Fuzzy's Romp Room
Comments
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Dune I quit on January 1st 2008. So it has been almost 4 1/2 years... Are you using anything to help you stay quit?
Cindy -
No Cindy. When I am feeling strong, I take deep breaths and suck down some water. When I am feeling weak, I obsess about smoking. I always seem to have cravings far longer than most normal human beings. That is why I gave up quitting before the dx. I would get to 6 months and still be going nuts for a cigarette. Amazingly enough, I actually don't even enjoy smoking. LOL. Even though this is my normal pattern, I am kind of surprised that I would crave them so badly 4 months after a cancer dx.
Oh, enough about me. Way to go Cindy!!!
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Dune, I quit for the 3rd and final time almost 20 years ago. I can still remember how horrible those cravings felt. To this day I would not trust myself to have even a puff. Quitting was so hard that I never want to go through it again. They told me that you have a limited number of cravings. Each one you stare down is one less. That helped me along with deep breaths and a lot of water. Keep trying, you can do it.
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I never enjoyed smoking either. Ugh. I quit for the last time when daughter was seven or so, so 20 yrs ago for me too. I feel so bad for the second hand smoke we exposed her to. Now she smokes, go figure.
When I quit for the last time, I used hard candies and unbuttered popcorn to help out and I did eat more and gained weight, but was worth it to stop smoking. But now I would use flower essences.
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Thanks wren and Essa. Flower essences. I really need to get to Whole Foods and get some Rescue Remedy. A friend told me I could get it there.
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I had a good cry just a little while ago. I was talking to an old friend about my cancer. I just broke down. The first time around was hard but at least I didn't know what was going to happen, for example chemo. This time i know what to expect both mentally and physically plus more. I don't know how I am going to get through it. I am going to lose both breasts, my hair and my independence. I don't know what I am scared of the most. I feel like after being NED for 2 1/2 years and just starting to feel somewhat like my old self, its being taken away from me again. I don't feel like I am ever going to be me again.
I guess I have to find my big girl panties and get to ready to fight. Enough pity party.
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veggy, you have my prayers always. Sending you love and hugs. Rest well.
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VEG, you just go thru it, just go thru. Do not hesitate to ask for pain killers. I hope length of chemo is shorter this time.
DUNE, I find myself caring about you more and more. We had a little yellow canary, he was getting old, husband carried him down the hall where I was, just in time to see his little soul leave his body, I swear. Have you got other pets? When I quit for ten years, found a plastic big-bead neclace around the house, it stayed in my hands, that and gum. Your picture is reminding me of Bonaroo 2004, I put a link to part of the documentary before, here it is again:
Last few days, did laundry, took shower, did groceries. My upper back injury started hurting a few hours before dinner with our folks, so when we got home, husband goes, "I'm trying to remember when we got mugged and beat up." Bought some doggie shampoo at a special store with natural products, found a great one they can't keep on shelves cuz it goes so fast. Poor Smokey itches a lot, allergy. I've taken to calling the beast just Smoke. Love sisters, GG
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Veggy- the BMX decision is a tough one to make, then a tough one to live with. I can't tell you how many different emotions ran through my head, and how many times I cried. There are ups, and there are downs. But you'll get through. Sometimes waiting is the toughest part. Then it's over... Many hugs for you today (and always)
Still have this damn headache. My husbands family told me yesterday they thought I had the "anesthesia blues". I never heard that one before. But I made fun of the situation. Let his cousin (female) feel me up and squeeze my new boobies. At this point, I just have to laugh. Or I'll drive myself crazy and cry... -
I'm going through with it. I have to. I'm just scared. I know the operation will go just fine. Its everything after that. I didn't get much sleep last night... maybe 5 hours off and on.
Cancer sucks!
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Veggy...............Your in my prayers.............Lord isn't once enough......................when does it end...........hugs..........
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Dune. When I quit back in 1996 and stayed quit for almost two years I was fine until after about 18 months and then I was obsessed with them. I did enjoy smoking but now I can not stand the smell of it or anything else about it.... This time when I quit I had very little trouble and didn't really think about them much at all....
When did you quit?
Cindy -
I can't stand smoke either, am very sensitive.
The onc --- like the bs did --- is going to recommend a BMX, he and GP have told me there is a mass where the other one was (I am multifocal and the bs left a positive margin) sooooooo I am in denial, I will stay that way until they prove it w every test they have. 10 tests are coming in next week. They keep looking at the boob, but don't want to face that I had it in lymph nodes too, so are they going to want to cut off my arm too?????? but it is still called breast cancer and I have to push to get the ultrasound for both axillas. But it is on the order now for both axillas.
edited to delete comments about cupcakes. they are entertaining of themselves.
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Hi GG. I have 3 birds left. Perhaps after tomorrow it will only be 2.
Here is a short video of Puff and Soebe:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_IksqeboJbo Here is a short video of Peaches:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7CxfYfckRvo I am sorry about your canary. That is hard. I have lost a few birds over the years, and I don't think I will get any more. I hate this part of it. I hope you enjoy the videos.
Oh, and I'm going to check out your documentary. I felt like putting that picture up because the other one just didn't look like the way I have been feeling. This looks like the way I have been feeling. I hope to put something nicer up there soon.
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Veggy I am just so sorry that you have to go through this shit again. Maybe this is why I keep wanting to jump off the Key Bridge. It is very near me and it has really begun to scare
me. So anyway, we all know this is not the answer. This means the answer is to keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep asking for the support we need -- and giving it when we are able. I am seeing a therapist now, and I think it is really helping. You have my best wishes and my prayers, veggy, as do all of you here, those struggling and those thriving. You all mean so very much to me. You all really help me get my big girl panties on so that I keep putting one foot in front of the other. I hope one day life will be more than that, but for now, this is the best I can do, and so I will do it.
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Cindy, I quit February 11th, 4 days after finding the lump. I started by using Commit lozenges, but then I read that I should have NO nicotine of any form for a month before the surgery, that it can cause the alloderm to die. So I stopped the lozenges maybe about 2 weeks before the surgery. I don't know why I continue to crave for so long. I am OK if I just make up my mind that it is not a possibility. So, why might I be telling myself that it is possible to smoke when 1) it would be very bad for my health and 2) I literally cannot afford it financially. My mother would kill me if she found out she was lending me money that I was using to buy cigarettes. I mean, I would have NO need of that Key Bridge. My mother would KILL me.
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Today I had the best form of medicine... my 2 1/2 year old nephew. i haven't seen him for a whole year. He came right to me and I kissed his whole face. He later led me to the stairs and we sat together on the first step. He sang to me for the longest time. He sat on my lap, played with my hair and sang. I felt calm, so calm. Right now he owns my heart. Later on he was crying and he let calm him down. Then he snuggled beside me and calmed down.
He was born shortly after I finished chemo in 2009. I wanted to know who had more hair, him or me. He beat me. He had my heart then and he continues to hold it. I have no other nephews or neices.
I get to see him again tomorrow.
Hugs
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Veggy...............Good for you..........enjoy your time with him.
I'm headed to my daughter's this morning....been up since 5am.......she is having problems with dizziness, and went to the Dr. yesterday....she asked if she should go to her PCP.........I told her.....go to a specialist ENT, and she did..............he gave her several types of medicine to take, and she is having a balance test done in about 3 weeks.......(best appt. she could get)...................she is starting the meds. this morning, and they have a number of SE, so she took the day off rather then go to work, and have problems, since she has to drive.................she text me last night and said "Mom, I hate to sound like a baby, but could you come over tomorrow morning and stay with me while I start this medicine, just in case I have a reaction..................then she said "we can sit and talk about our "old lady" aches and ailments...........she is 43.............I laughed and said "sure", but I'll bet I can tell more ache and ailment stories then you can..................so here I sit, checking in with my best friend before I go on my "mission of mercy".....................I'm gonna make chocolate chip cookies with my grandaughter while I'm there, and of course my grandson (the light of my life) will be there too.
Ok, have a great day .............on my way................
and Veggy, you enjoy your day too...........hugs.
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DUNE, those videos of your birds were adorable!!! Your cockatiel whistles so well! And that pair of parakeets in the window, so sweet, the blue one is a fab color. We haven't kept birds for many, many years. Just dogs now. Eat a little more protein, dear one, drink a little more water, and I'm glad you're able to talk to a pro now, they'll get you thru this rough patch. GG
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Thanks GG. The blue one is Puff. He, who turns out to be a she, is the one who will likely soon be leaving us. I'm trying to give Puff lots of antioxidants, but I doubt I can get rid of the tumor. For now, he seems to be pretty good. (It is easier for me to keep calling Puff a he.) I think I will go check on him now.
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Good evening to all of the gorgeous women!! I'm going to be down for a few days and I hope to be on here a lot!! I sprain (sprang?? sprained??) my ankle and I'm suppose to be off it for 10-14 days....hmmm....where the hell did I leave my super healer powers? I'd like to say I have a great story as to how it happened...but I don't have any idea. Beginning to wonder if I sleep walk or something...
GG: you are just the sweetest. I just had to tell you that.
So, I had another MH visit today (just after urgent care). She really makes a lot of sense to me. I love talking to her and she really is 100% there for me and my health. Just love her. Everything she says makes sense and seems so doable at the time. Then...somehow...I lose it....
Veggy - You can....you will...and we are here for you always. So, my shrink would ask, "What do you have control of?" I was moved when you said that you know what to expect this time....holy shit was my first response. My second was (since I was fresh out of counseling
... what would you want to do differently? I know there are a few things I would change - knowing what I know now....like, I would TOTALLY set up a chart with things I would want done and whenever someone said IF YOU NEED ANYTHING I'd have them sign up....I still feel so bad that only three people would walk my baby puppy...or help DH and DD's with dinners/conversations/cleaning etc...and I would have stocked the fridge with all kinds of drinks because I got so sick of water. Oh I could make a nice list 
I'm just hoping that this round will be easier and maybe that would help....OH dear, gotta go for now....these painkillers are making me cross eyed...
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Oh ((( Fuzzy ))). I am sorry to read you sprained your ankle. Wow. Life piles it on. I do like your attitude and your list of what you would do differently. That chart is a great idea.
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Oh I can tell it is going to be so much fun applying for this disability retirement. My therapist told me to drop off one of the forms at the office of my old shrink and then to contact Maryland State Retirement to see if they could do anything to make the old shrink's office expedite the return of the form. So true to form this cold hearted bitch state worker, I mean seriously, she had not a note of empathy in her voice, told me that it was perfectly OK for my shrink's office to make me wait an extra month before sending in the forms. In a way, it was fortunate that this state worker acted so predictably. I didn't give her a fight. I did end up saying "Well, I just hope you . . . have a nice day." LOL You know I didn't mean that. Right?
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Regarding "friends" who tell you what's wrong with you - this is from my friend's Facebook page:
My disabling chronic illness
is more real than your
imaginary medical expertise.
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LOL. I love it Blessings!
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Awww Fuzzy sprained ankle is just what you needed (not) with everything else going on... I read on Facebook about you having to used crutches... Welcome to my world.. Don't know if you have had to use them before or not but they took me a little getting used to. I have now graduated to a cane most of the time now.....still use my walker around the house as it has a seat on it which is helpful for transporting things....
Cindy -
Oh wow facebook. Are you fuzzylemon on there? I am Charlene Clark (Dune Sleeper). Send me a friend request if you would like. Anyone here who wants to be friends on facebook, send me a friend request.
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Oh man. I just read this from the Moderators Research News page
Breast Cancer's Hormone Receptor and HER2 Status Can Change After Diagnosis
http://www.breastcancer.org/symptoms/new_research/20120620.jsp
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Dunesleeper I just went to find you on Facebook. Do you know how many Charlene Clark's there are... Was going to send you a friend request but not sure which Charlene you are.....
Cindy
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