April/May 2012 Chemo hang out

Sad day for me.  My grandfather's funeral and I can't attend thanks to being day 3 post chemo.  My 18 year old and 11 year old went to it without me and I feel like a complete loser that I can't be there for my family.

Thank you Melrose,

Sorry to have sounded like a great big baby but thats how I'm feeling.  I will take a look for those books.  I do push my self up, I have a bike that I try to ride 10 or 15 min a day depending on how i feel.  It just not being able to walk a 5 block round trip to the store for something simple that freaks me out.  Yesterday I did a walk just like that and was totally wasted by the time I got back to my apartment.  I  am used to being so much stronger than this it is a little hard to take.  At least here I can say that and you guys know just what I mean.  Thanks for listening

Dancetrancer - Cool!! I hope you get back to dancing soon!  I so can't really dance (not without alcohol in me, lol), but I've always been a walker.  I started when I went off to college - found out I could do it in spite of my lifelong asthma - and it's always been my go-to exercise.  Until my bunion foot got bad a couple of years ago, I walked for pleasure/exercise a mile or two at a time, with or without dogs.  So, now... I can't walk at the pace I'm used to, and certainly not the distance - but I'm telling myself that doesn't mean I don't walk.  With or without dogs!  I put on my iPod, listen to all kinds of upbeat stuff (like LMFAO!), and just do what I can do.  Sometimes I have to flake out in the recliner for awhile when I get home, but that's OK too.  I watched DH, who was a competitive gymnast and did all kinds of other sports when he was younger, struggle with feeling right about doing anything athletic after surgeries and getting to the point that he wasn't as fit as he used to be, and feeling awful about it.  Not doing that.  

To everyone - I wish I could lighten the load.  Don't worry about feeling like misery loves company, though - there's a reason we're all still coming to the boards!  Getting support and paying it forward when we can.  We are all special, strong and powerful - although that is my little mantra that I repeat to myself just about every night or morning (those are the times when fear rears its ugly head and I can't always shove it back down, before I get into my day).  And we are all stronger together, no matter what.  

I never asked the doc too many questions; i.e., what are my chances of surviving this to 5 years and beyond.  I decided I don't need to know that - and besides, if I did want to know, I could figure it out on my own, based on what I do know.  I also avoid stories that upset me - although I know that people don't always survive breast cancer, and nothing is certain for any of us, as you say.  Still, a few days ago, before my tx#3, I stumbled across a story that got the dark thoughts churning, and that threw me down.  I started wondering if I've been too naive about the disease.  So when I saw the MO NP before my treatment, I told her how I was feeling.  

She reviewed all my history, and basically said:  all the cancer was removed with the surgery, and the PET scan didn't show anything else (I have heard PET scans don't always show bone mets, but didn't ask about that, figured, OK).  She said yes, that what bumped me into Stage III was the size of the main tumor (if it had been .2 cm smaller I might have been IIb).  She reiterated that I am young, otherwise healthy, and the whole point of the chemo and rads is to keep it from coming back.  All of this I knew, and the only thing really that had changed was my thinking about it. She also said - and this hadn't even occurred to me - that part of the emotional symptoms are probably aggravated by being thrown all at once into menopause. (I was still having regular periods - even had one during my BMX - but that's another story!! Haven't had one since my first tx). 

I admitted to her also that despite the fact I've heard there is no connection, I've been scared that since I have overall had minimal SEs so far with this kick*** A/C, that it meant it isn't working.  She said, no, it doesn't work like that - there is no connection between severity of SEs and chemo effectiveness.

So...okay.  I did feel better after all this, honestly.  I am still resolved to get through chemo and rads (geez, rads - she said every day for several weeks!  But I'll cross that bridge when I get to it - at least, it's looking like not before November).  Probably by then I'll be on tamoxifen, too.

Love, hugs and purple energy to everyone.   

In the meantime, I'm continuing to wait out the bad stuff, make the most of feeling good, keep laughing at anything that makes me laugh.  

I might have already presented this question to this group, but now that it's coming closer (Tuesday), I want to know your thoughts on where to have it placed - chest or arm?  The scar will be less visible on the arm, but I'm afraid that it will be annoying.

Kjiberty- chemo sucks, but I'm with you - I like not having to pluck chin hairs, or wax, or shave bikini area, or shave underarms, and only having to shave legs once a week. And while my wigs aren't as comfy as I'd like, at least I can have a good hair day any day I want.

Indigo - thanks!  Loved your post - got a little tear-eyed reading it.  I think the chemopause changes are getting my emotions going, too!

marcia - I think most of us have had the port placed in the chest...it's hard to then comment on what it is like in the arm.  Hope you can find someone to talk to who has had it done that way.  Mine was pretty sore at first, but I don't notice it at all now.  I'm glad I have it, considering how often I get stuck and will continue to be stuck over the next year!  I tried my swimsuit on today and was SO happy to see that my suit covers the area of my port and the scar!   I was very clear to the doc that I wanted it placed as low as possible on my chest and NOT in the V neck area.  

ALL - I went for a walk in the park today with DH!!!  30 to 40 minutes, slow pace, needed some breaks...but it was the best feeling EVER to get out and about!  Hiking is one of my favorite things to do.  As we were walking, I just couldn't stop saying, "OMG, I'm so happy to be out here!  OMG!"  Yeah, you could say 10 weeks of pretty much only going out to the doc has been extremely difficult on me!  I can't wait to get out and do more this last week before chemo #4.  I still have daily heartburn, but it is SO much more manageable today.  In fact, I cut back on some of my medicine.  YAHOO!!!   

Fair weather- I know it seems overwhelming right now and yes the AC sucks...I just finished my 4 treatments....it's cumulative so it does get tougher. But what I found is you need to eat small meals and stay hydrated..it helps...and stay on top of the meds...don't let time go by without taking what you need to take. Make sure when you rest when you need to. You will get through it, I promise.

I have really enjoyed reading everyone's updates, I have picked up a lot of helpful tips so thank you.



Just having a down evening..I have my 4th last DD A/C then I will get surgery...see surgeon on the 13th. Now that I have gotten this far,I guess it is finally sinking in that I really do have cancer...i was diagnosed march but I guess I have been so busy with tests, appointments, etc that I have just now had time to really accept it...I guess I still keep thinking this must be a bad dream...I never thought at 39 this would happen.



Ok...sorry enough complaining



Michelle

Tweetyb22, I'm so sorrry that you're feeling down.  I know what you mean about thinking you're going to wake up from this bad dream.  I think it all the time.  I still can't believe this is happening, but these rocks on my chest and chemo starting next week keep reminding me that it's real.  I hope you feel better tomorrow.

Good morning everyone! 

I ordered the book that someone was talking about earlier. "Eating Well Through Cancer" Easy Recipes for before and after chemo treatments.

I am looking forward to receiving it next week.

I had my 2nd chemo treatment of A\C on the 25th of May. My 1st one was on the 3rd. The second one, I had no nausea, but it seemed that I was twice as tired. Today is the first day that I have felt pretty good. My appetite has been really good this time too. The first treatment, I had no appetite and felt queezy for the first 4 days. Seems like I lived on Protein Shakes.

I am so thankful for being able to read what ya'll write and for me to write and ask questions.

Has anyone had any puffy cheeks with the A\C treatments? Someone told me that my cheeks will probably get puffy. Hopefully if they do, it will not last long. I'm already chubby.

: 0 )

I have a question, if you don't have nausea after the chemo......do you need to take the decamethasone (streroids) for the 4 days that they give you?  

I have lost all of my hair now. I had my beautician come over to my house and shave my head real close after my first treatment. That way I would not have to see Clumps of my hair coming out. I definately made the right decision. Seeing my hair cut really short all at once was much easier. I cried for a bit, but then I was ok. It's only hair and it will grow back. 

I went to a Look Good Feel Better Workshop and she showed us how to use a square scarf and tie it on the side. Really cute. I can't find square scarves anywhere. They are either the bandana little ones or the long skinny ones. So frustrating! I've tried walmart, kmart, dollar stores. Any suggestions?

I look forward to hearing from ya'll with answers, suggestions, etc.

I hope everyone has a great day!! 

I heard I would get puffy cheeks, weight gain in the face from steroids but I never did. I did gain 6 pounds in two months, ugh...but that will come off when this is over.



I don't believe the steroids have anything to do with nausea....the bummer with them is the crash afterward.



As far as the emotion train....man am I on it. I'm 48 and pre menopausal...I think my hormones are just going crazy. I was diagnosed in February and still replay that day and wonder how I got here.



Someone gave me a couple of joints and while I considered them on bad nausea days I never tried it...but I hear it will help

Misty:  I am not on the same regimen as you are.  I am on the taxorere and cytoxan.  I can emphathize with your feelings.  We all feel the same way.  We just don't realize how much importance we place on our hair.  I think when we have our hair, no one can see the "cancer", but if we go out either without a wig (bald) or with a scarf, we SCREAM cancer.  And we don't want people feeling sorry for us or asking us about it.  That's how I feel anyway.  I really don't feel like discussing my medical problems with someone I have run into at Kroger that I haven't seen in 10 years!  I just want to say I am fine and keep moving.  Be strong!

Dance:  So glad you went for a walk.  MY DH and I went out for lunch and to the movies (The Magnifican Hotel?). It was cute.  It was nice to get my butt off the couch for an afternoon.  We actually went for a walk after that.  Nice day.

Tweety and Sade:  ((hugs)). MY DD is 26.  I reminder her constantly about self-exams.  Actually, I remind all my female clients everytime I talk to them to get their annual mammograms--it's part of my job when I call them and this is something I never forget to tell them.  I sell Medicare insurance.

 Pauletta:  I am given the steriods (1 twice a day) the day before treatment, the day of (Thursday)and the day after.  The crash comes around Saturday afternoon for me.

Marcia:  Medicinal marijuana is not legal here in IL, but my brothers say if I make a trip to Michigan or FL, they can hook me up as one is licensed in one state and my nephew is licensed in CA.    They offered to make me brownies!  Nausea hasn't been to bad for me thus far. 

BTW, I have the Magic Mineral broth simmering on the stove.  It's only been 30 minutes, but my house already smells delicious!   

Fairweather:  LMAO!

Stacie, Tweetie, Sade and anyone else who needs one---{{{Hugs}}} Hope today is a better day :0)

Dancetrancer--Love the dancing! It looks like hard work but fun and great exercise!

Chapter4--Where in NY are you? I'm upstate outside of Albany.

Shelleybean---a papillon! I have a long-haired chihuahua(chihuahua/papillon) and he is the light of my life! All 9 1/2 pounds of him!

Misty--I'm not having the same treatment but wanted to comment since I just lost my hair this past week. Definitely shaving it is the way to go for most. Good luck!

lsharvey--so sorry for your loss.

rn4babies--good luck to you tomorrow with round #2! And thankfully, my eyebrows and eyelashes are still hanging tough. My head still has a few dime sized patches but other than that is bald and shiny!

LOL fairweather!!!  I've considered it...may need to reconsider if it helps that much with heartburn!!!  I agree, the lidocaine tastes like ass!!!  LOL!!!  

Tried to sleep without a sleeping pill last night - fell asleep fine, but whoa did not stay asleep well.  First, I had a dream that I was trying to walk and had a heart attack - woke up with a BIG start as well as coughing - hate waking up like that!   Happened to have heartburn at that moment...so strange how what is going on in our bodies gets integrated into our dreams.  Then, I woke up so many times after that due to hot flashes.  I don't know how many I had last night.  I'm definitely going in to chemopause.  Uggh!  

Oh well, I don't feel too bad right now, despite being awake half the night!  

Does medical marijuana help with hot flashes, by chance?  Inquiring minds want to know.  LOL!!!