Does anyone remember me and my mom?

I felt very sad about this post today. I admit that the post was hard for me to read... the graphic details... again, when posting in the Stage IV forum (as in ALL FORUMS), one must consider their audience. I mean, if I posted a play-by-play of my tumor extractions, the agony I was in, the chemo side effects, not being able to walk, and how I can't cope with any of it and want to die, somebody please help me... in the CAREGIVER'S FORUM... well, probably not appropriate. 

To Michelle, if you're still reading... I know how hard it is to watch a parent deteriorate from cancer. It felt like the roles had been reversed, suddenly my Dad was the child and I was the parent. It was the single most difficult thing I've had to go through in my life, my own Stage IV diagnosis included. Your post showed that pain and I know you were trying to reach out to some old friends. I'm sorry if your feelings were hurt... you and your family are in my thoughts as you move forward. It's amazing how strong we can be in the face of these unimaginable, life altering events. Your love for your Mom will see you through.

Rose.

It's okay, Mimi.  Your comments are in the caregiver section now.  If anybody from the stage IV forum wants to read this thread, they will find it.  If they don't want to read it they won't come here.

Steelrose is a very bright woman.  Her advice to you is good.  Know your audience.  And she's definitely right about the role reversal.  I'm going through that with my Mom.  If it looks like you're only looking for support for yourself, they don't look too kindly on that.  We all know your post wasn't meant to hurt or scare anybody.  You're distraught over what your Mom is going through.  And you're right.  Your Mom's situation isn't a prediciton of what another stage IV person might eventually go through.

Athena is also right.  Please don't quit posting.  You have a lot to offer, and you can give support to others at the same time.  This is the forum for moral support, but if you have questions or need information about treatment or want to offer moral support to the stage IV women then stage IV would be the place to post.  There are wonderful women on that forum like Steelrose who will help you.  I've grown quite close to some of those women, and I go there to try and support them as much as I can.  I've found that when I have questions I can usually get answers there rather than here because they know so much more than anybody in the caregiver section.  You just have to be very careful with the wording because the stage IV forum is a very special place.

Peggy 

According to the forum description, the Stage IV forum is for "stage iv, their families, and caring supporters". I don't think you were in the wrong forum according to the 'rules' Mimi, but based on some of the responses you received, at least you might be treated more kindly in this forum.



Was some of what you wrote 'graphic' or 'scary'? Perhaps. But BC is scary and much of what occurs is graphic. And although I would not be considered a young mom based on some folks perceptions, I am still quite young when all is said and done. And I really dislike when I read posters ratcheting up concern for one age demographic over another. It pits women against women who are all going through this, coping with it, facing it with courage, grace, integrity, love, grit, peace, etc.

I am thankful that when I posted a question early on in coming to BCO I was not lambasted and run out of dodge for not seeing all the rules and regs for particular forums. Sometimes, most times, we need to extend the hand of grace and assume the best of the other posters who start a topic rather than the worst. And I am talking as much to myself as I am to others where that is concerned.

Peace be with you Mimi. I can only imagine what your family is going through.

And for what it's worth, a mom of a 16 year old (I believe you wrote one of your sisters is 16) is a 'young' mom. And a mom whose daughter is getting married in a short time is also a 'young' mom.

Hang in there sweetheart!

So glad you are going to be able to go for a visit. While reading all of your posts I kept thinking tht I wish there was a way you could go be with her. Very happy that you shared the fact that you are going. I lost my mom in 09 to cancer. We were very close. She was my best friend. We lived in the same town so I was with her a lot. I felt like nothing was left unsaid and have no regrets about anything and I think that somehow made the loss easier. Enjoy your time spent with her.

Thank you Mimi. My biggest fear is, was brain mets. I watched my mom who had frontal lobe dementia disappear. I worried that she was afraid. But I think not. I think she was just not herself. Every once in a while we would see flashes of the woman she once was and it was almost sadder than seeing her unresponsive. I appreciate your description of your mom and where she is right now.

Pax

Drive carefully. God be with you, your mom and your family.

Eric

Mimi, god speed and safe travels! i too am so glad you get to spend time with your mom and family. It is really hard to be emotionally present for some of this real hard part of life, but when you do all you can do there is less regret. I am praying for you and your mom. We'll still be here for you, all the time.

  Nancy 

Michelle  have a safe journey and relish the time that you spend with your mom.  

Love n hugs.  Chrissy