Venting about bullying sister-in-law

I am absolutely furious now! Its past midnight and everyone is asleep and I need to get this out! I traveled to NOLA for my BMX and Diep, which took place on June 6th. My sister-in-law stayed here part of the time while I was gone, helping my husband out with taking care of my eight year old daughter. I'm getting the distinct impression that she's taking being the "lady of the house" a bit too seriously. Since I got home on the 12th, she has stayed here on weeknights and helped with taking my daughter to camp and some household chores. She was recently laid off from her job, so we have been compensating her for her time. It's becoming evident that my SIL is being bossy, on the verge of bullying my daughter while I'm resting. My daughter is perplexed and has repeated several of the snide comments that her beloved aunt Mary has made to her. One morning my daughter came and told me about something that was said; rather than confront my SIL, I told my daughter to use her words like a big girl and tell Aunt Mary that she doesn't like being spoken to like that. She did and Aunt Mary apologized for being mean. This morning, Mary told me that when my daughter dawdles while she gets ready in the morning, "I make her get moving and I don't ask her nicely like you do." I was shocked that she seemed so pleased with herself when she told me this. I can see where this is all going and am afraid that if she isn't willing to change her ways immediately, Mary is going to have to leave and the rest of my husband's family will be angry with us. She's the baby of their family and has always been coddled by everyone. She has always been extremely overweight and was bullied as a child and she seems to have turned into a bully as an adult. She bragged to me a few days ago that many of the people at work were afraid of her; she was actually proud of this!?! Ths afternoon, she told my my daughter that she wasn't allowed to turn on her music. Not loud music, quiet classical music... because her aunt is playing computer games?Tonight at dinner, I was nicely coaching my daughter about her table manners (reminding her to chew with her mouth closed). Aunt Mary told her that she was disgusting and my daughter burst into tears. My husband told my daughter that he was sure that Aunt Mary didn't mean to hurt her feelings. Aunt Mary got up and did the dishes, and stormed off to the guest room and slammed the door. Looking back, there have been hints of this in the past, Mary telling me that when she babysits, she "doesn't take any crap" from my daughter. My husband and I aren't lenient at all, but we do believe in treating everyone, including children with respect. We decided early on that we were going to be better parents than the ones either of us had. I'm able to get my daughter to cooperate without berating her or breaking her spirit. My daughter is an extremely happy child who is bright, respectful, and kind to others. She is loved by her fellow students, the teachers at school, and parents of her friends. I actually get emails and phone calls from other parents telling me that my daughter has taken their child under her wing and helped them make friends, or has stood up for their child when others were being unkind. Every year for her birthday, she asks for money and pet supplies for an animal shelter in lieu of birthday gifts. I'm rambling on... She's not perfect, no one is, but she's a pretty good kid. The more I think about it, the more I think that Aunt Mary might be jealous of an eight year old. My husband and his sibs grew up with six kids, not much money, cold parents. My daughter reaps the benefits of being the only child of "older," more established parents. She's been blessed more talents than either of her parents, ballet, singing, drama, etc. She is very bright and attends a private school for gifted children. I think Mary resents that my daughter has so many advantages and is thriving ( despite the fact that my daughter did spend the first year of her life suffering from neglect and malnutrition in an orphanage). Everyone in the family absolutely loves my daughter, but Mary is still the 40 year old baby of my husbamd's side of the family. I can overlook the fact that she's playing around on her computer while there's laundry to be done or sleeping on the sofa while we're paying her to help. But being mean to my kid is another story. I know that despite any fallout, we need to defend our child and put a stop to this if Mary can't change her snippy ways. Two weeks
Past surgery and I'm still on pain meds and wasn't planning on driving until next week, but will switch to Tylenol and make this bully leave if she can't adjust her attitude..

I'm sure it will just cause issues, but we can't let it continue or condone it. Not fair to my daughter for her parents to not defend her. He would have talked to her tonight, but she didn't reappear after dinner. So I'm stuck with her tomorrow until he gets home from work. We both decided that he should be the one to handle it for the sake of his family relations. And I am so nice, until pushed, then I can't predict how diplomatic I'll be. Especially where my daughter is concerned, I can be a momma bear.