April/May 2012 Chemo hang out

It's about the fight, not the fright. -- Robin Roberts

Good luck today Nance and everyone else going in the chair today.

Nofear ....I told my dr that when I take Tylenol pm...I get jittery instead of sleepy...it works in the reverse for me....so they gave me something different other than Benadryl...I don't recall the name...

I hope your next treatment goes better.

Curios to know is anyone is taking an antidepressant to help manage their emotions. I am so taxed out emotionally & the emotions affect my stomach which leaves me w no appetite. I have already lost 15lbs cannot lose anymore. I just need something to calm down my anxiety/nerves & let me stomach go so I can eat.

I have Ativan for both nausea and anxiety. I am generally not an anxious person, but it helps to have something calming in the arsenal. Don't be shy about asking for something.  As a former non-pill taking person, I've accepted that I'll do whatever it takes to get through this.

Bone pain last night. Tylenol took care of it. A friend brought dinner last night and I found myself eating leftovers at 2 am. I am not a night owl, nor do I ever eat after 8 pm.  I cracked myself up.  I guess I am easily amused these days.

Anyone else have low blood pressure or varying blood pressure? Yesterday mine was 90/60.  The day before it was 125/69, which is the highest it's been in weeks.

So...everyone seems to love my bald head. I am getting rave reviews. 

chapter4, you give me so much hope.  Two AC to go!

Nance, Good luck with #3 today!

I do have an appt to see an counselor today as well as I am going to gildas house support group this week, so I have started to help myself, but the whole food/emotional thing is what gets me the most. Maybe w the support & meds my stomach will turn around. Thanks for the support.

vballmom - I had a bout of high BP several weeks back.  Normally I run 110/70 - 120/80, but I had several days of 150/95 ish.  Not sure what was going on, but it did resolve, thankfully.   

nofear - glad you are going for some support!!!  It's so important to take care of ALL of our issues properly - physical, emotional, and spiritual.  You WILL get through this! 

Dance:  How exciting that you are DONE tomorrow!    I have two more weeks--I am counting the days.

Nofear:  Good luck today.

Fierro and Nance:  Thinking of you today.  Hope you have minimal Se's.

I talked to my mom this a.m and she was going on about how the doc wanted to put her in the hospital and she said she wasn't going to.  I just told her, mom it's your life--or death.  It's your choice.  She's supposedly feeling better and thinks she's going to San Diego on Thursday to see my brother. We shall see.... 

Settled into the BGC at last.  We got to the MO's office for a 9:30 appt, and she then sent us to the infusion room.  It has been so long since I've seen them (because of that stupid drain staying in so long) that they wanted to draw labs again.  While waiting for the results of those, she told me to just drop the tube from my port down my shirt and we could go grab lunch.

The thing at the end of the tube (when not in use,) I stuck in my cleavage and we headed downstairs.  DH and I got so tickled about it (especially when I pointed out that it's cleavage made of half boob and half foob.   I have a blog (mainly for out of state family and friends to keep up...boring to others) and we're getting pictures for my entry tonight.  I included a picture of that tucked into my bra.  Yup.  There are no secrets with me. 

The plastic surgeon thought that, because I'm dose dense and every two weeks, my white cells wouldn't bounce up enough between treatments for a fill, but my oncologist says she thinks it will be fine.  WooHoo!  I also found out that I had my treatment schedule wrong in my head (again.)  The Taxol is every 2 weeks for 4 weeks, too.  I thought it was weekly for 12.  I don't know what to blame these confusions on, since I haven't had chemo to blame before today, but I'm happy that it shaved a month off what I anticipated as a "done with chemo" date.

Anyway, after this flush is finished, we start the chemo.  I've been here nearly 4 hours and no real chemo yet.  I'm glad I learned that the first time is the longest.  Now to email my PS's nurse and see if she'll agree to do fills.  (Oh, and now that I'm here, my nerves have settled tremdously.  Getting started was a huge hurdle for me.) 

And right on cue, it's beeping to say that the flush is done.  Here goes! 

NoFear...as far as the emotional...I started taking lexipro many years ago to control my migraines and it has done wonders...I'm sure it is helping me a great deal with my cancer journey as well. I think you should talk to your Dr. and ask if there is something he/she can give you. I know quite a few people that take something and there is no shame in it. As far as the weight loss...I have not had that problem however someone on here a while back recommended drinking Ensure and it has been a godsend for me. I drink the Chocolate and it is really yummy...the 8 oz container has 250 calories and 9 grams of protein...I would recommend the Ensure Plus for you tho...it has 350 calories and 13 grams of protein in an 8 oz container...It is really good and easy to get down...its gone before I know it. Hope this helps. I'm very inspired by you going to the support group...you are such a strong person and you're doing what it takes to help yourself...way to go!!!

Angie...welcome!

vballmom & roulag...hope you are doing better today!

Dance...great news that you will be ALL DONE tomorrow!!!  Hope you don't get thrush this time around...I had it with both of my TCH tx's and it is just awful.  It is so disgusting and uncomfortable and it actually makes me depressed.

rgina...you look fantastic...you rock that short short hair!

kjiberty...hope your mom is truly feeling better....but sounds like you have done all you can and now it's up to her to make the right decision.

Fierro & Nance and to everyone else in the big girl chair today and this week...wishing you luck today and hoping for minimal SE's.

I'm in the big girl chair on Thursday for my 3rd TCH. After Thursday I will be 1/2 way there!!!

vballmom:  I'm sorry you're having such a rough time!  Are you working right now?  Or do you have some time to focus on your healing efforts?  I ask, because this might be a good time to try to learn meditation if you're not doing that.  It really helps you to cope, calms the anxiety and fear.  There are some great YouTube videos that help to teach you - I can send you the links if you're interested.  Sending you (and your hubbie) lots of love today. xoxox

Ok...my new obsession is pulling out the grey/white stubble from my head. While I was putting on my makeup yesterday in the magnifier mirror I noticed that I have a ton of white stubble...i dont think its chemo growth...just the hair that started to grow back and hasn't fallen out yet. So I decided to pull one out and it just slid out...like it want attached to anything...then I did another and another and realized that I was gonna be late so I stopped....but when I got home lastnight I had a field day!!! I know...I'm nuts...I'm finding it to be a lot of fun tho!

Those of you on TCH, after the first one how long does it take?  My first took right under 5 hours once I got hooked up, but today my onc's office called and re-set my appointments for this Friday (TX#2) and the one in July (TX#3) - the appt's we just made last Friday.  Said they needed a 5 hour time frame for the TCH appointments.  They know I am working everyday through this if I can and the only full days I've taken off were 1 day for my biopsy, 2.5 days for my lumpectomy/SNB and 1.5 days for my port surgery and 1 day for my first TCH.  They know I need to schedule to miss as little work time as possible and are really starting to irritate me with appointment changes.  They've changed almost every appointment for one reason or another.  And I'm getting conflicting time info from the nurse and the appointment person.  GRRR

Dancetrancer - yay on last chemo tomorrow!  And so glad that you are feeling so much better with the heartburn and other stuff!  I get to hang around a long time yet - don't have my last chemo until September.  

kjiberty - wow, glad the light is on at the end of the chemo tunnel for you too! I'm trying not to be jealous.  

FightingLikeAGirl - LOL.  When my DS was buzzing my head and I was watching the swatches fall around me, it struck me how gray the roots were.  I have colored my hair for a long time (started finding grays in my 20s), but when I knew I'd have to have chemo, I didn't bother retouching it before I cut it short.  It is funny to me now - I am virtually bald and shiny on the sides of my head closest to my face - where I always have to touch up grays first, so I figure that's where it grows fastest.  I still have stubble all over the rest of my head and yes, lots of gray ones.  It doesn't seem like they are coming out now since my first treatment; wondering if they will (again)?  In the meantime, though, my eyebrows are coming out.  I didn't mean to pull at them but last night after I brushed my teeth, I ended up standing in front of the mirror amazed that they came right out with no pain or even much of a pulling feeling.  

Fierro, love your sense of humor with this.  It does definitely make a difference. Hoping for minimal SEs for you - but you know where to come if you have questions and/or don't sleep that great tonight with the steroids.

Nofear, Vballmom, Lisa and RoulaG - hope you feel better soon!!!

Everyone thank you for your kind words of encouragement and advice. My appt with the onc psychologist went well. He suggested lexapro to help me with my anxiety. He said that it works well with his clients to calm down and not be a zombie. so he is going to talk to my onc and have a script called in.

VBM thanks for sharing that you take that too, that only helps me to know I am on the right track. I know my upset stomach has everything to do with my anxiety, he also suggested that I get out and walk for at least 1/2 a day. It helps with depression and acutually helps with the fatigue. The benefits far outway the other stuff. So I am looking forward to starting lexapro and I hope that it helps me calm down. I asked him if what I described about my feelings and such if I was normal compared to all his other patients, he said I was but my anxiety was a little intense, I laughed and agreed. He also said that in his 10 yrs of experience working with cancer patients that a great deal of the emotional/phyiscal ups and downs are due to the chemo and that once it is stopped your body does restore itself. I so cannot wait for that to happen.  The other tool he gave me that I want to share is a website for guided visualizations. Google kaiser permanente healthy living to go, it is one of the top 2. It is a audio library and you can listen or download the visualizations for all type of stuff. I listened to it and I really enjoyed it. I hope you all can enjoy as well.

Mel - I have started to look at food in a different way as you suggested. i am also learning to read by body better too, because even though my stomach is hurting doesn't mean I am not hungry or that I shouldn't eat anything. So I am just eating without getting the normal signal from my body.

Dancer - I too am fighting thrush every since I started. I was hoping being on taxol it would go away but that hasen't happened. I am not sure what to think because my white cell count has alway been high before every infusion, but it might drop before and that is why I continue to have thrush.

Ashleyb and Chapter4 - are you experiencing any numbness in your fingers and toes/feet? or anyone else getting taxol infusions. I know that I am slightly.

Good luck to all those in the BGC this week. I will be a big girl next week. It is about the fight not the fright - RR