Care Giver for Mom with Breast Cancer

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WestAllis
WestAllis Member Posts: 1
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer in December 2011. She is currently undergoing chemotherapy and hopefully only has one more treatment left.

She started chemo in February. For about the past 2 months she has literally become a couch potato. She stays in her recliner 24/7 watching tv. She won't read, do puzzles, listen to music, or anything else she once did. Even though her doctors and nurses tell her she should try to get some exercise, she refuses to do it.

She rarely eats. If I ask her what she ate she will lie and tell me something she ate when she really didn't.

The doctors and nurses tell her how important nutrition is and recommend foods for her to eat. She has me buy all of the recommended food, but she never eats it. I buy her things that are easy to prepare and all kinds of snacks that I put within arms reach of her chair, but she still won't eat. Unless someone takes her to a restaurant, she won't eat. At restaurants she will eat a normal size meal. If I bring the same meal home to her she will pick at it.

She has also slowed down on the amount of water she will drink. I think she does not want to get up and go to the bathroom, so she tries to drink as little as possible. Even though she will complain that she is thirsty or hungry, she won't take care of herself.

Everyone has tried to talk to her and she says she will try harder she still won't eat. She has lost about 30 pounds so far.

Any ideas about what I can do?

I'm really tired of calling her and asking her what she ate, just to go to her house a few hours later or the next day just to discover she has not eaten.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited June 2012

    Hello WestAllis, and welcome to BCO.

    We're sorry that your mother and you are dealing with this difficult situation. Until other members post with their own experiences and insights, you may find helpful information at the main Breastcancer.org site, in the extensive section on Nutrition - just follow the links to each area.

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  • thatsvanity
    thatsvanity Member Posts: 391
    edited June 2012

    Gosh I wish I could help, everyone is so different when they are sick. Maybe you can let her doctor know and they might be able to prescribe some medication that might make her feel better so she will want to eat. Maybe she is depressed and she just can't eat with happiness. I know when I'm depressed or very fearful I quit eating. I'm sure her doctors can help. Good luck to you, you sound like a kind and loving daughter.

    Love Amy

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  • thatsvanity
    thatsvanity Member Posts: 391
    edited June 2012

    Gosh I wish I could help, everyone is so different when they are sick. Maybe you can let her doctor know and they might be able to prescribe some medication that might make her feel better so she will want to eat. Maybe she is depressed and she just can't eat with happiness. I know when I'm depressed or very fearful I quit eating. I'm sure her doctors can help. Good luck to you, you sound like a kind and loving daughter.

    Love Amy

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  • Wren44
    Wren44 Member Posts: 8,585
    edited June 2012

    Let her doctor know you think she could be depressed. Refusing to eat or drink even when hungry or thirsty can be a symptom of depression. Is there a social worker or counselor at her cancer center? Does she have anyone else she can talk to? She might not want to worry you with her thoughts, but it would probably help if she shared them with someone. Medication can really help with depression - and a few medications make you really really hungry. Maybe try to make it less of an issue. Provide food she likes, but let her decide whether to eat it. It's really frustrating when you feel like you're doing all the work and the other person is not doing their part. Good luck. I hope she feels better soon.

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  • SheChirple
    SheChirple Member Posts: 954
    edited June 2012

    It sounds to me like your mother is suffering a combination of fatigue from chemotherapy combined with a certain level of depression.  This is normal, but should be treated.  Please go with her to her next appt and see if you can get a word in with her doctor.  There is no shame in depression.

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  • camillegal
    camillegal Member Posts: 16,882
    edited June 2012

    This is such a difficult time for u both and is she telling u why she isn't eating or just pretends all the time--Sometime food tastes horrible even tho u always liked it before  I know using plastic utensils helped. And she could very well be depressed is she taking anything for it? And believe it or not putting things in a microwave can seem like an effort. If u'r Mom lives alone everything can be an effort---maybe when she's done she will be better but for now all u can do is tell her Drs. again and find out if she's taking an antidepressant and buy those nutritional drinks and watch her drink it. I'm sorry I'm not more help. I hope u can help u'r Mom u r a kind dgtr.

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