Surviving insensitive, thoughtless co-workers

Claire, from what I can see in your other posts (which I've enjoyed!) you are an incredibly positive and proactive person.

Try to remember that people often respond in us what they least like in themselves. What I realized with cancer is that people's responses in fact had so little to do with me, it had more to do with quelling their own fears or selfishness.

If I were in your shoes, I would consider a very direct, but polite email outlining her misconceptions. I find her responses dangerous and off-target, I'd want to put it in writing. (I'm a university prof, too--doesn't seem like that's much protection from dolts!)

claireinaz - you hold her down, I'll whack her!

O.K. What do we know? She's a b*tch, aggressive, and insensitive. It must really suck to be her.

Before you had BC, did you ever run across any other faculty members who fit that description (male or female)?

And how would you have handled it before?

What happened in NYC was really not right, but you can't legislate compassion. What you CAN legislate is a non-hostile work environment.

She is probably the kind of person who expects everyone to get on board with whatever she is mandating at any given moment. And your silence, instead of recognizing it as the exhaustion it was, was probably taken as your intended lack of active participation, or some other criticism of what she was proposing.

LtotheK has a good suggestion - putting your responses in writing, assuring her of your commitment to whatever project you are working on for Fall semester, and politely asking her to refrain from making snap judgments about your ability to be a team player.

Just be careful about what you put in writing. It can come back to bite you.

If your experiences with her continue to be hostile in any way, you have several choices.

You say everyone else in your department has been wonderful...how about your department head? Would he/she be able to intervene as sort of a warning to this other person? And a reminder to her of what a valuable member of the team you are?

What about an Employee Assistance Program on your campus? The EAP rep can listen to your concerns, and take the appropriate action for you, either discussing it with your department head, or going straight to the other faculty member.

And finally - there is HR. A hostile work environment or workplace bullying is against the law.  Most universities will do anything they can to avoid these types of issues. Ultimately, the law is on your side.

Document everything. Write down a detailed description of what happened in NYC. Keep good records of all communication you have with this person.

In my head, I am imagining you recovering and feeling better over the summer, and finding out that this woman is just abrasive, not mean. You may even find that you like working with her.

Or not. In any case, I am SO sorry you went through such hurt. It's not right; it's like being kicked when you're already down. Big hugs to you!

p.s. I speak from experience.....25 years as a University counselor.