from each treatment so it accumulates. Said it would take a couple more days to reach the turn around point that I usually reach by now. Anxious to see what Taxol will do.
Glad others are doing well on #4!! Hope everyone has a great day. Love Stephanie
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In the beginning of my treatment I told the ONC that I had a vacation with my family planned for the end of August. If I had stayed on schedule my vacation would have fallen on my good week. Well I had to skip a week because of platelets being low and now it will fall when I am on my really bad week - first 8-9 days are aweful for me. I can barely eat and can't get out of bed. ONC said no problem I pointed out that would push me out 5 weeks for treatment. When I saw the breast surgeon yesterday she read me the riot act basically told me I was putting my health at risk and I should do the treatment and just go on the vacation. Of course I was in tears by the time I left. She also really pushed for the mast. even though in the begininng knowing my family history (mother had ovarian cancer, sister had breast cancer and the gene) she just kept telling me that I would be fine. Cancer was small, caught early and now it is drastic measures. I had made the decision to talk to her yesterday about my options and did not think she would be that upset about the 5 week gap in treatment. I told her why would the onc say it was okay she did not have an anwer for that. I really need time away and to feel normal I told her that and she gave me a hug but I am still upset. I don't want the cancer to come back but I am at the breaking point. I can say that at 4 weeks out I was still run down and feeling not so great - the small things make me have to take a nap.
Sorry to ramble
Anyone else take a break longer then 4 weeks 3 treatments into the process and make out okay or am I making a huge mistake.
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maa: my good friend was on her chemo regimen every 3 weeks. She skipped one at one point, and I think she had 4-5 weeks between infusions. She was FINE. She is 2 years out now and still cancer free, with no mx. I skipped a treatment too to go on vacation. My onc did not love it, but I told him I was going, that I needed it, and my family needed it. And if you are getting a mx, then the issue is about getting decent margins....so I am not sure that missing an infusion is a huge deal. But I am not an expert. And I see that you are Grade 3, which is the most aggressive/quickest growing cancer. Maybe they are worried that you could lose any gains you have made if you took time off. What did the surgeon say at the end of your talk? Was she ok with it?
Regarding your other issue of the Mx....it is SUCH a personal decision....so please know I am not trying to push you in one direction or the other. But if I were in your shoes, and I had a sister with the gene, a mother with ovaian cancer (which is also a stong genetic link for breast cancer), I would strongly consider the double mx. If for no other reason than to feel reassured that I would NEVER have to go through this again, and have a chance to live life normally....and hopefully to a ripe old age. I am opting for a bilateral mx for these reasons, and my genetic risks are much lower than yours. And I am not happy about it. But I am only 37. I have two kids and a husband who need me, and I need to be there for them. I want to see my kids grow up and be the amazing people I know they have locked inside of them. I want to travel with my husband. I want to see grandchildren someday. I want to accomplish a lot of things. The surgery gives me a closer guarantee.
I am so sorry that you are upset and overwhelmed. I would give you a huge hug if I could. Please keep us all posted darlin'. I am actually choked up right now as I type this. I feel sad that you have gotten conflicting information, and that you are stuck. I think the docs forget that we are HUMAN. We have emotional needs. And our families need us to be "normal" sometimes too. And going on vacation and feeling normal was the best week of my entire summer. I want that for you too.
I think you should call your oncologist, tell him/her what the surgeon said, and see what they say. The surgeon might be advising you without all the information. Surgeons are in the business of removing tumors, not shrinking/killing them. Your onc. would be the one I would be most concerned about. If your onc thinks you have made good progress, and is comfortable with your trip, then do it. I think the surgeon might be overstepping their bounds a bit.
I think I am rambling too. Sorry! I hope this post helps, and doesn't make your more stuck. *hugs*
ElleBee
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Ma, Ellebee gave you great advice. Especially, about the breast cancer gene. I have the gene and I am getting a double mastectomy. I never want to see chemo again! The treatment is unbearable but necessary.
I would rather see you reschedule your vacation then chemo. Can you explain to hotel, airline, etc. I know a pain but a thought. However, if you cant and your oncologist is saying okay. I wish we had a crystal ball in these matters. I do know I want what is best for your long term health.
Pam
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