it's been quite a year

My dx was in September and my mx was in October.  The pink just began to inundate when my children were really beginning to get stressed about my upcoming surgery (they were 7 and 10 at that point).  I took them to a store for a little light shopping and the three of us left on tenterhooks...  What torture for them.

Kate..I have not seen that quote before.  So true!

Esther- love that shirt! Definitely for home wearing. My kids gave me the shirt that said

" yes they're fake, my real ones tried to kill me". I wore it to Relay for Life but the rest of the time it is for at home. I feel like it is an invitation to stare at my chest.

orangemat...love the t-shirt.  We don't do cable and have only limited exposure to commercials and advertisements here in this home too...which is why the store was SO overwhelming.  None of us were ready for it.  But, we survived, together, in the face of such crass commercial belittling of our experience.  Needless to say, it did nothing to lessen any cynicism they both seem to be developing.

Allagashmag.... my last chemo was march 20th and i have fuzz thas about it ,my eyelashes are still few and far between..I wear a wig sometimes or a bandanna, I was thinking the same thing that maybe the were hindering growth. My son came home last night on leave from the navy and his hair looks long to me lol....I just keep rubbing my head and hoping for more hair! Are you on herceptin? I am and I am not sure if that makes a difference?

I am with you all on all the pink.  We have been through a war.  Pink is way to light weight to describe what we have been through.  I have filled a tote with things that so many well-meaning friends have given me in various shades of pink which I will donate somewhere after an appropriate time. 

Yes, Joan, it makes perfect sense to me.  I've only had one dx. and I'm only a year out, but I am a very much different person than I was before bc.  I see the world differently now.  I handle what the world throws at me differently too.

Orangemat...I met a woman last week who is dealing with a reoccurance and mets.  She was wearing a white rubber bracelet with the same message as your t-shirt.  The words were in pink!   I love it!!!   It's strange how many of us who were all rah rah pink before our dx are now just so tired of it all.  Like I said in an earlier post, I AM grateful for the awareness and the money that these campaigns generate, but it is hard to move on when pink is always in your face.  

It is so helpful and useful to read all these comments.  Try as I might to go back to "business as usual" it just isn't the same.  I read in Dr. Susan Love's book that we can try to go back to our lives before bc but the fact is, our lives have changed.  I can understand Joan's comments about recurrence and that all this "awareness" stuff let her down.  The only thing I can say is that 19 years ago, they did not know as much about treatment as they do today so you are in better shape perhaps.  Having said that, they sure do know how to treat it more individually now with all the information they glean from the pathology reports, but bc is still on the rise.  I don't like to be cynical but it just seems there is much more money in treatment than cures.  To know that each time I sat in that chemo chair costs at least $13,000 is outrageous.  So all this fundraising stuff is good for those who haven't been diagnosed with bc.  It is a feel good sort of activity and does serve some purpose, but no cures.  I have given up on the Suan G. Komen foundation - seems like just another greedy corporation to me and I have some personal fundamental issues with that organization. 

Jittersmom, thanks for the hair info.  I may be seeing some of my own hair now.  I had long hair for nearly 40 years and it was down just above my behind when I started losing it.  I have said that I like the free feeling of short hair but the fact is, I really do miss my pony tail.  No I am not on herceptin as my tumor was negative for Her.  I am now taking arimidex.  Even though I had a complete hysterectomy 10 years ago, I guess there are many ways of getting estrogen through food, etc.  This seems to be the common form of bc.     

Orangemat, I had to go back to see what all the talk was about the "shirt."  I definitely will be ordering one of those!  I know who to wear it around and when to wear it and it would make a good night shirt as that is my feeling when I go to bed.  It so much more fits my personality than all that other pink stuff does. 

Tomorrow is another day,

Thumbs up to all,

Allagashmaggie

"I can understand Joan's comments about recurrence and that all this "awareness" stuff let her down.  The only thing I can say is that 19 years ago, they did not know as much about treatment as they do today so you are in better shape perhaps.  Having said that, they sure do know how to treat it more individually now with all the information they glean from the pathology reports, but bc is still on the rise."

Allagashmaggie - they DO know more about treatment today than they did 19 years ago - treatment is more individualized as you say.  Still, 19 years ago about 40,000 women died of breast cancer in the US every year and the number hasn't changed that much today.  To me, that is the bottom line.  There are some breast cancers, even early stage breast cancers, that treatment just can't touch no matter how early or how aggressively they are treated.  This is the sad part of the state of breast cancer today. When we share our experiences on this board, this is the common theme - that even though many of our cancers were caught at an early stage, we are aware of the unhappy truth that some of them will progress and metastasize. 

I am no longer interested in raising money for awareness, but rather for prevention and, for those bcs that can't be prevented, a cure.  

I so agree with Scottiee1 and Kate33 about relationships and BC.  I had absolutely amazing friends who gave me amazing support.  But a few shocked me and abandoned me.  Now that they hear I have finished with Chemo, they are starting to call me again.  I can't even return the phone calls.  If I tell them I am angry because they abandon me, they come up with great excuses.   Honestly, I don't want them as a priority in my life.  Their true colors were shown. 

I realize people have difficulty knowing what to say or do for cancer patients.  The number one search on my Blog is

What to Say to a Cancer Patient as I have written extensively about it!  I get that they don't know what to say.  But come on, a greeting card can do all the talking for you.  Hundreds of people sent me cards - strangers.

I, too, had friends of 30 plus years abandon me.  What do you say to that?  Not sure, trying to sort it all out.

Good Morning,

Joan I know what you are saying about prognosis even for early stage bc.  My grade (3), sticks in my head constantly.  When I hear people tell me I am lucky it was caught early I keep thinking, yea but it is Grade 3, which is why I went with chemo.  Originally, the biopsy showed Grade 1 or 2 and they told me I would need radiation only but when the path report came back after surgery, all that changed.  My oncotype test score was 24 so that was the deciding factor.  It's a crap shoot for sure. 

When I was first diagnosed a friend of mine who has been through this told me "you will find out who your friends are" and she was so right.  I have 6 sisters and one of them told me, oh this isn't a death sentence anymore and you will be fine, blah, blah, blah.  I think, in a way, she was disturbed that she now has 2 first degree relatives with bc (our mom had it 26 years ago - she is still alive at 83) making her more at risk for the disease.  I have a friend who I know is fair weathered and she did not let me down.  She has not gotten in touch once since this occurred.  Another friend has really stepped up and been good support, who I thought would not be.  I think a lot of our friends/family probably are scared to a certain degree that they could be next so they distance themselves from us like it could be catching or something.  Plus, you are all right, they just don't know what to say.  Ironically, I have had more male friends who have been better support than female friends.   I know for myself, prior to my diagnosis, when I would hear of someone being diagnosed with cancer, it made me feel like I could be next.   I do hope that I will be a good friend if, god forbid, someone really close to me gets this diagnosis. 

It is just so true that somebody who is not going through this simply cannot fully understand.  I do have many things to be thankful for since this all began but I am not one of those who says this was a blessing in disquise.  I already knew how precious life is and did not need to be taught that lesson.  But perhaps I have learned a thing or two because of bc.  

Allagashmaggie

orangemat: I agree we have to get some positive out of all this, and I hope I can go on to help other "sisters" with thier journeys, because now I know fist hand what helps one get through and what does not

Other people in our lives are ready to move on quickly because cancer didn't happen to them. I really don't talk about cancer anymore, so I think this is why I am still so active here, because I NEED to talk about what happened to me.

I just woke up from some delightful dreams, and instead of being happy, I am annoyed because I had breasts in my dreams, so what happened there can never be my reality...and small things like this "bother" me, but there is no one to talk to about it face to face.

Oh I have learned so much from cancer, I myself bought several boxes of notecards and I am trying very hard to keep notes going to people I may just hear about, having a rough time. If i can't make a phone call, I send a note.