Do you feel alone in this journey.......even tho you are not?

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Shayne
Shayne Member Posts: 1,500
edited June 2014 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

Since the moment of my diagnosis.....I have felt more alone than any other time in my life.  And ive had some shit go down well before this.  Even tho I have friends who have had cancer, a sister who went thru bc 5 years ago, a great husband who has been there for me, an amazing community of friends who love me.....I still feel alone.

It is me who has made every single friggin' decision on this path.  It is me who will deal with the consequences of all those decisions of treatment, diet changes, doctors.....yes my cancer survivor friends can relate, but they each have v different dx from me.... My sister doesnt live near me and has become a hermit, so we dont talk often.  My husband, keeps his feelings to himself so as not to burden me, but we are in therapy and that helps.  He just doesnt get it, and gets mad when I talk about recurrence, or even death.  Or when he questions my decisions.....like thats what I need, to feel totally unsure of everything ive done so far.  He doesnt get why I still have fear.....why I will have a cloud over me for the rest of my life, not in a depressive i cant get off the couch kind of way.......but in a pro-active, I eat this and not that, getting screening thankful for each moment kind of way.  

Im not sure if anyone can relate to how I feel......but it feels good to get it out there. 

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  • etherize
    etherize Member Posts: 423
    edited July 2012

    I know how you feel.  There's a special kind of loneliness that comes with a life-threatening illness, and sometimes even others who have the same disease feel very far away.  It's rare to find someone in the exact same circumstances, too.  So even if you're surrounded by loving people, you can feel alone.

    BC is my 2nd major illness, so I'm going through that feeling for the second time.  My husband has reacted to my illnesses by basically getting very busy with his life.  He plays music when he's not working, so he's always going to a gig, or practice, or some kind of big group activity involving music.  Needless to say, I feel totally out of place at these things -- if I even have the energy to go (which I rarely do).  One of my closest friends just sort of disappeared when I was dx'd with bc, and the only family I have is a dear brother who is wonderful but lives in another state.  So in actuality I am pretty alone, but even if I were surrounded by people, I'd probably feel lonely, just given the circumstances of having a major illness (or two). 

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  • Shayne
    Shayne Member Posts: 1,500
    edited July 2012

    Funny how people react to someone they love having cancer.........  Not funny, interesting

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  • wrsmith2x
    wrsmith2x Member Posts: 410
    edited July 2012

    I'm mostly tired of people telling me to "Buck up" or "Get out of the funk and be grateful you are alive".  Don't they think I know I am grateful to be alive?  Most folks just don't get it.  I read someone on here said the following and it hit me that it is the whole truth.  I wish I knew to whom the credit should go.  "If you have been there, no explanation is necessary. If you have not been there, no explanation is possible."

    Do things and get "better" in your own time.  And remember, with us, HERE, you are never alone.  Namaste'. 

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  • amontro
    amontro Member Posts: 504
    edited July 2012

    Yes, I'm the only one who knows what I'm going through. I've had people who have beaten cancer come up to me and tell me what treatments they've had and how they survived - as if their treatments will work the same for me.  I just don't say a word. How do you tell someone who has no clue that Stage IV is final?

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  • Shayne
    Shayne Member Posts: 1,500
    edited July 2012

    awesome ladies!

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  • purple32
    purple32 Member Posts: 3,188
    edited July 2012

    Yes Shayne

    I have never felt so alone.  I thought it was just me !
    Most ppl. I know share thieir DX. Friends and co wporkers know they have cancer and offer some kind owrds or support or even a " how are you ?"

    I have MANY illnesses, but LOOK the picture of health.  Because I did not do rads, nobody even knows I have/had BC. Virtually noone but a close friends, husband sister...no co-workers etc .. so I dont even get the " Hey, hang in there " kind of remarks.  Yet, I dont want this to define me. Many yrs ago, when DX with lung disease, I was at a different job with a different set of ppl.  I swore I would never again let anyone know my health status unless I had to.  I had so many ppl asking me questions, it became sickening.  And as a former smoker, ppl. can be downright nasty when it comes to lung disease.  But it is a lonely road to keep this a secret.

    I really thought that was why i felt so alone- living a charade.

    I guess it just comes with knowing, in the end, we are  truly alone with ourselves.

    All of us ( BC or not )  die alone- even if surrounded by family or friends.  It is an experience that can never be felt by anyone else.

    Hope this wasn't depressing- I wasnt trying to go there ... just kind of 'thinking out loud'.

    Take Care!

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  • WishItWouldRain
    WishItWouldRain Member Posts: 5
    edited July 2012

    I'm new here and this is my first post. I had to reply because yes, I've never felt so totally alone. I feel like I'm in a sort of glass cage where I can see everyone, but can't really touch the world they live in. I can't relate to anyone anymore, except people who've been through the numerous treatments that I have. It's amazing the distance I feel now from my husband, sister and former good friends. They simply do not "get it" and I'm regretably completely impatient about their minor issues. I hold those thoughts in, but just can't listen to them complain about having a cold or allergies or having a bad hair day. Thank you for listening. Glad I'm really not alone.

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  • Shayne
    Shayne Member Posts: 1,500
    edited July 2012

    Thanks for posting and welcome Wishitwouldrain!  

    In the beginning I definitely felt the glass cage thing......now, 3 mos out, Im kinda feeling back in the world again.....until something comes up, a drs appt, or some info I come across that scares the hell outta  me, or something as innocent as seeing a pregnant woman.....or talking to cancer with my husband.... he doesnt understand that this will always be in the back of my mind.  Im not dwelling, but it will be there......

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  • steelrose
    steelrose Member Posts: 3,798
    edited July 2012

    It's amazing how isolating this (or any) disease is. I guess accepting the fact that we are ALL alone, alone in our bodies and alone in our minds, is key. But expressing ourselves... saying "hey! I feel alone!" is so healthy and good. Reaching out and truly being understood, not pacified with sugar coated crap! I'd say "you're not alone," shayne, but well, you know what I mean! Thanks for your post.



    etherize... Happy to see your name after so long! Really hope that you're doing well!



    Rose.

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  • etherize
    etherize Member Posts: 423
    edited July 2012

    Thanks, Rose!  Good to see you.  I've been around, popping in on different threads.  BCO's helpful for those "alone feeling" times. ;)

    WishitWouldRain, the glass cage is a great metaphor.  Very true! 

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