Wow! Could use some help!

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smartytrish
smartytrish Member Posts: 3
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

Hi.  This is my second post...  My dad just died from a Glioblastoma Multiforme.  He died on his 65th birthday, May 3, 2012.   Last Thursday, right before I was heading to my sister's place with my mom for her first "outing" since my dad died, my sister told me that she has breast cancer.  She is 38, single, with a 15 year old daughter.  She lives 3 hours away.  I will be her only caretaker/support person.  I was my parents only caretaker/support person as far as medical and mental support.  I have 3 kids - 2 girls, 1 boy.  Last one at home is 15.  She goes to school half days, walks dogs, rides horses.... needs a lot of driving!! 

I am feeling overwhelmed right now.  I will help my sister and will love doing so.  I do feel like I might freak out though.

And... I can't find any good info on how long my sister will need someone to drive her around (she has a huge Dodge truck), cook, clean, support her... etc...  

Basically - I need help to not freak out but I can only tell my husband so far....

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited June 2012

    Hello Trish, and welcome to BCO.

    We're sorry that your sister and you are facing this - she's fortunate to have you in her corner!

    Although the section of the main Breastcancer.org site is called Help Paying for Living Expenses, it includes valuable information about dealing with some of the non-financial care issues around BC. The American Cancer Society, for example, may be able to arrange transportation to medical appointments, and social workers at hospitals and cancer centers can point your family to local agencies and nonprofits that can help. 

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  • tuesdays
    tuesdays Member Posts: 12
    edited June 2012

    Im sorry your here Trish but please use us as support. Im new to this whole thing so I dont hve much to give back to you.

    nikki

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  • Kelloggs
    Kelloggs Member Posts: 965
    edited June 2012

    Hi Trish.....take a deep breath.  How much help your sister needs will depend on what her treatment is: lumpectomy vs mastectomy, chemo or no chemo.  Do you know any of that yet?  I had a lumpectomy and did 6 rounds of TCH chemo and am now doing radiation.  Help is much appreciated but I think I could have done it even without.  What I appreciated the most was someone to cook a meal for my family when I was feeling bad from chemo (1-2 days each cycle).  Once she has her treatment plan in place have a candid talk with her and find out what kind of help she would appreciate.  I was also very emotional during the early dx days and did not want to be smothered.  She may feel the same way.  Either way, bless you for being a caring sister and daughter. 

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  • BikerLee
    BikerLee Member Posts: 355
    edited June 2012

    oh my gosh - what terrible terrible timing!!!!!  i'm so sorry for your loss and for your sister's diagnosis.  what a stressful stressful time.

    where abouts do you live? is it possible that your daughter might be able to take charge of some of her transportation by using a bicycle? or bus/bike/bus... or even bus. i live in minneapolis, and this is totally totally doable, and many of us use bikes for transportation year round.  many of your hard core bike commuters are very willing and even enthusiastic about teaching beginners....  just an idea, based on the reality of bicycling in minneapolis...   many many cities throughout the country are excellent for biking.  if you would like more advice about this, please message me... i work with kids and adults on bikes....

    it's impossible to know how much help your sister will need... until she actually gets there.  everyone responds to chemo so differently and recovers from surgeries at different rates.  

    does she have friends who might be able to contribute?

    are there services available for patients needing rides?

    the more active she can stay, the fewer side effects she will have....  i rode my bike to and from chemo, actually... every time.  i stayed active throughout all of chemo, and compared to what i expected, it was so much easier...  my docs all believe fully in the connection between minimal side effects and staying active.  everyone is super different tho...

    well, those are my thoughts.

    you are in a very stressful position, and i am so sorry for you and for your loved ones. what craptacular timing...  i mean - seriously!!!! 

    your sister is lucky to have you.

    lee

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  • FilterLady
    FilterLady Member Posts: 407
    edited June 2012

    Hi Trish:

    I just wanted to say I'm sorry for what you've been though with your Dad's death.  

    Your sister is very lucky to have you as is your Mother.  How much help your sister needs will depend on what type of treatment she has and what type of surgery she may have.

    My suggestion is to let your sister know that you will be there for her for whatever she needs.  Just offering to cook a meal, run errands, etc will be a good start.  

    God bless you and your family.

    LaDonna

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  • smartytrish
    smartytrish Member Posts: 3
    edited June 2012

    We live in Canada.  So, at least we don't have to worry about money.  I live in Edmonton and she lives in Calgary, we are three hours apart.  She is a single parent of a 15 year old.  She has no friends or family in Calgary.  Her colleagues will be supportive and will probably help with a bit of food to start with.  Realistically, that will be it. 

    They think that her cancer is localized but aggressive.  The breast cancer clinic is having their radiologists look at her ultrasounds - there was some mention of the other breast but my sister was alone and too freaked out to remember what her doctor said.  So far - she can decide between a lumpectomy with radiation and chemo or mastectomy with chemo.  I am having a hard time finding information about how long she will need an adult around to help with stuff including getting to appointments etc...

    I have been in this position a few times.  I am very good at anticipating needs and giving distance as needed.  We are quite close and will be able to talk our way through stuff.  She has said that she realizes that she will need to "soften" and accept some help.  Her daughter will also need help - again where I come in - and my two daughters.  I know we will be okay.... like I said I just need help not to freak out.

    Thanks to all who have responded!!

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  • Monica1971
    Monica1971 Member Posts: 13
    edited July 2012

    Hi Trish, I'm in Edmonton - diagnosed last year after just turning 40.  Your sister can contact me if she'd like - I can give her info on some of the services offered here and hopefully ease her mind a bit.

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