Starting chemo Thursday, May 31 - June Group?

Pamelahope: Are you thinking about buzzing your head then? Have you bought your wig? It looks like you have long hair in your profile picture. Have you considered donating it? My salon does the cut for free if you have at least 10 inches to donate. My stylist costs $75....so YAY CANCER, you are saving me $!!! Everyone is different of course, and believe me, I am attached to my hair. I LOVE MY HAIR. So the thought of donating it to others who need it cushions the blow for me. If I can imagine some gorgeous little girl stuck in a children's hospital somewhere who gets a thick, nearly black, curly head of hair, then I feel really good about that. And I think it will be so much easier to lose 1-3" strands as opposed to 12"+. Easier on my vacuum, anyway.

I am sort of oddly eager to have my body hair gone, just from a maintenance standpoint. Imagine how short our showers will be?  From 20 minutes down to 2? Maybe three if I exfoliate? I will miss smelling like my shampoo (I love Aveda), but I am just going to invest in some awesome skin-care products so I can still feel like I am pampering myself. And then after the shower....no flat-iron, hair dryer, curling irons. No hairsprays, gels, etc etc. I might be able to get ready as fast as my husband....which will BLOW HIS MIND. He has gotten so used to my hour-long grooming ritual.....reluctantly.

I know my attitude seems all great and positive, but I have my moments. I sobbed the other night when I took the bandages off my port. I barely slept last night (AGAIN) because my thoughts were racing. But I always look for the good in situations, that's my default. Along with looking for the humor. So when I snap out of my pity-parties, I like to look for the positive aspects of what I am going through, and mentally hold on to them.

Having the support and understanding of all of you ladies has been invaluable so far. I find myself thinking about you all more than my face-to-face girlfriends as I go about my day.

Have a terrific day girls! I am off to run errands. Leaving for the beach in a few days.

xoxo ElleBee 

I've got my tentative plans, but won't have an official start date until I get my bone and CT scans and mugga test done. They will place the port the day I get my first session and hope to get me started either Tuesday or Thursday of next week.  I guess they weren't kidding when they said it will move fast!  I'll have 4 times of Adriamycin/Cytoxan every three weeks, following by twelve weekly of Taxol.  The hormonal treatment to follow will depend upon my BCRA results. I'd already resigned myself to the chemo, but the port has me very nervous. I was hoping for sedation, but Ativan is all I get...I must have worried them because my script is for 30 Ativans with refills.

Thanks ElleBee.  The placement is definitley was terrifies me more than the aftermath. The comparison to the biopsies helps...I survived 3 cores awake, so I can do this! If they didn't mention the jugular vein, I'd be less stressed I think. With the ports in my tissue expanders, I'll be one big wallking port!  They are shooting for the 19th, with a backup day of the 21st.  My mom and daughter are both going out of town the 23rd through the 30th, so they are making every effort to get it in before they go.  I figure that maximizes my odds of completing before the end of the year anyway!

Thanks Pam.  They told me no sedation at all...just the local because I'm going right up to chemo from there.  Ativan is the strongest thing I'm gtting out of it, much as I wanted the twilight.  That's the bulk of what has me so nervous.  In the end, it it moves me toward kicking the cancer out, that's what I'll do!  I guess this sort of cancels out the good fortune I had in being "out" for my sentinel node biopsy while others had to take the injections awake!  30 minutes of stress, for 6 months of less-stress chemo is a fair tradeoff on this one I guess!

Marcia1111: Good to know about the stying stuff. I will go easy on it. My hair is naturally wavy, so I usually air-dry it to avoid the frizzies. And if you can figure out how to get a good night's sleep, please let me know. I had 4 or 5 good nights, but for some reason (well, ok, the reason is cancer) the last two nights have sucked. Lying awake, mind racing, for 2-3 hours. I took melatonin last night before bed, which helped a little. 

Pam: Really? Charlize buzzed her head? That is AWESOME! We'll all just be trendsetters! Haha! My hair is holding up. I had my second trtmt Monday. Aside from my leg hair not growing, I havn't noticed any significant changes. Oh, and I am SO HOPING that my hair, um, down there falls out soon! I leave for vacation in two days and it would be lovely to skip the bikini wax! Maybe I can will it to fall out, like today! Oh, and I heard to go for a buzz, not a shave. My pal who went through this shaved hers, and was really uncomfortable with itchy, sore stubble while her hair continued to try and grow for a few weeks. Like a razor rash, I guess. I am getting mine chopped/donated today. I am nervous. My tremendously funny friend is taking me for support. I anticipate laughter through tears today. 

Steelersluver: I forgot to tell you that they gave me the twilight cocktail for the port placement, but I stayed awake talking to the nurses the whole time. I was aware of everything, and I remember everything. I felt a tiny bit of pressure while the doc did his thing, but the meds made me super relaxed and erased any anxiety I might have felt otherwise. I took the steri-strips off last night, and the incision looks really good. It will heal nicely and not be a noticeable scar at all. It really is a breeze. I had three biopsies too. The soreness from those was worse. I iced the heck out of it the first couple days. 

Ok, off to look up Charlize's hair on tmz! 

-ElleBee 

Hi, everyone. Sorry I haven't posted much. I have been battling depression. It's probably not cancer/chemo related; it's a chronic issue in my life. Physically I am feeling pretty good most days. I am on day 13. I have had some days that I did not feel well, but more good than bad so I am happy about that.

I haven't started to lose my hair yet. I have been wearing a hair net at night so that if it falls out at night, hopefully it won't be all over the place. I know I look silly but luckily my husband doesn't mind lol. I got my wig and I am not sure that I like it. I may end up wearing mostly hats and scarves. I actually think it will be fun to wear different styles of hats/scarves.

It sounds like a lot of you are doing very well and I am glad to hear that. Sorry for not addressing individual people right now. Blessings to all of you.

Jennifer

Hi CMOM   Well I took the chemo yesterday without any problems.  After my chemo when I got home I felt like my head was stuffy.  Didn't last long.  Everyone there was so nice .  It was not the horrible thing that I imagine.  Today I feel great my Doc said I will probably feel tired and listless on Friday or Sat. She said I will bounce back up. I know it is fearful to start but I imagine it will not be as bad as you thought.  I will keep you posted as to how I feel Friday or Sat.What also keeps me positive my sister was diangosed with lung cancer that was the size of a baseball, it was squamous cell and attched to the wall.  They gave her very little hope to survive but gave her a choice for very aggressive chemo along with radiation.  Her tumor shrunk to the size of a golf ball and she had surgery to remove her upper lobe of lung.  I saw what she had to go through and the will she had to live to see her children grow up. This is what keeps me positive.  This happened 20 years ago and she is still living and enjoying her life.  She got to see her kids raised.  So when those nasty little thoughts come in to your mind get them out and think about everybodys story. Good luck to you and all. God Bless you all.  Sending lots of HUGS!

So I got brave today and decided to get a pixie haircut to mentally prepare myself for losing my hair. I had gotten my hair cut short (had shoulder length hair prior) before BMX but didn't like how it looked.  As my stylist was cutting it all I could think of was "look at all that gray hair", so I came home and colored it.  I will say that it will be a lot easier to take care of during this last month or so and boy was it easier to color.  The best thing? My 2 little ones said "Mommy, you look beautiful".

Pam!!!! You go girl!!! I am so proud of you!!!