March 2012 chemo

Maybe a bunch of us march ladies are hitting the same point, where the energy from the drama (lack of better word) of the beginning of all this has worn off, and this is what we're left with...the reality. Life is different, and will it ever be the same? Will we always have a niggling worry? God, I hope not. I am going to try to live with no worries and take each day as it comes...

So my Dad is finally home from the hospital after more than 3 weeks - so finally some good news.  Had my shot today, doing ok, just tired, my nails are getting worse, now started on the left hand.  Not going to be pretty - sucks!  But other than that feeling pretty positive.

WOOHOO to those who got to ring that bell - can't wait till I can!

Have a wonderful Friday! 

Wow, here I've been avoiding everyone because I didn't want to depress anyone. LOL It looks like I would have fit right in.  Sorry everyone is feeling down this week. I thought it was just me.  It seems we are all just getting tired of everything and ready to go on to the next step.  I would prefer to be DONE. But "Baby Steps".

Keep going everyone, WE CAN DO THIS!!!!

Hi again everyone.. Thank you for your kindness and warm welcomes to this board. I was catching up on some of your posts tonight and gosh it sounds like so many of us are together in this feeling kind of down this week. I am right there with you all. Physically I felt great this week overall, as I typically do going in to a "big" chemo treatment. But emotionally I was a wreck. Just tired of it all. Tired of no hair. Tired of tummy bloating. Tired of my scar. Tired of wig and tired of not being confident enough to go without it! Just one of those weeks. I am trying so hard to be normal and act normal and stay positive, but sometimes as you know it is just hard. I don't want to "share" these crummy feelings with anyone but like someone else said in here, I am glad I'm not alone in these feelings.



I will keep moving forward, keep my head up and take it day by day. I know we are all strong and will get through this. Keep the faith everyone! We're in this journey together!!



Hope you all have good restful nights of sleep tonight!

I totally agree KCB - it's almost like after diagnosis, I felt like ok this is my purpose now and the most important thing in the world (which let's face it, it was) and now I am starting to realize, ok, life goes on around me and we have to incorporate this into our lives and adapt.

Indigo - very interesting about the fake lashes - I know they aren't a good idea on a regular basis due to excessive tearing and maybe infection? but I would like to have that option when I lose mine.  Just for special occasions, etc...

Diane - funny story about wigs...I packed mine for our vacation but after the first night walking around NOLA in it, I stuffed it in the glove compartment of our car most days!  I have about resigned myself to scarves and hats this summer.

January - I hear ya on the heartburn - that is one of the SE I have noticed being worse this time around.

Kim - so glad your dad is home!

lost - never worry about depressing anyone.  Misery loves company. We will all get through this.

fedfan - boooo on the pain.  I go for labs on Monday and then again the next Wednesday and if my counts plummet, I am going to ask for Nuelasta, even though my SE from it are awful.  I just hate this feeling of thinking I may be housebound due to low counts.

tc- congrats on your last TX!

lana - (((HUGS))) thinking about you.

Michelle - lol on punching people in the face. Every time I see someone, they say "well, you look good" but I have to say I didn't hear that yesterday.  My aunt surprised me by showing up at my house with a casserole and I was NOT expecting her.  So I was in pj pants a camisole and a care cap.  Thank God I had on a bra.  I was so embarrassed!  Since I was feeling so down anyway, when she asked how I was, I nearly started crying - UGH!  

Still no horrible awful SE from Taxotere...just tired, tired, tired.  I went to bed around 9:30, woke up at least 3 times (despite taking a Restoril), then woke at 7 and should have gotten up then.  But I didn't and dozed off again and didn't wake up until 9:45! 

Ok, I am going to put the effort into getting dressed and makeup on so we can all go run some errands and maybe go out to dinner.  We have to get out of this house.

kltb- hope that fever breaks!  Drink lots of liquids!

This is my tired weekend, so I had 2 naps already today, fell asleep on the couch last night for about 3 hours and slept through the night.  SO at least I can sleep and rest up.  Usually day 4 is the worst as far as being tired, so if everything stays on track I should feel "almost" normal Monday - though what is normal with cancer!  

Hope everyone has a lovely weekend ! 

kltb- hope the fever is gone and that it was nothing. I like where you kept your wig. Mine stays hanging on a big bottle of laundry detergent on my bathroom sink.

Indigo-glad you had fun with the eyelashes. I couldn't put them on if I was being forced to.

Kim- glad your dad is home. I bet that makes him happy.

We had our yard sale yesterday. Not sure why I thought that was a good idea!  Never again will I mess with it. I was exausted by the time I got home and fell asleep on the couch. Woke up and cooked dinner but was asleep again by 7 then up all night. At least being awake in the middle of the night I got to hear the sound of raindrops on the roof.

 Need to clean house today, but yuck. I will be so glad to be done with the chemo. Now that's it's getting closer to surgery I'm getting more nervous about it. I just keep trying not to think about it but that's not working very well.

 Enough rattling, everyone have a good Sunday.

Indigo- thanks, I will probably have lot's of questions about surgery soon.  I'm leaning towards both being taken.  I keep meaning to ask you..you aren't close to the fires are you?

Hi Ladies

I've been reading but havn't posted in a while.  Lots to catch up on!

Indigo

I hope you can come to a decision re MX vs BMX.  While I had an MX I did consult with my surgeon about a BMX figuring why not, I'll already be on the table.  He was against it, felt it was unecessary surgery since there was NED in my right.  It is always going to be at the back of my mind though

KCB

Love Wallenda parallell

KLT

Sounds like you had a nice time away at the beach

Kam170

You likely already have your answer but Herceptin is give via infusion (I'm on this train now until the end of December).  Where I am treated its in the same area as anyone getting chemo.  Its nice and fast though, I'm usually out of there within an hour once I get started.

Yvyc

We're in the same boat now, H only

tc9876

Yoo Whoo to being done with TC!!

Lana

I hope you get your questions answered about the rib pain you inherited from KLT. 

klt

When will you get your bloodwork done?  I'm curious to see how the counts are without Neulasta.  I did it after each TX but often wondered how I would have been without it too.

Onvacation

Glad to hear your Dad is home and doing well.  I had a yard sale last week too.  It was so hot but it was nice to get rid of alot of stuff that was taking up space.

Dianefightslikeagirl

Welcome!  This is a great thread with alot of support.

I hope I didn't missing anyone.

I'm now 8 weeks PFC and pretty much back to normal from an energy standpoint.  It blows my mind when I think of the last 6 months, surgery, chemo, herceptin, tamoxifen.   I thought chemo would never end yet its all gone so fast too.   I found that for about the firs 3 weeks after though I was still really tired and my muscles would tire really easily too. It was like when walking my legs would be so sore as if I had worked out really hard the day before.  I mentioned it to my MO and he said it could last up to 6 months but it didn't.

My hair is growing, not as fast as I would like, but its growing all the same.  Hercpetin can slow the growth for some.  The only thing I can think that is helping is the Biotin supplement I take and I just started massaging olive olive into my scalp a couple of days ago.  While the back is filling in faster, I can now feel growth on the top and sides where it was still smooth last week.  It starting coming in kind of white but its now starting to darken up. It will be interesting to see what the actual colour combo comes in as.The lashes are still thin but my eyebrows are coming in as well.  My right really went more bald that my left but its filling in.  Hair is also returning to my legs, pits and nether regions too. 

I so am despising my wigs right now.  There so bloody hot!!

I think we're all going to have to deal with PTST at some level during and after TX.  Sometimes I get so pissed off that this ordeal has taken so much but then I try to remember that it could have been so much worse if I wasn't DX when I was

My family as a whole has been dealing with my 84 year old Mom that we have finally gotten to accept that its time for a retirement home.  She won't live with any of us but she's having alot of falls because her legs are so weak so its now a safety issue.  Thankfully she has a security system with two way communication and fell on Friday.  They called me and I went but the paramedics were there before I got there.  She was fine physically.  My brothers and sisters have been broaching the subject with her but I told them don't press, she has to decide for herself and now she has.  She didn't want to spend the money LOL!  I told her look, whatever you can't cover, you can draw out of savings right.  That's what its for, not to leave us!  Its so hard seeing someone that has been so independant her whole life failing pysically.  But its time.

Indigo

Sorry, I was trying to go  back and make notes and must have mixed you up with another poster!  I'll have to go back and read some more when I have a bit more time.  Just taking a break from housework and thought I'd pop back in.

Yeah, poor old dear.  The issue was addressed a couple of years ago and I brought her around to a few places that were lovely, but she wasn't ready.  We all cook for her, do her laundry, have cleaning ladies coming in.  Get her to her doctors appointments but its evident she can't live alone any longer.  We've all offered to have her move in but nope, she won't do it.  So it is what it is. 

MBL- I can't believe it's been 8 weeks already! I'm glad your feeling back to normal. There is light at the end of the tunnel. I hope that your Mom ends up liking the home, my grandma ended up really liking it once she moved because she could always find someone to talk with.

Kim, stay upright because if you don't you'll fall asleep. LOL I just made the mistake of lying down to read. Didn't get very far before I was asleep.

Indigo-glad your not near the fire. We went through Denver a few years ago on our way to Yellowstone. All I remember was a HUGE hill we had to go up on the way out. I didn't think we would ever get up it with the truck and camper. We didn't even qualify for the slow lane. 

I'm with you lanagraves. My knees keep giving out because of the pain. Just feel like overall crap today.

Oh no Alice!  I was wondering how you were doing.  Glad you are back home.

Glad I demanded to have my counts done - WBC of 1.4 leading to series of neopagen (sp?) shots the next 3 days.  I will demand the Nuelasta next time.

Taxotere people - anyone had bumps on the face, even broken capillaries?  Just noticing this now as well as a small almost mole like spot on my chest.  Immediately thinking skin mets of course and know that they are very uncommon but that does not keep me from researching them and obsessing about it.

Hey Taxol ladies, hang in there! It sucks, I know.

Alice: Holy %#£€!! So so sorry you had to be in hospital, and have that scare. Glad to hear food and drink were the answer to the BP thing... Love food and drink.

I'm in for second Taxotere tomorrow, which is round 5 of my 6 treatments!

Saw my RO today again for appointments for CT planning session. Mind is now full of Rads info, numbers, possible side effects (my personal fave), all that...Good news is they are ok with me having a window between end of chemo and rads to have sone healthy holiday time with my family out of the city... Really feel I need that to restore and refuel...

Got alot done today on my little pre-chemo steroid buzz. Dh enjoys watching me whirl around. I suppose it is quite funny after days of lethargy.

Hugs All.

TrailGirl and Lanagraves - praying and hoping your pain improves ASAP!! 

Alicethecat - glad you are back home and feeling better!  (Does A&E stand for Ambulance & Emergency?).  Anyway, whatever it stands for, hoping you are able to stay away from it for the duration!

kltb04 - sounds like your fever must be down.  I see the MO again this coming Thursday morning before my last A/C; I have a lot of questions about Taxotere.  Do you think those bumps are from all the steroids?  It looks like on the meds schedule I have, that they ramp up the steroids for Taxotere.

I hope no IV steroids though - that is one of my questions.  I heard from someone on the April/May thread that if they have to give steroids via IV and push it in rather than drip it in, it can cause horrible burning pain in, of all places, your rectum. As bizarre as that may sound, it was quite true, according to my source.  So if they say something to you about IV steroids, have a talk about whether or not they want to push it in and why.  I filed that one away for future reference - hopefully all of us can get by with the pills.

So far as A/C #3 winds down, the worst SE that is still hanging on is this stupid canker sore inside my lower lip.  The Rocky Mountain Mouthwash helped with the soreness in the back of my throat and the blisters came and went on my tongue - pretty sure no thrush - but the other sore is so stubborn.  DH gave me some l-lysine yesterday and this a.m. when I woke up, the sore didn't hurt for the first time in several days.  Then, of course, while I was eating my lunch, I bit right into it.  Hopefully tomorrow it will be better than now.  The NP I saw last tx said that they could prescribe an antiviral for me for the sores, but that it would be one more daily med to take, and probably would only shave a couple of days or so off the healing time.  So I didn't get the prescription.  But I'm wondering now if this same sore will just keep coming back - it had healed up completely after tx #2 and then came back again.  I might change my mind.  

Otherwise doing okay.  Staying busy during the day with work, and planning to go in to the office on Wednesday.  

I am about done with this heat wave here - broke another record in Denver today with the high of 100.  I'm surprised we aren't having blackouts.  I have not worn my wig for the last few days no matter where I went.  I am tempted not to wear it to the office; we'll see if I chicken out or not.  

DS#2 is back from his camping adventure as leader with his Wyld Life group.  Sooo proud of him.  I am going to take some pics - he with his new Mohawk, me bald and eyebrowless - then me with a head buff and eyebrows - then me with wig, lashes and foobies in my new "Yes They're Fake!  My Real Ones Tried to Kill Me!" shirt that my sister got me for my birthday.  And I am going to post them and/or create an avatar.  Hopefully if he rolls out of bed by noon tomorrow, we'll get on it.  

My BIL called me out of the sky blue this morning (my sister's husband).  We aren't particularly close so my first thought was, OMG!  Something has happened to my sis, or one of their kids, or my mom!  But no - he said he hadn't realized that I was on chemo and had lost my hair!  I don't really know now what my sister told him, but evidently that news just got through recently.  Anyway, surprisingly, we had a very good talk.   What do you know?

Purple healing to all, and hoping for a restful evening for everyone.