Why am I falling apart NOW, two months after surgery?

It's common to have a delayed reaction after Tx is over. It happened to me, even after I was warned. (It felt like the second shoe dropped. One professional said that, realistically, we can only process so much at one time, so it's common to deal with certain things during surgery and treatment, and then other emotions get pushed out, hence our delayed reaction when they surface again)

BTW, I remember someone asked a similar question before, so while you're waiting for other posts here, you might be able to scroll down or use the Search feature and find other good advice.  

Sorry to hear it's taking so long to see your counselor again. Do you have other options, like support groups or any cancer support center? My MO has a social worker on staff. Our support center can set patients up with a "buddy" so you have someone to talk to. I was afraid to go to a full-on support group (didn't want to hear other scary stories) but the support center has other classes and groups, like meditation, so you're getting help and meeting other cancer patients (so you can connect and ask questions if you want but at your pace, and not get overwhelmed). You got some good advice above. My counselor also suggested writing in a journal, and that helped me. It's a tough period but remember it won't last forever. Really. Good luck!

Maybe your BS or ONC can get you in sooner. I know when I needed to get in for an appointment to see a dermatologist my onc recommended they first told me 3 months. But I had a rash! My NP called and got them to schedule an appointment much sooner.

BTW you are not crazy. You've had a hell of a lot to deal with but never had time to deal with the emotional part. Living alone in itself can be challenging. I highly recommend checking out some programs in your area. Check out Gilda's club. Not sure where the calendar of events is but they do have phone numbers for you to call.

Hi, Liztish81 and all others on this thread-

L, I don't know if you will see my note as it's been a month since you posted, but I hear you loud and clear! I am only 5 weeks out of a unilateral mastectomy with DIEP reconstruction and I feel like I've hit an emotional wall.  I made a concerted effort two months before my surgery to line up a support team of friends and colleagues and they all came through while I was in the hospital and for a week or two afterward.  But I feel like my ship has left the safety of the shore and is slowly drifting out to sea as I am largely left alone to deal with my recovery and the every day ramifications of living with my right arm and entire abdomen out of commission. 

I also look and act like my normal self and I realize that my team feels I'm able to take care of myself. Problem is, when I'm out in the world I feel vulnerable and am constantly protecting my new boobie baby from the massive crowds daily clogging the streets.  The reality has set in for me that my recovery will take 3+ months and my issues must largely be handled by me.  It's damned scary.

What I'm trying to do is take advantage of the support groups in my area.  I live in NYC so we have many - actually went to a breast cancer meeting tonight and the members helped me change my mindset on some issues bothering me.   I also get myself out for walks to my local park where I read, listen to my player, and people watch - even went to an outdoor jazz concert by myself.  

Doing stuff on my own actually has made me feel more empowered and less lost. And then when the friends do come around I'm not harboring anger at them. I plan to get out there as best I can so I don't dwell on my own condition.

If you are reading this, Liztish, or anyone else going through this post surgery emotional turmoil, all I can suggest is to make every day count with or without a companion.  Have a goal - mine is to get back to work and to the gym - and engage in the activities that make you happy.  Make lists of things to do if necessary.  The more you do for yourself by yourself, the better you will feel and that aloneness will diminuish. Easier said than done but it has started to work for me.

Good luck.

I know how you feel youlooklikeyouneedabeergirl!  When does this feeling go away?  Ever?

I need to explain what happened - it wasn't just cancer. I
suspect it never is. Within 8 weeks, this is what happened:

Our oldest son, handicapped since birth, was diagnosed with
chronic kidney disease, end of November, 2007.

Next day, he fell and broke his ankle.

4 days later surgeon repaired the ankle with a metal plate.

Next morning my husband was dead.

I did what had to be done with funeral arrangements, getting
family here, etc.

Weeks that followed were hectic - writing thank you's and
getting our son to many different medical appointments.

We were also caring for my husband's mother (alzheimer's) in
our home for the past 3 years.

Skip ahead 8 weeks. I was diagnosed with breast cancer. The
surgeon actually smiled at me when she told me.  She referred me to the head of the breast
cancer clinic. He did not want to even listen to any input from me.

My daughter, worked in outpatient surgery at a different
hospital, found another surgeon for me. This one listened to me.

My MIL's only living child refused to help in any way with
caring for his mother.

Had bi-lateral mastectomy March 26, 2008.

Except for the first chemo, I just sailed through.

I have been taking Femara 4 years now with little or no side
effects.

After finishing chemo a good friend was diagnosed with bc.
She got through surgery and chemo too. Then, shortly after, she was diagnosed
with lung cancer. She died August, 2010. Another friend was diagnosed with lung cancer. She died June
2011.

It seems to me that I postponed grieving for my husband for
4 years. Now that grief has hit. I think I just need to work through it. My
oncologist and surgeon think I need to see a psychiatrist and want me on
anti-depressants. I have always been the one to "take charge" when the going
got tough. I think I can get through this too - without anti-depressants.

Thank you, Lago.

Thank you Elizabeth 1889. I just got good news from my MIL's nursing home. For more than a year they have been saying I owed almost $2,000.00. She has Medicare, Medicaid, and a supplemental Medicare policy. I have all her bank records from the date she moved to the nursing home in 2009. I have taken these to the nursing home many, many times. At last, the owners have decided to write off the amount they said I owed. Owners and accountants have changed several times since she became a resident there.