Radiation and wedding?

Lilimary · July 2012

Hi all,

I come in here in a search for some advices.

My mum has been very recently diagnosed with breast cancer (3 weeks ago). She lives in France, as does the rest of my family.

It took a while for mum to realise she actually has breast cancer and that she needs careful treatment. The first week, she tried to ignore/minimize the kyst. It is quite small and very early so I guess it is easy to overlook it.

She is now being treated in Paris, with one of the best surgean in a very supportive team. I don't think she could have any better care.

Paris is 5 hours away from her town but we have family there, so she will stay there during her treatement.

Surgery has been scheduled for Friday 27 July, and her radiations will start on September 10.

At first she did not want to get surgery before early September.
I am getting married in her town at the end of September, so she did not want her treatment to clash with my wedding.

She is very emotionally involved in this event. I am her only daughter, she has 2 older sons, but always said that it was different to marry a daughter. I met my fiance in Australia when I was 29 yo so it's a bit of a long awaited event ;-)

I told her she should get treated asap and we figure the rest then, not the opposite. It should not be the wedding agenda ruling her treatment schedule...

Now here is my question for you :
Mum will be 3 weeks into her radiation at my wedding. The wedding takes place in mum's country town - 5 hours away from Paris where she will be having her treatment. She would have 3 more weeks to go after the wedding.

Is it crazy to keep my wedding as scheduled?
I assume everyone is different, but can one plan to go to a wedding, especially daughter's wedding, during radiation?

I worry she will get tired from the travel, and that she will try and do tons of things for the wedding (she is not the kind to sit still).
I also worry that she will feel guilty and sad if we change or cancel our wedding plans.

I am at a complete lost. I thought I could do with views from ladies who are going through that difficult time.

Mum is lost too, she plan on talking to her anaesthetist this week and hopefully get more info about radiations.

I hope my post does not sound too selfish, I will cancel my wedding in a flash if that is the best thing to do for mum.

Thanks a lot for your advices
Lili

BLinthedesert · July 2012

How old is your Mom? Is she is good health? Active? If she is in good health, and relatively active, she probably will be ok. The fatigue is not constant, it sort of comes in "waves". I was able to live my life pretty normally during radiation. I worked full-time, ran 50 miles/week, and did my normal things. I was tired by the end of the week, but then on the weekends I napped alot and by Monday I felt pretty normal.

I traveled to a wedding the weekend before my last treatment (I had to fly there - about 4 hour flight). I was tired, but just rested during the day and was fine that night. I had a little skin reaction, but just wore a dress that fully covered my chest and no one was the wiser.

Congratulations to you, and good luck to your Mom.

bekkij1016 · July 2012

Hmm...this must be a lot for your family to absorb right now...and a wedding too! It's hard for me to answer your concerns. I had my lumpectomy March 20th then started radiation May 30. It sounds like your Mum will have a lot less time in between things. I attended a wedding 6 hours away by car 4 weeks after my surgery and did fine...but it wasn't my daughter either! I finished my radiation therapy yesterday and had no issues at all. However, closer together in time it could have been different. I'm not familiar with treatment protocols in Paris. My radiation oncologist said no sooner than 8 weeks after surgery in my case.

Praying for many years a happiness to you and health to your Mum!

Lilimary · July 2012

Blinthedesert, thanks for your reply, really appreciate your hindsight.

Mum is 59 yo. She is relatively active. I think she has slacked a little on exercise and nutrition lately and have put on some weight. Her work is very full on emotionally at the moment (she is a nurse and they are closing her department). She is on her feet all day so quite tired already, before any treatment has started.

The good thing is that she is on sick leave already. France has a great health system, so she will not have to work at all for the next 6 months. Which will allow her to rest and focuss on other thing than work.
She is specialised in breast feeding for new mums, so she does not feel like working at all... Obviously taking care of other women breasts is too much for her at the moment.

Bekkij1016, Thanks for your answer and prayers.

Apparently the radiation have to start 6 weeks after the surgery.
I really want to do the best thing for mum. The thing is we do not get married then, we will most probably cancel the wedding altogether (we are already married here in Australia).
We wish to start building a family and are not too keen on pushing back as I am nearly 32 yo.

I know this wedding will bring so much happiness to mum. Just need to ensure that she does not lift her little finger and just enjoy the moment.
We should be able to get her a really nice room at the location of the wedding so that she can nap before the cocktail/diner and go to bed whenever she feels like it.

I really appreciate your answers. I might translate them and show them to mum :-)

Cindyl · July 2012

I suspect prepping for the wedding will be a wonderful distraction for your mother. As long as she isn't trying to work full time, raise a couple of little kids and do wedding prep she should be OK. She may have a bit of difficulty with the long trip, but if someone would be able to drive her? and then there is the mother of the bride outfit. She may need to choose carefully to compensate for possible soreness and plan for the possibility that she may not be able to wear a bra...

Lilimary · July 2012

Hi Cindyl, thanks for your reply.

Thanks also for the advices re: the bra. I did not know that, and will tell mum.

Regarding the travel, she would either be driven by one of her sisters, or I will get her a train ticket in 1st class. Train are really good and cheap in France, very quiet and relaxing and she likes to take them. It is easy to get a good sleep in there, and you can get up and walk anytime, or have a drink in the restaurant wagon.

She told me the other day that the best time of her life was when she was around us and her grand kids (she has 3 kids and 5 grand kids) and when she was singing. So I think you are right about the distraction.

We would need to ensure that she takes it easy though and just enjoy the moment without trying to organise it.

bekkij1016 · July 2012

lilimary: I need to apologize...I misunderstood the timing of your Mum's treatments! July 27 Surgery and September 10 Radiation sounds about right! Mine was delayed a bit longer because we already had a vacation planned so I started after we got back. My doctor did say he didn't want to start later than 90 days post-surgery.

Kelloggs · July 2012

lilimary - I think your mum will be fine. The wedding is obviously something she is looking forward to and means alot to her, I would certainly not want my daughter to cancel. I was fatigued by the end of radiation but had very little reactions at 3 weeks. I was getting a little tanned but no pain. My mum actually passed away one week into my radiation treatments and I had to miss a scheduled treatment. It was fine, we tacked it on at the end.

Good luck to you and your new husband and enjoy the day with your family, including Mum!

peggy_j · August 2012

What a tough situation. Sorry that you're going through this. FWIW, I didn't feel that much fatigue the first four weeks of rads, but it picked up in weeks 5 and 6. (the fatigue accumulates). But that said, a friend hosted our annual Easter brunch at the end of week three and I was glad not to play hostess. So I think the key (easier said that done) is for your mum to set realistic expectations on what she can and cannot do. (otherwise she may get tired and/or feel frustrated by what she can't do. I think worse than the actual fatigue was my frustration by what I couldn't do due to the fatigue. really.). My "gut" instinct (if you care is that should go ahead with the wedding because so many plans have been made. It's a joyful occasion and could be a fun thing for your mom to focus on during Tx. (esp. if her involvement doesn't add pressure).

BTW, Kelloggs is right, that sometimes the RO can give you a break. I took a 2-3 day break (+weekend) between my full-breast rads and my "boost" to let the skin heal and let me rest due to the fatigue. My RO said that they used to routinely give patients time off (maybe a week?) with no difference in results. (he said the don't take a break now most for scheduling convenience). Maybe she could take a day or two off prior to the wedding?

Lilimary · August 2012

Thanks all so much for your very valuable inputs, opinions and advices.

I thought I would give you an update of the situation. 1st, mum has had her surgery and it went as well as it could. She feels great and very relieved. We all do

Wedding wise, my fiance and I managed to make the decision - it took us a week of hard thinking - to keep the date but change the location to my fiance's city.
So now the wedding will be a 50 min train ride from Paris instead of a 5 hours ride away!

In that way, we know that mum will not be tempted to over do it as she will not be the host (as in the wedding is not happening in her city so there's not much she can do).

We have lost quite a bit of money in deposit and had a very stressfull time to try and re organize everything from scratch at 2 months of the event, but I think we took the best decision.

I have just found out I am pregnant too - so it's a lot of good things for mum to look forward too!! :-)

BLinthedesert · August 2012

Congratulations!! So many big things in your life, how exciting for all of you!!! oh, by the way, aren't you supposed to get married "before" you get pregnant? Wink

I think that moving the wedding was a brilliant idea. I hope your Mom continues to improve and that the radiation will go smoothly. I will keep checking back to see how things are going, so please update us.

good luck with the plans!!

liefie · August 2012

Dear Lilimary,

I started rads on May 31 this year, and my daughter got married on July 5 in the last week of rads for me. I did not get rads on the wedding day, but had to go and get my last one the day after the wedding. Fortunately my skin held up, and did not break down. I paced myself so that I would not be too tired to enjoy the wedding, and I could help with a few things. Most importantly, I was there, and able to enjoy my daughter's big day with her. Your mom will have to be careful not to do too much, but it is totally doable. It is a good thing that she will now be closer to where she will be getting radiation. You sound like a very considerate person. Congrats on your upcoming wedding!

liefie · August 2012

Dear Lilimary,

I started rads on May 31 this year, and my daughter got married on July 5 in the last week of rads for me. I did not get rads on the wedding day, but had to go and get my last one the day after the wedding. Fortunately my skin held up, and did not break down. I paced myself so that I would not be too tired to enjoy the wedding, and I could help with a few things. Most importantly, I was there, and able to enjoy my daughter's big day with her. Your mom will have to be careful not to do too much, but it is totally doable. It is a good thing that she will now be closer to where she will be getting radiation. You sound like a very considerate person. Congrats on your upcoming wedding!

Radiation and wedding?

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