April/May 2012 Chemo hang out

thanks y'all! That helps...just bought one from REI...looking forward to trying it out! I am surprised by how much of my energy I am spending worrying about how to deal with going bald. I can't believe that I am more stressed and upset about temporarily losing my hair, than I was about losing both my breasts. That doesn't even make sense, but it is true...

Nofear - in a word - yes.



And JKBuffy - my hair didn't try to kill me (like my breasts did). It is innocent collateral damage, in my book. Of course, I am referring to my head hair. I have taken the loss of the unwanted stuff as a much deserved silver lining.

Nofear- I'm most tired/fatigued week #1 after the chemo.  The worst fatigue is usally Friday or Saturday after my Tuesday chemo.   Week #2 I start to feel more energetic and push through the fatigue and get moving (cook, shop if I feel okay).   Week #3, I feel good--- good enough to go shopping, cook dinner, get out of the house!!!. I don't know if it's mind over matter. I'm not working so i can rest whenever I need to.

JKBuffy-The hair loss hasn't gotten to me.  I had waist length hair in February 2012 and a short short boy cut May 2012.  Yes, lots of outward physical changes besides the hair ( UMX in March 2012).  I agree with IndigoMont about the loss of the head hair--- the chemo got my poor little hair follicles in my overall fight to rid the cancer.  Each of us handles the hair loss differently.  I'm going with the flow of things and continue to accept and deal with the physical changes as best I can and not fret over things that I cannot change.  Hope you feel better soon about the hair loss.

I was fine working full shift Friday, full shift Saturday, and today up to around 2pm (1.5 - 2 hours before the end of my shift). It is currently very warm in the building where I work. As soon as I started feeling nauseous (which was about 5-10min after my relief came in), I said, I am not feeling well. I left a few minutes later. I was fine driving (blasted the a/c). Got home, had some more water, and a Compazine (to be safe), and took a nap. I am a little better, but not 100%. I think it is a mild motion sickness. Hope it is better tomorrow. I am scheduled tomorrow afternoon, then two days off.

JKBuffy - I find I'm dreading the hair loss more than I did losing a breast, too.  I've had a few people shocked by that, but if I think too much about it, I start to cry.  I know that, once it happens, I'll power through like I have everything else...it's not like I have a choice, but dreading it is so depressing.  I got it cut super short last weekend, but it's been this short before.  The thought of NO HAIR is like that dread that follows me around more than any of the others.

You say that it doesn't make sense to feel this way.  I don't even start chemo until June 12, but I've already figured out (in large part to this group) that your feelings match those of more people that you'd think, and those that don't are still YOUR feelings.  That means they make sense.  You are in the middle of so many things that you cannot control.  I'm controlling outbursts by finding as much as possible that I CAN control, and controlling the hell out of it.  (sorry, but it's how I feel.)  

If you'd like a "for instance," I made DH help me totally redo our bedroom with a whole area on and around a dresser/mirror for ME to take care of MY appearance and needs.  As I accumulate hats/buffs/scarves, they get added to this area.  I control that.  (insert 2-year-old's voice here)  "MINE!" 

Not sure who is in the big girl chair this week.....

GOOD LUCK TO ALL HAVING CHEMO THIS WEEK & MINIMAL SIDE EFFECTS, especially those having chemo round #1)!!!!!! I'll be in the gold lounger on Tuesday (hopefully if my numbers are good!!!) and thinking about my chemo gal pals here!!!!  Hoping my side effects will be like the last time---a little burping and a little bone pain. 

Everyone else--- Hope everyone feels good and has minimal side effects!!!!!!

Assistant Manager at Walgreens- up to this week we have not been too busy. We are are the Long Island Shore Coast, so we are starting to get busier. I had my #2 A/C on Tuesday- was up driving around town on Thursday. This round I was not too nauseous on Wedsesday (slept/rested all day). I have not even been sore from the shot this round. If I end up with more than 5 sick days in a row, I then need to take a leave of absence. Up today all has been running pretty smooth, but, I know if this feeling of (motion sickness) continues- work will be out of the question. The fact that I did a back to back shift (last night and back this morning could be a factor in how I am feeling). I have the feeling that everything in combination is starting to effect me.

I agree, losing my hair was a lot harder than I thought it would be. I was proactive got wigs, hats, and scarves. It helped being prepared but it is still hard, I miss my hair...it is weird when I look in the mirror, it just doesn't look like me...I have not worn the wigs much too hot in Florida...Hats when I go out and buffs at home...I can not tie scarves yet. . I still feel self conscience when I go out, I hate that people can tell that I am sick that is hard. It was really hard last week at my daughters end of the year party...I know the moms mean well but I felt like I was getting that pity look lol. Just hard.

I haven't lost my hair, haven't started chemo, but when Tweety said "pity look," I knew EXACTLY the look.  When I announced my cancer at work, I started getting it.  Most folks (who get my VERY warped sense of humor) have picked up on how I'm handling it and talking about it.  I'm not a mushy person, so I don't do well with all of the Eeyore impersonators coming at me with, "Oh, I can't believe that this horrible thing has happened to you and I'm SO sorry, etc. etc."

The folks I work closely with are (for the most part) doing well, now that I've guided them.  There is a guy who works in another area of the lab, however, that my husband and I have become very good friends with, and I love him dearly. However, EVERY time we pass in the hallway, I get "the look."  In case you haven't received it yet, below is my description:

The head is cocked slightly to the side, the expression becomes grave, and there is a slight head shake.  It all SCREAMS "You poor baby."  

I really do like the guy, and am going to have to tell him.  I just haven't been able to make myself do it, yet.  "Bill?  You know how you like me a lot and it makes you sad that I have this horrible disease?  Yeah, I love ya for it and I appreciate it, but when you look at me that way, it makes it worse.  Can you try to avoid doing it?"  I don't know what I'll say, but I have to say something soon.  I can't imagine what he'll do when I lose my hair.  *sigh*

I messaged my boss (who was on vacation this past week) on Facebook to let him know I left early and the we need a/c at work ASAP (it is controlled by corporate).

For some reason the tem "the big girl chair" makes me laugh. I like ir.

Hey re hair stuff: what is a buff?

I have gone for a walk with a scarf, and now I get the paper with my sleep cap.. Haven't gone out in public sans wig. Still weirded out.

Neulasta fever: waned, i ached, Tylenol helped. Hope tomorrow is peppier.

I'll be in the big girl chair today!  Now I smile when I say that, so thank you for the visual!  It makes me think of Laugh In with Edith Ann.

New day- so far I feel much better.



Wishing everyone, in the big girl chair this week, well. Hope for minimal SE's.

Good morning everyone.

Good luck to all who are "in the big girl chair" ( I love this!) this week.  I was saying to myself that it was "time to put on my big girl panties" but "big girl chair" is funny

I think of you all every day and it helps me so much......thank you for being here.  (hugs)

Yesterday was a very emotional day for me.  My children came over and not only did they shave my head, they all shaved theirs as well!  I got an amazing picutre of us all.  It was funny at times because as my hair was being cut, they were trying all kinds of funny styles like a mohawk and saying how good it looked LOL.  I said "I'm 50 years old and there is no way I want to sport a mohawk cut!" I don't imagine I will want to hold on to many memories once I have completed this journey but, I will definitely want to hold on to this one.

I forgot to ask my MO about mm (but will next treatment) so my son gave me some to have on hand.  I still have zero appetite but am making sure I get something in my tummy but when I do, I get heartburn which I have never had before.  Since the 4 different anti-nausea meds did not work so well, I will definitely be trying it.  The bone pain from the Neupogen does get worse each day but I know this too will pass.  If this darned cold I have doesn't get worse, I anticipate that by this coming weekend, I should be feeling great!

I know that I am so lucky that I am able to take the time off of work to focus all my energy on beating the crap out of this Breast Cancer and that my DH works from home and is available if I need anything.  All of our children are grown so it is just the two of us and our fur baby Lewis.  All of you working outside of the home as well as having little ones to take care of......you are amzing!

babysammy: Thank you.  It looks like you are just a little ahead of me in your treatment but it will be interesting for us to compare notes since we are on the same regiment. 

I hope you all feel good today.

Hugs to all

Misty

Misty-Hope you have a great day!!!!  

Hair- my DH and DS rub my head that has very very thin hair short hair (The last haircut that I gave myself was a very very short boy haircut) .... just like rubbing Buddha's tummy for good luck I guess.  My DD was here for about two weeks and headed back to NJ for her summer job.  She also rubbed my head for good luck before she left yesterday!!!

Eating- Sorry you don't have much of an appetite.  Heartburn is not an uncommon side effect. Those cancer cookbooks have helped me stay on track with eating and have great pictures.

Neuprogen pain- Are you taking any Claritin or tylenol or ibuprofen to help with the pain? Claritin is supposed to help with the bone pain.  There is a clinical study ongoing about taking Claritin.