May 2010 Chemo

Ladies,

I have been checking in from time to time but have not posted in a few months.  Sorry for that but I am trying to concentrate on everything going on around me.  

Kim, I am sending "angels on your body" (long story, don't ask, but it's a good thing) for your surgery tomorrow.  I will tell you that I had tumors in only one breast but opted for a bi-lat mx.  I got a little push-back from the surgeon, but I stood firm on my decision.  It was very important for me to be symmetrical.  I had always been small and never liked wearing a bra.  Now I will never have to wear one again! I got immediate reconstruction with tissue expanders (which suck -- very uncomfortable) and a year later got them replaced with silicone implants.  Later I got 3D nipple tattoos, so my mounds are smooth but appear to have nipples.  I'd say I am fairly happy with the results, but it will never be the same as having my sweet little titties back   You lose a lot of the feeling when you lose the breast.  The nerves don't ever really grow back.  And they are much firmer than I would like -- esp. my rads side.  I always say that if my butt jiggled a little less and my boobs jiggled a little more I'd be perfect!  Anyway, it was important for me to know that since I was having the trifecta (mx, chemo, rads) I was doing everything I could do to get rid of the beast.  I didn't want to be second-guessing myself a few years down the road if I got cancer in the 2nd breast -- and no waiting for the proverbial "other shoe" to drop.  Anyway, sweetie, my angels are with you tomorrow.

My life is pretty "normal" -- if you can ever call life normal.  I am still going to school, deep into the Court Reporting program.  People ask me about it and I tell them it's the hardest thing I've ever done -- and I've raised twins and beat cancer!  Court Reporting has about a 90% dropout rate!  It has been compared to trying to learn to become a concert pianist and having to pass a test every day at 95% or better.  It's neuro-muscular training and takes practice every day.

Besides that, my girls are turning 10 this weekend.  We are having a Movie Star Mystery sleep-over party.  It should be loads of fun.  I was able to borrow a bunch of Oscar Party decorations from a friend.  Each girl has a character she is playing and when they show up for the awards ceremony the golden statue will have been stolen!!!  Then they have their scripts to read and based on that they will have to figure out who the criminal is.  After that it will be pizza, popcorn, cake, movies, giggling and sleepover time.  I can't believe my kids are 10.  My hubby and I just look at each other and say "we're past the half-way mark".

My girls will be flying back east by themselves this month to stay with their aunties for over 2 weeks!  Larry and I are going camping in Idaho -- just like the old days.  I just want quality time with my four-Hs (hubby, hammock, hotsprings, huckleberries).  Yay.

After that we are planning to take a month in Dec/Jan and go to Guatemala and Honduras.  We will start the trip with a week in Guatemala staying with a local family while we attend Spanish immersion classes every day.  Then we have Mayan ruins, jungles and beaches on the itinerary.  This is to celebrate my 50th birthday and the fact that the girls will soon be at an age where they don't want to spend this much time with us.  This may be our last chance!

Kim and Denise, you are at wonderful times with your upcoming milestones -- wedding and baby!!! -- I just wish you were both feeling better and able to enjoy this time more.  They are both stressful blessings.

I hope all you other May-Warriors are doing well.  Both those who keep up with the postings and those of you who just lurk.  My love to you all.

Jennifer

Kim, keeping my fingers crossed for you today. Big hugs.

THANKS everyone!  I survived that surgery.  The pre-op needle placing a small metal wire into the breast so the surgeon could know where to operate was a ROUGH one!  Amazing how much we put our bodies through!  I closed my eyes and tried to picture what my grandchild would look like and how he/she would be running and laughing in the future -- kept my mind off what was going on there!  WHEW!  I'll know the outcome of the tissue sent to lab sometime this coming week.   The surgeon told my husband it was about the size of a quarter.   I got good drugs so I've been loopy yesterday and today. 

Hoping PackJen will post some photos of all those trips -- sounds wonderful!  Thanks for the love from you all.  I "think" I have my mind wrapped around the image of just dealing with the news if it comes out that I will have to have the breast removed.  For now, I am just relaxing and letting it be.  No matter what I still feel blessed because even if the breast goes -- I still will have had less on my plate than many others!  Will let you all know!  Much love!  Kim

Congratulations on your grandbaby Kim.  I know it must have been a very happy day for you.  What joy for your family!  I am praying for good results from your tissue analysis.   You are a strong woman with so much to offer your friends, family and everyone..

When I have fears and uncertainities,  I visualize being in my granddaughters lifes, as they grown and become young women.  This keeps me going past my fears and uncertainities.

Keep us updated on your grandbaby and send us a pic!  We want to celebrate with you!  

  

Yay! Big hugs to you, I am so relieved! Now you can enjoy little Dylan's arrival in this world, and you can enjoy life even more!

You aren't going to believe this but grandson Dylan had to go to Egleston Children's hospital the next day after he went home.  They worried that he had meningtis.  So he got to go home today -- cultures showed nothing.  He had run a high fever the first night home and had gotten lethargic.  So the last three days have been rough but turns out he was dehydrated.  My daughter-in-law was trying to nurse him -- couldn't get him to take the breast and according to those who had worked with her at the first hospital -- don't give him a bottle or pacifier.  Anyway, THANK GOD Egleston got things under control to where he is getting bottles of breast milk and formula.  Obviously he was on an iv with fluids/antibotics to fight off possible infection.  WHEW!  My nerves have been SHOT -- all week.  When to my regular doctor and got prescription for anti-anxiety mediction.  My daughter-in-law is not one to listen to others (other than her own friends).  She is a nurse -- but not a baby nurse.  Anyway -- they came home today and prayerfully Dylan is going to be just fine.  I am relieved on both counts but just worn to a fazzle as you can imagine.  Dylan is as cute as he can be -- looks alot like his mom -- has blonde hair and is just precious! 

I thought of showing you ladies how my garden looks now... this garden has done so much for my recovery, and has kept my spirits up for so long.

And it started producing about a month ago, so I am enjoying fresh tomatoes, cucumbers, bell peppers and mesclun greens daily.

Thanks DAY!  I'll have to figure out how to do that.  He is a cutie.  Your garden is lovely and it gives me a peaceful feeling just looking at the photos.  Patricia:  I pray that your sister's biopsy came back with nothing to be concerned about.  The pain of having to have a biopsy is plenty enough I am sure.  HUGS to your sister and you!  Much love to everyone!  I am on anti-anxiety medication for now -- Paxol.  It makes me very sleepy at times -- cut it down to 10 instead of 20 mg.  Hugs to everyone!  (P.S.  That Saturday after my grandson came home -- was well -- we had to put down one of my dogs -- UGH!)

Pat, let's hope there will be a reason for celebration! I am excited for your new work too, sounds like it's right on your alley!

Kim, I'm crying with you. Losing a pet can sometimes be harder than losing a human. They become such an important part of our life, and on such an intimate emotional level. The last dog I lost I had to put to sleep in August of 2006, due to osteosarcoma, and I am still grieving. They'll be there, though, all of them, waiting for us at the Rainbow Bridge. *hugs*

Patricia:  I know what you mean about them "already knowing" -- that happened with mine.  Still praying hers is not but at least she has you to help her with the walk.  Hugs for her and keep us posted and get her to join on a site here if she has this bad journey.  As you know, the support is wonderful.  My dog was a little red 10 lb. dachshund named Miss Scarlett.  She had been having a few health issues the last two years and had some over the years -- bad breeding -- not so sure she didn't come from a puppy mill.  We loved her lots and gave her great care.  She was a mess and very bossy and feisty.  But yes, she is at rainbow bridge trying to be the "boss" again -- I am sure.  I will have to figure out how to post photos of Dylan.  He is a cutie!  He has gained from 6 lbs. 1 oz to 6 lbs. 11 ozs. -- so happy.  Hugs to everyone -- we are having a HOT summer time in Georgia!

Sacophotomom:  Congratulations on your anniversary!  That is great!  Hopefully you can get in a wonderful special time for the two of you!  Glad the wedding went great -- and you all enjoyed yourselves!  Still have Patricia's sister in my thoughts/ prayers -- hopefully we will hear something back soon from her!  Sending love to you all -- am enjoying watching the Olympics! 

Pat:  Oh my goodness -- sorry to hear about your sister and yes that is hard at an older age but prayerfully she is spunky and will have good local support when she does her surgery and chemo.  I will keep her in my prayers.  If you feel comfortable posting her mailing address, perhaps some of us can drop her some uplifting cards -- if you think she'd be okay with that!  Hugs to her and you! 

Day:  Geez, you are right -- always something.  Praying that today went okay with the cortisone shot.  I am not a drinking person but generally I think we all should just become big time drinkers with these kinds of scares!  WHEW!

Hey everyone.  Just thought I would update you on my sister,(her name is Olga).  She had the double mastectomy a week ago today.  She is doing great.  Her pathology did show involvement in the sentiel node, and also an additional site in her breast that had not shown up in the mri, etc.   We are waiting for her treatment team to do a work up for her treatment.  It is still unclear if she will be doing chemo.... I suspect she will, but hope they do not think it is needed.

I am handling it well, and it felt good go be with her and help her through the surgery and many of the feelings she is having.  Thank you all for your continued support.

Day, I know what you mean about the meds.  Some days I am so very stiff that I think I will be so glad to finish with these drugs, but most of the time I am not in terrible pain.   I am sorry you are dealing with this.   On an up note your garden looks fantastic.  I am so glad we are all getting more rain.

Take care. 

I started painting again.

I guess I'm getting into fall and winter mood, when I won't be able to be outside in the garden anymore. I have a revision surgery on the 19th of September.Just the nipples and some fat graft (and the bulges under my arms removed).

I have been off Femara for about 12 days and I already feel better. Even Ibuprofen works now where Percocet wasn't doing anything anymore.