My mom has cancer

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jennietitmanxo
jennietitmanxo Member Posts: 1
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

Hi everyone, my name is Jennie and I'm 16 years old. Just two weeks ago my mom told me that she has stage II breast cancer. When she told me all I could do was breakdown. I was angry and very uncomfortable. I couldn't even give her a hug because I was so uncomfortable. This is all just so confusing to me. I don't understand why or how God could put this on my mom. My mom is one of the most religious women I know. Every Sunday after going to church she brings communion to several people who can't go to mass themselves. She goes to church almost everyday and is constantly praying and looking out for everyone. So if she does all of this for God why would he give her breast cancer? My dad who has done drugs his whole life, smoked 2 packs of cigarettes a day, and been an absentee father is healthy as ever. How is that fair? I feel so angry about everything. Yesterday i came downstairs to find my mom crying because she is scared. How am i supposed to console her when I'm scared too? I'm trying to be strong for her but it's so hard. I feel like I have no one to talk to about it. My mom also said after she has a double mastectomy she wont be able to raise her hands above her chest and will be in bed for a couple of months. Which means i become the care taker of my siblings. I know I sound selfish but its hard to be 16 and have to responsibilities that my friends won't have. 

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  • Kelloggs
    Kelloggs Member Posts: 965
    edited July 2012

    Jennie - bless your heart.  I am so sorry you are going through this.  I have 2 daughters who were 18 and 24 last year when I was diagnosed.  I can't imagine what they felt but I can tell you that whatever you are feeling, it's OK to feel it.  Anger is normal....but don't be angry with your mom.  She did nothing to deserve this, none of us did.  I believe God has a plan for me and for her.  He didn't necessarily GIVE us breast cancer, but He will help us through it.  It sounds like your mom will have a big church family to help you all through.  I didn't have a mastectomy so I can't speak to that but I'm sure someone will be along who has.  Stay strong but know that it's ok to be angry, sad, confused, scared, uncomfortable.....whatever the emotion.  Most women do very well with treatment. I had surgery, 6 rounds of chemo, radiation and hormone therapy and worked through all of it.  Things will be less scary when her treatment starts.  Hang in there and come back here anytime you need to....we are all here for you.

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  • eric95us
    eric95us Member Posts: 2,845
    edited July 2012

    My wife had a double mastectomy this past March. She was walking around the house within a couple of days after the surgery. 7 days after the surgery, she asked me to take her to a baseball game. A month after the surgery she was doing light workouts at the gym.



    What she couldn't do for a couple of weeks after the surgery was drive...because of the pain medication. But after she was done with the vicodin she was back in the driver's seat...



    She, I and our 14 year old daughter are scared...and we end up consoling each other. I've come to the conclusion that it's OK if I'm not always strong. Every now and again at work I'll have to get up and go be by myself for a few minutes...so no one sees my tears....



    The other thing I discovered is that the first few weeks have been the worst...so many questions and so few answers...which "allowed" my imagination to run wild with all sorts of scary thoughts. Once treatment started, more answers came in and my scary thoughts became less...not gone..just less....



    We're here...for you and each other.

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  • FilterLady
    FilterLady Member Posts: 407
    edited July 2012

    Jennie....

    I understand that you are scared.  Don't be afraid to let you Mom know that you are scared for you AND for her.  In my case, the diagnosis of bc was harder on my family than for me.

    I didn't have a mastectomy but I can tell you that once your Mom gets all the info concerning her diagnosis and upcoming surgery, it'll be easier to understand.

    God is not punishing you or your Mom.  I believe that God gives us all challenges and I believe that bc is one of mine.  It certainly has opened my eyes to what is and is not important in my life.

    You Mom has a good support system and that is important.  It'll help her have a positive outlook, which goes a long way in the recovery process.  

    In the cancer center where I live there is a counselor available for patients and their families.  Perhaps it would help you to talk to someone.  Me and my husband are also active members of our local breast cancer support group.  The ladies (and men) are a tremendous amount of support for us too.

    God bless y'all,

    LaDonna

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  • Traci-----TripNeg
    Traci-----TripNeg Member Posts: 2,298
    edited July 2012

    Hi Jennie,

    First, I'm so sorry that you, and your Mom, have to experience breast cancer. It sucks. It's scary, and it is ZERO fun.

    Did you tell your Mom about this site? I found it when I was newly diagnosed and I can't tell you how helpful it was. And, still is.

    Stick around; read some posts. Encourage your Mom to do so. I think if you do the fear you are feeling will dissipate. 

    I drove myself 62 miles to my Dad's church just a few days after my double mastectomy. It's very uncomfortable, but very 'doable'. (That's a word that's used a lot here. :) 

    There are literally, 10's of 1,000's of similar stories.  There are many sad stories as well, but oh so many good and encouraging ones.

    I'm glad you found the site. My best advice to you is to just let your Mom know you are there for her, (then be there for her) and then practice your listening skills like you never have before. That's all we really want, is to be heard, and to be understood. Well, that and a cure.

    (((((hugs)))))

    Traci

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