This isn't a secret...

How could he be in denial?  Every painful cancer nightmare that he carefully buried over the past 7 years has been brought back to life.  That hurts.  Yet, he's still there with you..he must care for you very much....

Ask him if "he didn't think it was appropriate for hime to bring it up" or if "he didn't think it was appropriate to bring up right then". I agree with Susan that he most likely didn't want them feeling sorry for both of you.

Eric

charliegirl, we're all different, but I'm kind of surprised at your reaction to your BF, who seems like he was being very considerate of both your privacy and the fact that you'd just met his friends.  Dropping the fact that you have bc on anyone you've just met seems a bit odd to me, and especially awkard in view of him losing his wife, who these people also knew, to the disease.  

I can totally empathize with the separation you felt from what was going on, especially if you're currently in tx.  And it would have been nice if your BF had been more in tune with that.  But I think it's hard for anyone -- no matter how close they are -- to understand how we feel a lot of the time, especially when people seem so occupied with stuff that seems silly compared to your reality.  But I think your BF did the right thing by not immediately sharing such a personal thing with people you just met -- no matter how well he knows them.  

And I agree with you that it's more appropriate for him to tell them than you.  But later -- not the first time they meet you.    

JMHO...  (((Hugs))), and sorry it upset you the way it happened...   Deanna

The quitting smoking is a good thing... :-)



Is your BF trying to figure out how to deal with your breast cancer and the "wounds" left from his wife dying of breast cancer?



Eric

You are in a difficult situation because you will likely need a lot of emotional support as you go through treatment yet your boyfriend may not be emotionally able to give you all the support you need because of what he has been through.



Yes, you are the one with cancer and your needs are very important, but your boyfriend has a lot to cope with as well, more so than if he had not experienced a loss from cancer.



I hope you have other people in your life who can help and support you as you go through treatment.



When the time is right, hopefully you and your boyfriend can have an honest conversation about how you can get through this together.



I agree with other posters that you don't need to tell people about your illness as soon as you meet them. You want to be known first for yourself, not as the person with cancer. It is not dishonest not to disclose this to people you just met.



This site can be a great source of support and friendship so keep in touch.



Good luck with your surgery and treatments and giving up smoking.

i know the original post was days ago. Just wanted to share that when I was newly dx, we went to a family reunion in the same month. My mother-in-law had told relatives about me. When I got there people were coming at me saying "were so sorry, you are in our prayers". I was so pissed! It was all very new to us and we told the people that we wanted to know. The last thing I needed was a crowd of relatives, no matter how well meaning to rush at me and talk about it. I recall making a hasty retreat and spending the day in our van hoping to avoid more talk. I needed to deal with the news first before I wanted to tell people in a way that I can control.



Anyway I hope things are better between you and him. I think too he was considerate in not telling people that you just met of your diagnosis.