considering no reconstruction and no prosthesis

Hello all~

I am 12 days out from my double mastectomy. I had made the decision during my chemotherapy not to have any reconstruction done at all. Someone gave me a box of bras and silicone prosthetics and I did look at them but have not been able to try them on due to my tubes and drains.

I am having a harder time adjusting to the loss of my breasts than I thought I would. I have only been able to actually look at my chest twice since my surgery. I was horrified both times and have just kept my back to the mirror ever since.

I have also lost a substantial amount of weight during my chemo and surgery recovery. I have radiation left to face as well. 

I don't even recognize myself anymore. I thought it was bad enough to be bald and lose my eyebrows, eye lashes, finger and toenails. Losing my breasts as well has been harder to face than I was prepared for. 

 I am now at the point where I will not leave my room other than to use the bathroom. I do not take any company and keep my door shut if anyone comes to visit. The only place I have gone since my surgery was to the doctor office for a drain tube problem. 

I don't know if I am just depressed or shocked or what is wrong with me. I made the choice not to recontruct and I will stay with that decision. I am not a good candidate for reconstruction and it just seems like more pain and suffering than it would be worth for the small size I would get. 

Is it normal to go through this? I am hoping that with time I will come to accept myself the way I am now. But the last couple of days have been really hard and really sad. 

Thanks for your posts and for being so open about things. You all touch more people than you probably know. 

Pamela, lots of women go flat and look just fabulous, in my opinion. I like wearing something, so I wear fiberfill foobs usually, in bra cups I have sewn into tank tops. It works for me.



That is the key, whatever works for you, and don't let anyone tell what you should feel, like or want.



I chose to skip recon, at least for now. Maybe in five years (or six months) I will change my mind. If I do, I will go find a recon doc I like. Fr the time being, I am totally fine with things as they are and happy not to be dealing with any more surgeries and hospitals.

I am 1 and 1/2years out and I choose not to reconstruct. I wear my prosthesis to work , church and things like that. The rest of the time I just go flat, around  my family I have no problem with. I don't like the way I look but this was my choice not to reconstruct and I can not ever see myself changing my mind. It took me a long time just to wash my chest area and feel ok about it I still don't like to look in the mirror but this was the cards I was dealt and I am just learning to live with it. 

Nancy

I had bilateral mastectomy with no reconstruction a couple years ago. I love living bra free!

Some issues I've noticed is not that I'm flat but that I have imdentations where I used to have boobs. That causes some wardrobe issues. No form fighting clingy tops. If I wear t-shirts they have to be loose. If I wear knit tops I have to wear patterns that camoflage my indentations.



I am a little heavy so I have excess flab at my arm pits, it looked bad when I had boobs, it looks worse now. I am MUCH more aware of all of this than anyone else. Nobody has ever mentioned it, but I live in a small town and my story is well known.



The hard part about bathing suits is they all seem to have shelves or built in formed boobs. I still like to wear a two piece so I'm considering making my own string bikini top. I'm thinking if I make it with extra fabric I can camoflage dents.



Overall I am very happy boob free. i'm thinkijng I'd like to get a prosthetic bra for those outfits that just need a couple bumps to make them look right, but I haven't felt compelled to do it just yet. The thought of wearing a bra again is very unappealing.



Make sure you talk to your breast surgeon. See if s/he has any pictures of their work. I did not the first time and the results were horrid. The actual scar was fine - well done, but he left too mich excess skin which caused lumps, ridges, waves - it was beyond awful. My husband couldn't stand to look at nor touch them. I had a "completion mastectomy" which turned out great. But, as the surgeon said, it would have been easier to do it right the first time around.



Just some things to consider as you are making your decision.

I had a single mx 19 months ago and have never considered reconstruction.  I do wish I'd have both done at the time, but got talked out of it by my bs.

I wear a foob when I go to work or out, but go bra-less when at home.  I wear an Ahh bra, and find them very comfortable.  Once you heal you may find something like an Ahh bra will help protect your chest area while it heals - although you'll have to wait for drains to come out first.

I also couldn't look at my scar for a while, and it still feels a bit weird touching the area as it is numb.  You do get used to it though.  It will be tough emotionally to be both bald and flat chested, but you do get over it and move on.  I think it's mainly the fact that you feel so unwell on chemo that it's hard to feel "normal" about your body.

Good luck - I'm sure you'll be happy flat chested and yes - there are lots of ways to use fashion to still look pretty without having a bust line lol

Trish

I had both breasts removed, you do something like this just like you do anything else in your life, one day, one step at a time.

Right now you take care of yourself *today*. There are many many women who embrace being flat, and just as many who find something that feels right for them to wear.

It is normal to feel scared, sad, to mourn the loss of your breasts. It is normal to feel confused but there are SO many women here ready to help you each step. You just post and ask a question...breastfree.org is a good place to look around, and also remember you have time to decide on reconstruction, some insurance companies give you even a few years.

You should ask your doctor about a mastectomy, sometimes it can end the chemo...and sometimes you have to get the chemo anyway...see what your medical team say about this.

And again, don't worry about what you will wear on a beach or to an event, just keep strong positive healing thoughts!

My sister, cousine, niece and myself have all opted for no boobs--personally we're glad about no maintenance of any kind really and no one we know has made one judgement--I'm single but they are married and no one cared what the LOOK was like just so eveyone was here. It's totally u'r decision and time will tell u ow u really feel---whatever u do do it for you not anyone else and u'll make the riht decision.

And Kristen it so new yet give u'r self some time to adjust to everything. Time is needed to feel better both mentally and physically---u'll get there and then u'r thinkin will be clearer too. Just try to take it easy and let others help u.

This is such a personal choice and only you can make it. Personally, I opted for the bi-lateral, no reconstruction and haven't looked back. I was a DD so going braless is WONDERFUL! The "girls" were often in my way and I haven't missed them yet. Course my surgery was just April 20th so the time may come. I wore a cami with the prosthetics once and felt so fake I couldn't stand it. Everyone knows what Ive been through and to have boobs again felt out of place for me. I've taken the advice of many ladies in this forum and purchased several new multi-print tops. The patterns and designs detract from focusing the eyes on the bustline so I'm less conscious and feel better. I read one gals posting where she stated "I don't wear boobs to make YOU feel better". With or without ... YOU are the one that has to be comfortable.  Good luck to you!

I have a UMX without reconstruction. I may decide to have the other one removed eventually. I couldn't wear a bra for 5 weeks after surgery and it was heaven without. Can't keep doing that, the remainder is a C (was a D, but I've lost some weight). It was hard to look at first but that wore off fairly soon. Best wishes for making the decision that is right for you.

Pam, maybe I'm taking this wrong, but I was concerned when you wrote:

"my husband seems more mature than me. I think he can handle. I get embarrassed easily....it will be difficult."

It has nothing to do with maturity! He's "handling" it better because it's not happening to him! In fact, I'd worry if he was taking it worse than you, flailing around and making it all about him. Be glad he isn't doing that; some women have to deal with that on top of everything else. So, let him be your support right now, loving you and encouraging you - you're going through a mourning process and a realignment of your self-image. And that's just emotionally - you're also going through a helluva lot physically, too! Give yourself however much time you need and don't feel like you have to be in a certain place mentally at any given time. It just doesn't work that way. We're all individuals.

Kristinmarie

I am 4 months from a bmx. I can totally relate to how you feel. Give yourself time. This is major surgery it takes time to heal physically and emotionally. Little steps everyday coming to this site is a big step. It does get better. You definetely need a friend or family member to hear from you everyday some who just listens. Each day just do a little for you !!! Hugs to you.

MT1 - I think the third last paragraph of your recent post is just beautiful.

I had my BMX last Aug after neo-chemo. I knew from the start I didn't want reconstruction. I am a stage IV and was facing other surgeries so adding that to the mix wasn't appealing to me. I had to cocnvince the surgeon that I was NOT going to change my mind so she would not leave extra skin. My incisions are huge-my breasts were not-she said they are so long because she wanted them as flat as possible. I hate the way I look naked-I am going to honest with you-I think I look like ET thru my chest. Remember in the movie when she opened the closet door and he was standing ther with the stuffed animals? Doing neo-chemo was a blessing for me because it allowed me to think about my decision and read what women on here said. I also had no nodes removed.

  I knew I would never wear forms either. I have an athletic build and am in my mid-fities and am not married so my decision was based on just me. I do not miss my breasts at all. I have had no problems finding attractive clothes that flatter me. I also think people do not pay near as much attention as you would think. As a matter of fact if you look at the dummies in the JC Penny store they are flat. My niece just pointed that out to me. Look at runway fashions most of those models have little or no breasts either and they look fab.

  I live a very casual life that includes a very physical job so I do not have to dress up very often. If you decide to go flat you will find your niche. I love J Jill and a company called Athleta. Wal Mart has tons of little tank dresses that look great. They also are carrying Catalina tank swimsuits that just have a shelf bra-no big cups. I brought 2 of them home and just cut the whole assembly out. They were lined already and the shelf thing was free floating. I also just wore a 2 piece on a Florida vac. Last year floaty peasanty things were my go-to and they were what everybody was wearing. I am now into some more fitted things and comdfortable doing it.

  There is no wrong choice. I think us flat girls are a minority-in my chemo group I think I might have been the only 1 who had a breasts removed who did not reconstruct. Like I said-I hate the way I look without clothes and I have been called sir more than once.. but I am not thin skinned about it. I walk proud with my shoulders back and flash my toned arms and flat chest and don;t think twice about it. On my recent Vac my girlfriends were jealous because in that 95 degree Fla heat and humidity I didn't have to wear a bra!! Or worry about heat rash under my breasts.

  Good luck to you. Feel free to PM me if you want any other info