If you have kids how did you explain to them....

I'll copy here my reply in your other post. I think I was typing as you were deleting it. I believe the topic will stay there and just show a deleted post, so you may want to watch both threads.

I would keep it simple and tell her something along the lines of Grandmas breasts got sick and they are making them better. At 5, this should be a concept she can understand.

I've told my 10 year old basically the same thing but with a bit more detail. I try not to give him more information than he asks for. I don't want to overload him or stress him out. He seems content with the simple answers most of the time and if he wants to know more he will ask.

Best wishes to you, your mom and your little girl.

Kimmie,

Hi.  My kids were 2 and 3 when I was diagnosed.  I had a bilateral mastectomy and no reconstruction.  

My 3 year old daughter had a lot of questions, and I never hid my body from her.  She saw the various stages of healing and we talked about them along the way.  

She's 5 now, and she's seen me naked a bazillion times.  She knows that my breasts are gone because of the cancer.  That's a concept she has been able to understand on some level since she I was diagnosed.  Her questions change as she gets older, but even at 3 she "got it" when it was explained in simple terms.  

I don't know how open your family is with bodies, and I'm sure it's going to be different with it being grandma, not mom.  Is your mom in a place psychologically where she can comfortably answer questions from a 5 year old?  That's important.  My daughter was about the only one in the world whose questions I would answer at first, but if your mom doesn't want to answer those honest little-kid questions then I don't know what I would do.  If your mom can handle them, then I'd tell your daughter in simple terms - grandma got a sickness in her breast, the doctors are helping her get better but they had to remove her breast.   

We read a ton of books, and they really allowed my daughter to voice some worries that she had.  The problem is I can't think of any that weren't written from the perspective of a family where the mom has breast cancer, not the grandma.  One of the things that was very clear during the whole process is that my daughter noticed a lot and worried about a lot of things.  I think it was better for her to know she could talk about her worries than having tried to keep things from her.

I hope your mom does well.  If your daughter is going to be around her when she's immediately post-op, make sure she has some pillows to surround her chest with.  That way, your daughter can still hug her a little without the fear of banging into an incision. 

I actually wrote a childen's book called, "When Our Mom Had Cancer".  Not trying to sell it to you just letting you know there are a few books out there that you can order online.  You could also do a search online to see what pops up.  While my book is about a mom and her children it can also be used to explain what a relative will go through and what cancer is.  Being a teacher/counselor/learning consultant I automatically use books to explain difficult concepts to children.

When I was diagnosed in 2006 I found very few books that explained cancer to children in a non-threatening way so I wrote one. (see my signature line)